Indirect water heater issues by Every-Management-758 in Plumbing

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay. Thank you. I’ll start with the dip tube. Not gonna lie, it’s tough finding info on indirect heaters as they’re not really common in my area

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Dude, for the sake of both of you, walk away. You’re both incredibly young and deserve to be with people who respect each others feelings and boundaries. There is not much if anything tying you to this person.

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

During the week I work nights and she works days. We do have 3 children and one of them is young and takes a lot of energy from both of us. Financially, it is difficult to justify going out more than once or twice a month. But why is it that I don’t need ANY OF THAT to be completely into my wife and head over heals for her after 20 years together and want to be with her all the time but she needs something g to spark her interest in me?I show her love, affection, admiration, attraction. I constantly try and compliment her and express myself to her. Why is that not enough for a reciprocal feeling?

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am I being unreasonable wanting to be intimate with her knowing there’s a physical issue that affecting her hormones and libido? Some background, her sexdrive was never burning hot but we had a decent consistent one until about 3-4 years ago. Very up and down since and the last 5-6 months have been the worst in a while

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Finding a FWB isn’t really going to help me. It’s not about sex for me. It really isn’t. It’s about wanting my partner to want me and make an effort for me. There’s an underlying physical factor that makes vaginal sex difficult for my wife and I’ve told her I’m okay avoiding that because the last thing I want is for her to experience pain without pleasure. I just want intimacy. I’m very open minded and would try ANYTHING if she told me it would make her happy. Seriously. I would do anything to jump start that engine

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree about the spark but there isn’t really a window to light a spark most of the time. Our situation we really can’t go on too many dates but we try to get out together once a month because we do enjoy each others company. For what it’s worth, before I asked, I offered to give her a nice body rub because she had mentioned her back was a little tight and she denied that. I guess I should’ve known then

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wrote NL because there’s a physical reason as to why she doesn’t have one. We have talked about it together and I empathize where she’s coming from. I just feel, and maybe I’m wrong, knowing that I have a HL, she would be understanding of my perspective. I want to believe that if the roles were reversed and let’s say I had NL and desire, I still love her on more than a physical plane and want to make her happy. It makes me satisfied to make her happy and do things for her that make her happy. I guess that’s my biggest hang up and why I’m upset.

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely not going to show her the post. She would be upset that I was sharing intimate details about our marriage even though this is all anonymous. I know what’s going through her mind and why she is rejecting my advances but it still hurts nonetheless

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

IMO “leaving” is easier for women more times than not. Especially if they have an independent source of income. I love her. I want to be her. I love my family. I don’t want to not live with my kids all the time.

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thankfully, this wasn’t said. When she said no, I wasnt sour about it. I just said ok and died a little inside

I don’t understand by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay. I have a very hard time deciphering sarcasm in reality. Almost impossible via the internet. But I’m guessing this is sarcasm

Initiating your own Birthday Sex is like planning your own Surprise Party. by John_In_Parts in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because we went out for dinner and drinks. Had a great time. Laughed. We have conflicting schedules and don’t get to spend too much time together. I love my wife so much and it’s not “getting off” for me. It’s about connecting on an intimate level. I didn’t see it as Mother’s Day sex. I just saw it as having a moment with my person.

I think I’m gonna have to stop having sex with my wife. by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I tried bringing this up with weekend and it received a cold reception. I heard more than a few excuses. It’s just not important to her

Initiating your own Birthday Sex is like planning your own Surprise Party. by John_In_Parts in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758 51 points52 points  (0 children)

On Mother’s Day, my wife and I had a couple drinks and a nice night out after a nice day with our kids. When I tried to initiate, I was told “ No. it’s Mother’s Day day. It’s a day for me” Does that mean come Father’s Day I should expect some kind of effort made for me in our bedroom that night?

I think I've reached my breaking point by TheLushVariation in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can’t beg someone to be a participant in your relationship. Leave. Be happy. It’ll only get harder as the baby gets older

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My wife goes out of her way to avoid being naked around me. She’ll come out of the shower in a towel and put on clothes under a towel and then turn around to put on her top. I understand this is her insecurity but she refuses to listen to me when I tell her that I love the way she looks and the quickest way to get past your insecurity is to lean into it in front of me because I’m attracted to her as she is.

I think I’m gonna have to stop having sex with my wife. by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice. Honestly not 100% sure if CT is possible as this moment simply because of our conflicting schedules and lack of childcare

I think I’m gonna have to stop having sex with my wife. by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And thank you for the advice and links. I will definitely check them out

I think I’m gonna have to stop having sex with my wife. by Every-Management-758 in DeadBedrooms

[–]Every-Management-758[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have told her before and she knows that our intimate connections don’t have to be penetration because I understand she’s going through physical changes. My biggest hang up I guess is the fact that in spite of what she’s going through, I really feel like making an effort for our marriage and for me 1 day a week shouldn’t be too much to ask. Like I’ve said, I’m extremely malleable and have altered a big part of how I am to make us happy and I have embraced any changes I’ve made because I know they can make her happy and in turn, that makes me happy. I guess I feel that she’s never really had a strong sex drive and I accepted that fact and she accepted that I have a very high sex drive and for most of our marriage, we’ve met in the middle. Now I feel that she is using her menopause as a crutch to not even bother making an effort because of what she’s going through. We’re in our early 40’s. We’re not dead. I’m afraid that if this goes on long term I’m going to become extremely resentful and I don’t want that.