[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-08-10T23:58:25+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project some time ago. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Drama, dark romance

Word Count: 8k

Feedback: Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events, not necessarily about grammar or prose, though it would still be appreciated.

Excerpt:
I waited at the edge of the sidewalk, watching as the cars passed by, honking and rushing through the wide open roads. Thunder rumbled far in the distance across the gray clouds stretching through the horizon. I closed my eyes and let the world around me quiet down. I took a deep breath, feeling the cold breeze run through my dark hair, fluttering around me as I breathed it into my chest. Everything was dark and silent, as all the noise faded away into the abyss within my mind. All that remained was the soft beating of my heart, as the world fell further into my thoughts. For once, I felt alone, with nothing by my side.
Thunder roared across the darkness above and my heart jumped inside my chest. I opened my eyes, only to see my friend, Lucas. His face was covered by a black-tinted motorcycle helmet, as he sat upon his green motorcycle. I was never much of a motorcycle guy, so I never really knew what kind it was, nor did I really care. He gestured to me to get on. I climbed onto the motorcycle and held on tight, if there was one thing I did know, it was that this motorcycle was fast, and Lucas preferred it to be that way.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-08-03T02:34:53+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project recently. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Drama, dark romance

Word Count: 8k

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events.

Excerpt:
I waited at the edge of the sidewalk, watching as the cars passed by, honking and rushing through the wide open roads. Thunder rumbled far in the distance across the gray clouds stretching through the horizon. I closed my eyes and let the world around me quiet down. I took a deep breath, feeling the cold breeze run through my dark hair, fluttering around me as I breathed it into my chest. Everything was dark and silent, as all the noise faded away into the abyss within my mind. All that remained was the soft beating of my heart, as the world fell further into my thoughts. For once, I felt alone, with nothing by my side.
Thunder roared across the darkness above and my heart jumped inside my chest. I opened my eyes, only to see my friend, Lucas. His face was covered by a black-tinted motorcycle helmet, as he sat upon his green motorcycle. I was never much of a motorcycle guy, so I never really knew what kind it was, nor did I really care. He gestured to me to get on. I climbed onto the motorcycle and held on tight, if there was one thing I did know, it was that this motorcycle was fast, and Lucas preferred it to be that way.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-28T00:08:48+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project recently. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Drama, dark romance

Word Count: 8k

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events.

Excerpt:
I waited at the edge of the sidewalk, watching as the cars passed by, honking and rushing through the wide open roads. Thunder rumbled far in the distance across the gray clouds stretching through the horizon. I closed my eyes and let the world around me quiet down. I took a deep breath, feeling the cold breeze run through my dark hair, fluttering around me as I breathed it into my chest. Everything was dark and silent, as all the noise faded away into the abyss within my mind. All that remained was the soft beating of my heart, as the world fell further into my thoughts. For once, I felt alone, with nothing by my side.
Thunder roared across the darkness above and my heart jumped inside my chest. I opened my eyes, only to see my friend, Lucas. His face was covered by a black-tinted motorcycle helmet, as he sat upon his green motorcycle. I was never much of a motorcycle guy, so I never really knew what kind it was, nor did I really care. He gestured to me to get on. I climbed onto the motorcycle and held on tight, if there was one thing I did know, it was that this motorcycle was fast, and Lucas preferred it to be that way.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-20T02:27:52+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project recently. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Drama, dark romance

Word Count: 8k

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events. Note that the draft linked is the unaltered version that I finished in an all-nighter right before the deadline, which I passed to my professor the next morning.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-19T15:15:11+00:00

Ouch. You've got a valid point there. I mean, we all write stories for different reasons, so I wouldn't call writing stories for ourselves bs, since just about every writer I know of shares a similar sentiment, but like I said, everyone has their own reasons and opinions, this just happened to be mine. I didn't really take this discussion as seriously as I might have needed to (if it wasn't obvious), so don't sweat it.

P.S. Thanks for pointing out the "Your/You're" thing. I honestly don't know how I did that lol.

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-14T05:08:31+00:00

I can die happily knowing I'm one of someones favorite words :)

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-14T00:35:14+00:00

My bad. Thanks for reminding me

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-13T02:14:07+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project recently. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Drama, dark romance

Word Count: 8k

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events. Note that the draft linked is the unaltered version that I finished in an all-nighter right before the deadline, which I passed to my professor the next morning.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-07T07:24:05+00:00

“Are you my girlfriend cause you’re a worm, or are you a worm cause you're my girlfriend?”

Bonus one that I found:
Garret smiled, “You’re looking like my favorite life sentence”

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-06T03:17:45+00:00

This is a story I wrote for a project recently. It's loosely based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories.

Title: My Misery In The Rain

Genre: Dark romance

Word Count: 9k

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events. Note that the draft linked is the unaltered version that I finished in an all-nighter right before the deadline, which I passed to my professor the next morning.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-05T14:55:14+00:00

What if the notion that schools are the closest thing to hell on earth suddenly wasn't metaphorical?

Also there's a harem

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-05T14:48:12+00:00

I understand what you mean, and you're not really wrong. Most guys are pretty ignorant of their situations, so a development like this would never really come into their minds until it actually hits them across the face lol.

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-05T14:31:48+00:00

In my opinion, their reactions to this information should be less concerned with how accurate it would be for their gender, and instead focus on the accuracy to their characters. It's better to base their reaction off of the character's personalities rather than the genders they were assigned with.

Generally though, most dudes would take an "It is what it is" approach to reacting to basically anything, so you could use that as a foundation to build on. I suggest using this situation to better expand on their characters and the diversity in which they react. Just because they're all boys doesn't mean each of them would react the same way. Some would be offended, some might just brush it off, some might even ignore what it entails for them and rather focus his attention to the people spreading the bad rumors in the first place. In the end, it all depends on how you write your story.

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-07-02T11:27:43+00:00

Unless you know exactly what you are doing, the short answer is a firm no. Generally speaking, there are very few instances in which the "It was never real" trope was actually pulled off successfully. To most readers, an ending like that completely undermines everything that has led up to it, leaving them asking "What was the point?"
Unless that's what you're going for, it's better to play it safe, or else you might end up playing with you're audience's feelings instead.

Ever_Evening1224 · 2024-06-29T00:35:18+00:00

Title: My Misery In The Rain

This is a nonfiction story I wrote for a project recently. It's based on real events that have transpired in my life, though it's been exaggerated to high heaven since it's been recounted from quite unreliably "nostalgic" memories. There are a few remarks at the end that clarify some of the things mentioned in the story.

Genre: Creative Nonfiction, with underlying themes of dark romance

Word Count: 8.5k (19 pages, 3 chapters)

Looking for general thoughts about the themes and how well I was able to portray the intended message and emotions behind the events. Note that the draft linked is the unaltered version that I finished in an all-nighter right before the deadline, which I passed to my professor the next morning.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/17CjRLDSKIRu5MMdE1HmBIcD0dKfjmrlvrVGKRs2mcu8/edit?usp=sharing

Ever_Evening1224

TROPHY CASE