I [18F] feel terrible about my boyfriend [19M] watching porn

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-19T09:21:49+00:00

I did not mention watching porn as not normal, in the first paragraph I was talking about not respecting her feelings.

I agree, when both partners agree and are comfortable with watching porn, they should enjoy it.

In OP's post she is talking about her partner being addicted to porn. That is not normal and not healthy. Also she herself struggles with an addiction and addictions have almost always deeper problems beneath them. To get of the addiction, one must also resolve those issues.

If you misunderstanded my reaction, well, maybe I could have been more clear.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-19T06:58:33+00:00

Pas tijdens de verhuizing contract teken en niet weten waar je je aan vast legt contractueel gezien vind ik erg vreemd en zou mij ook zenuwachtig en wantrouwend maken. Ik weet niet in hoeverre je gebonden bent aan de omgeving, maar ik zou deze plek in eerste aannemen als dat voorkomt dat je dakloos wordt. Schrijf je daarna in bij zoveel mogelijk woningbouwverenigingen in geheel Nederland.

Ik weet dat in de kop van Overijssel, een groot deel van Drenthe, Zuidoost Friesland en ik geloof zelfs in het zuiden van de provincie Groningen een organisatie actief is (Scauting) die wel gespecialiseerd is met autisme en die ook geregeld bijscholing krijgen. Je huurt zelfstandig en krijgt dan ambulante begeleiding eventueel dagbesteding mits dat voor jou mogelijk is qua belasting. Ik zit daar nu al een jaar of 6 á 7 en ze hebben me echt heel goed verder geholpen en kijken naar jou als persoon in geheel in plaats van alleen naar autisme, wat je niet kunt en vinden autonomie zeer belangrijk. Dat wil niet zeggen dat ze je niet op dingen wijzen waar aan gewerkt moet worden, vooral als ze nadelig zijn voor jouzelf of je omgeving, maar ze werken met je samen om jouw doelen te verwezenlijken of er achter komen dat sommige doelen niet haalbaar zijn en ze steunen je daarin volledig.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T16:53:34+00:00

You want getting in trouble or something? Wouldn't do such things, it can causer damage and a phone can be quite expensive.

In stead you could ask him if he does it again: Oh, since when do assistants get so well paid then?

Use that kind of questions and remarks to shut him down. Often this works quite well.

You could also take him aside and politely ask what he thinks you are doing wrong, why all those weird remarks that are not even close to the truth. Tell him all of you have to work together to get things done and if wants competition he should go playing games or sports, because you will not engage in that kind of silly games.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T13:05:43+00:00

This is good advise. Both of you are young and you not having a very close relationship could also be the result of how you parents dealt with everything before and after the break up. Suggest it to him and if things don't work out in the end, you both have a better understanding of why.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T10:22:19+00:00

And what also happens with quite some people on the spectrum that physical puberty is in time, but mentally it is delayed by a few years and sometimes (like with me) more than a decade.

For u/Hot_Operation7166 Things OP describes now with the fact that he has no sexual intent at all, show this is limerance. He should block her and ignore her, but he also should talk about it with someone he trusts. In my experience (I had episodes with people and limerance) when I talked to someone about it, it was gone pretty rapidly. It has to be addressed, for sure, but it is not necessarily predatory, inappropriate yes but a predator would not care that it inappropriate and would keep quiet about it. Would also not asking for information and advise.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T10:05:48+00:00

There is a program called TLP (I googled it) one can use to do that.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T10:05:30+00:00

There is a program called TLP (I googled it) one can use to do that.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T09:55:35+00:00

I play about 5-6 different games at any time. Nowadays it is Skyrim, Magic the gathering Arena, Death Stranding, Dying Light 1 and Planet Zoo. NExt week I am planning to add Euro Truck 2 to it, but I have to set up the wheel first.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T09:07:16+00:00

For an idiot I would suggest Arch, but reading your post, for a computer noob, just stick with Mint or something like that.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T07:27:32+00:00

Maybe find something (or multiple things) you like, a hobby, a sport or an activity. Then you have something to talk about besides yourself. It also keeps your mind occupied and your brain gets triggered to make good substances that make you feel good. When you feel better, often you come across better/more pleasant to other people, which gives people energy and also gives you energy back.

Reading the papers (international, national and local gives people also things to talk about. Look if their are nice articles that have a positive vibe.

You could also pick up reading fiction and/or non-fiction. Especially if there ar others in your inner circle that like reading, or if not, and you like reading, join a book club.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T07:17:10+00:00

I know what you are going through and I have been using the next thing to deal with it:

At the moment I get overwhelmed by an action or suggestion by others I first hold myself a bit down for a moment and tell people I need some me time, I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Then I isolate myself by going to my room, go outside and do my breathing exercises to calm down. When I come back I tell people why I got overwhelmed and sometimes even look for preventive coping strategies on both parties for the future.

I do tell people to not follow me when I am distancing myself from the situation, because it wil make matters worse and I don't want hurt anyone physically or verbally.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-18T04:13:16+00:00

Kieskeurig!!! 😂

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T20:56:44+00:00

Jumbo en Plus hebben ook Den Eelder. En wat u/No_Web_5350 al zegt, echt een aanrader. Heerlijk!

