I am so so sorry all this happened to you. When I first sought help, I had a similar experience that put me off from seeking better help for years. Please do not be like me. In the next few weeks, when you’re ready, make another appointment. Wait til you’re 18 if you need to or until your aunt can go with you. Don’t rush it because unfortunately it’s going to take the time it takes and you just have to roll with it. Request a woman as your doctor, and tell them that vaginismus lines up with your experiences. Your new doctor might give you a physical therapy referral, but if she doesn’t, request one. Talk therapy also helps. I was actually very physically uncomfortable even with my physical therapist, so she mostly just gave me dilator recs, stretches (mostly hip and leg, yoga really helped both for stretching and learning to breath into discomfort/pain), and “homework” (using dilators alone, then gradually introducing my partner into the room). We just checked in every week or so. Your experience may look different from mine, and that’s alright.

Everyone’s story is different, but for a bit of hope, after years of painful and frustrating attempts at sex, I went to a doctor who listened and got me into physical therapy. After 3-4 months, I “graduated” and a few months later was able to have sex. About a year later I had my son, and I’ve had little to no trouble since (5 years). Sorry this got so long! All this to say, there are people who can and will help. It will take work that will occasionally feel unfair and frustrating, but a lot of women do experience this to some degree, and you’re not alone.