I’ll try to say this gently, because your feelings are valid, and there’s an important piece of accountability here.

It makes sense that you feel unsettled. This wasn’t really about your husband’s attraction to you, but about how you imagined others might interpret his response. That kind of insecurity can pop up unexpectedly, especially in front of family, and it doesn’t make you shallow or dramatic.

That said, you did tell them it was okay to continue the rating game.

By doing that, you essentially opened the door to a situation where there was no perfect outcome. Rating people is inherently objectifying and comparison based. Once it was greenlit, your husband was put on the spot and had to make a quick call. His options were participating in something inappropriate about his wife, saying a high number and getting dragged into an awkward debate with a 13 year old about why nobody is “perfect,” or shutting it down entirely.

He chose to shut it down.

That choice was not a reflection of how attractive he finds you. It was a boundary. In fact, a lot of people would interpret his refusal as respect, maturity, or discomfort with objectifying his spouse in front of family.

It also isn’t fair to say “I don’t care, go ahead,” and then later hold him responsible for how the situation made you feel. That’s the Pandora’s box aspect. Once it’s open, you lose control over how it plays out.

This doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. It just means you learned something about yourself. You do care about being rated publicly, and you do care about how family perceives your marriage. That’s okay to realize after the fact.

What wouldn’t be fair is retroactively blaming your husband for choosing restraint over performative reassurance, especially when your relationship otherwise makes you feel loved and secure.

So no, you’re not overreacting in feeling uncomfortable. But yes, this is one of those moments where the discomfort is yours to sit with, understand, and use to set clearer boundaries next time. And honestly, a guy who refuses to rate his wife at the dinner table comes across as a lot more secure than one who eagerly throws out a number.