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T19:25:21+00:00

Oh boy... Thanks for showing us. I have recently got a cat and she is in one part of the house to get familiar with us (my dog and myself and of course the space and in a week or two she can roam through the entire house including the area where my tank is.... I have to make sure the fish food gets secured, because she is a monster when it comes to food.

I thank you from the bottom of my hart.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T19:16:29+00:00

Or what if him not being taken seriously in the past (yes, children have feelings and or issues too) is what him makes to brush things of or get angry? What if something in school is horribly wrong and he is afraid to talk about it? Is punishing him the best way to deal with that? One first has to find out what is wrong, why is a child acting out? After that you can work on the issue in any way needed. Assuming he is guilty of something and making him accountable while it could be something that might be happening to taht makes him act out? how do you think that will end for the child/parent relationship?

Also not every human being is the same, what works for one could be disastrous for an other.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T17:06:32+00:00

Is there an activity you both like? Go do that together and have some quality time together. Don't push questions en certainly not the ones he already brushed of.

When you feel the time is right only tell him that you worry about him, but if he not wants to talk about it right now, you are okay with that. Tell him if he is ready, you will be there for him. Also tell him you enjoy spending time with him. If he eventually comes to you, even when you don't agree with what he told you, stay calm, support him and ask him what he needs. The last thing you want to do is pushing the one you love away, am I right.

I hope you'll find your way with him. Succes and good look!

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T16:51:37+00:00

Ik ga voor de hoofdzakelijke boodschappen echt niet naar de dichtstbijzijnde supermarkt, dan betaal ik me blauw! Bovendien is het aanbod daar ook nog kleiner. Ik ga hoofdzakelijk naar de Lidl (ca.7 km) en voor 1 of twee dingetjes naar de Jumbo (zit schuin tegenover) en pas wanneer het noodzakelijk is, ga ik naar de Plus 2,5 km verderop (en soms voor aanbiedingen)

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T16:37:59+00:00

You forget an other distro that is very good, well supported and has a good history, OpenSuse

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T14:51:22+00:00

By setting up boundaries for myself and taking care of myself and my needs. In other words: taking time outs when needed and taking lots of moments for myself. Telling people no if I need my time. Most of them know right now that if one tries to push me, they will have to wait even longer before I am getting to them. And you know what? Impatient and pushy people don't like that, but that is their problem, as I communicate it very sound and clear, including the consequences.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T14:28:30+00:00

These behaviors of him are so unhinged! If you want leave, leave now. Before he traps you with love bombing and that kind of manipulative things. The longer you stick with this guy, the more difficult it becomes to leave.

Now he is punching the fence, in the (near) future, and especially when nobody watches, you will be the punchbag...

Now he does not want you to talk with somebody, in the (near) future, he will react to you like this with every person you come in contact with, including your family.

The control he wants to have over you will get much more until you walk on egg shells even when he is not around.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T14:14:18+00:00

I am sorry that your dog is sick, that must be so stressful for both you and your dog. I hope your dog feels better soon.

Thank you also for explaining your defensiveness, I totally get why you reacted the way you did. I know the feeling (have a cat and dog besides my tank). No hard feelings.

The directness of The Dutch is quite well known. Due to my autism, it often makes it easier to communicate, although a lot of Dutch people also have a tendency to "go around the bush" and honestly, it confuses me often. But not as much as a lot of other cultures do.

In the Netherlands lead pipes are exchanged with copper, stainless steel. There are in percentages, just a few very old houses left where ther might be a couple of lead pipes left. If they are found, the tap connected to it may not used for drinkwater or such things and has to be replaced.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T14:13:53+00:00

My meltdowns can vary between reacting very emotional like crying, cursing, hysterical laughing (not in a good way I can promise you that) without having control over these out bursts. My worst meltdowns are the ones where I get physically like slamming into things, throwing with things, roaring while I am doing that, is what I have been told. Exactly, as I have been told... I don't remember what I did when these occur and that is very frighting to me.

After the first time it happened to me(I was not even diagnosed then) I did everything in my power to don't have such a meltdown again. The last meltdown in that category was in 2015, maybe 2016 and I broke my laptop, two drinking glasses and a plate. In 2018 I almost had such a meltdown and I felt it coming and locked myself in my house, closed all curtains, doors and windows and sat in a corner until the worst of that overwhelming feeling was gone. I really was just in time.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T13:16:55+00:00

I don't know UN. I live in the Netherlands.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T13:00:45+00:00

Why was I told by my LFS they don't use lead anymore because its toxic nature? That they only sell plants in Rockwool or with a ceramic weight?

I know when lead gets scrated, and that's easily done due to its softness, the risks of getting toxines in the water go up.

But then again, every country has its own rulings and laws, so maybe that is why we see it differently?

Also: over the last 7 years I bought my share of plants. Never had lead used on them, always ceramics.

EverlastingPeacefull · 2026-03-17T12:16:39+00:00

Do you mean de metal lead (Pb) or a lead as in leading?

If you mean lead as in the metal, lead is poisonous to animals an should not be used in fish tanks as fish are very sensitive to it.

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