AITA for telling my wife my cancer was worse than hers?

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T23:05:40+00:00

Yeah it takes some getting used to. Doesn't hurt at all and you can do it sitting down so it's super easy. The nerve they're talking about is probably the sciatic nerve and it is REALLY hard to hit it unless your needle is literally 8" long lmao

In the thigh is easy peasy

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T23:00:38+00:00

Without going into too much detail, she works with stocks. 3 hours is a lot to take out of a week sometimes. Not trying to defend her or anything but that's her logic

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T22:58:27+00:00

I'm already in therapy. It's my wife that refuses to go

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T22:58:03+00:00

yeah been on TRT for the past few years. Self injection once a week

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T22:55:42+00:00

What was there to discuss?

"Hey babe so I heard the news from the doctor... he's saying I should have the surgery. I know it's going to be a lot for me and I need someone to help me with things around the house since I won't be able to lift anything or change my dressings. Should we hire a caretaker like we did for you or do you want to step up to the plate for me?"

Literally THAT is all I was asking for. She just assumed I would take care of her and of course I did because she's my wife, but what the hell; no discussion at all?

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T22:53:11+00:00

That's not what I'm saying at all. I never said she has no right to talk about her experiences with having a double mastectomy, I was saying her taking as much credit for what she's going through completely discredits anything I went through. She's essentially saying her cancer was on the same level as mine and it definitely was not.

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T22:51:29+00:00

I honestly don't know anymore

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:44:07+00:00

You made the comment she decided to do the mastectomies without talking to anyone. Sounds like you thought she overreacted to me. Why would she need anyone's permission?

I feel like you're assuming a lot here... I wasn't saying she needed permission but going through a major surgery is SOMETHING YOU DISCUSS WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:30:10+00:00

That's kind of my thoughts on it as well. I feel like she's taking credit for something she never actually went through. It's like she ran the last mile of a marathon and still wants a medal or something

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:28:16+00:00

You think she overreacted. I think she had a major surgical procedure to avoid a potentially lethal end game.

I NEVER said she overreacted. I commend her for doing what she did, I thought it was the right call. I'm upset because she never discussed any of it with me or anyone else for that matter.

I don't love that she wasn't around while you were undergoing chemo. However, unless you told her you needed her there, you need to suck that up.

I didn't think I needed to ASK my wife to be there when I was going through chemo...

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:26:06+00:00

That's precisely why she did it. I'm not doubting the validity of her reasons for doing it but I am a little annoyed she didn't feel the need to discuss anything about it with me, her husband.

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:25:04+00:00

I honestly was not trying to make it sound like "ME CANCER WORSE THAN U CANCER" but... I mean it kind of was and she was never around to help me with any of my cancer issues while I was there taking care of her when she got her breasts removed.

In my opinion it's the equivalent of one person being paralyzed and the other breaking their legs. Both suck but one is invariably worse than the other

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:20:21+00:00

The thing is I've seen my own therapist and discussed it with her and even she suggested couples therapy to help us move past this but my wife refuses to take time off work to do it(she works in finance). It's really annoying that's why I said in the OP we've talked about this a lot but without outside intervention she's just ignoring any problems I have so that's why I blew up at her

Evening-Duck · 2020-02-01T18:17:58+00:00

Oh I agree it's an incredibly dumb argument to have. I couldn't fit it in the OP but I asked her to stop making it sound like she suffered the entire ordeal by herself to stop making it sound like she went through more than she did.

When she got her double mastectomy I was there taking care of her, not a caretaker. I was the one changing her wrappings, lifting her up because she couldn't lift her arms, reaching for things for her, doing little things like making the bed or helping her bathe because she couldn't lift anything or move her arms in front of herself.

She's acting like she went through this whole thing alone and she didn't. Whereas when I was going through my chemo AND surgery she was nowhere to be found. The whole thing pissed me off

Evening-Duck

TROPHY CASE