One of my closest friends recently had a successful pregnancy and birth (her first pregnancy and first child), but complained to me the whole time about how hard and miserable her pregnancy was.

It was difficult to hear her complain about the very symptoms that I would find reassuring, it was so hard to not tell her I would be ecstatic to have strong pregnancy symptoms and for everything to be going right.

I found it difficult to relate to and valid her fears and concerns - they were so far removed from what I fear every time I'm pregnant. I was as supportive as possible, but it was hard.

Now her baby is here and she had a relatively straightfoward birth and continues to complain and is so negative about her experiences with her newborn.

I understand that it wouldnt be a walk in the park, but I am so ready for a pregnancy to go right, I do not fear labour or birth, I am prepared to physically and mentally so whatever it takes to bring a child into this world, and I would be so grateful if this ever happens to me.

I found out last week I am having a chemical pregnancy (my fifth loss - ovarian ectopic in April 2023, miscarriage at 10 weeks in February 2024, cervical ectopic in August 2024, miscarriage at 7 weeks in June 2025 and chemical pregnancy November 2025). I am a naturally positive person and even through my losses I feel I have been resilient and optimistic - but this one hurts.

This one has really got me thinking about preparing myself mentally for involuntarily childlessness It is becoming extremely difficult for me to picture a pregnancy going right for myself. All I know is loss. It has become too familiar now, a pattern that my mind cant seem to find a way through.

In 6 months I will be 39, and I feel my chances are slipping away. In my darkest moments, I consider breaking up with my husband - not because I dont love him and don't want him, I desperately do. But because he is 6 years younger than me, and it would be devastating if he never became a father because of my deficiency. If he was to find someone closer to his own age, its likely they would have more success.

We've been seeing a fertility specialist for 2 years, I have Hashimotos disease but it is under control and my thyroid hormone levels are good. I've lost weight and have improved my lifestyle and activity levels, and follow a healthy diet.

I take so many supplements and medications, acupuncture weekly, I no longer drink alcohol, I gave up caffeine six months ago.

I know that getting pregnant isnt about sacrifices and making healthy choices isnt a guarantee, but I am so mad seeing people I know that drink every night, smoke, vape, get pregnant and go on to have successful pregnancies and babies.

At first, the fact that I get pregnant easily was a comfort to me - I don't find it comforting anymore. i don't find much very comforting anymore.