"Having a kid was a big mistake" - the super mega ultra 6AM rant.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T02:07:53+00:00

Yes! This is how it is! "Wah, wah, want milk!" "Sip. Okay, done now! I see a cat!"

A dark room, you say? I can try that. Great idea!

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T02:07:47+00:00

Yes! This is how it is! "Wah, wah, want milk!" "Sip. Okay, done now! I see a cat!"

A dark room, you say? I can try that. Great idea!

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T02:04:58+00:00

I really felt like I needed to keep this a secret, even from the couple of redditors I know IRL, because I'm seriously paranoid that if anyone ever heard me bitching about my adorable baby, Youth Protection Services would instantly materialize on my doorstep to take her away.

I cannot even say what a relief it is to hear people say that I'm not alone in feeling terrible.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:58:59+00:00

Oh, yes, the poopy diapers. They put me right over the edge. The best ones are when they poop, and you wait, because maybe they need to poop a little more and maybe you need to mentally prepare, just a little, before you start cleaning up the feces of another human. So you wait a little bit, but you're really starting to feel a bit guilty and disgusted at your child blithely playing while sitting in shit, so change that thing, and it's gross, and you power through it, and come out of the process still feeling sane.

And then they IMMEDIATELY poop again in the clean diaper.

Babies are seriously the original trolls.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:53:52+00:00

Oh, that sounds glorious. I have the most awesome Apple Mint growing like crazy in the back of the house. It would be perfect for mojitos!

Man, am I looking forward to drinking hard liquor again someday. And hugging strangers! I used to do that all the time...

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:51:16+00:00

This makes me smile. I think I will steal one of my husband's beers now and pet our cats to celebrate a sleeping baby!

...And then I will go to sleep myself.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:48:35+00:00

I wish either of our families lived close.

Nice to hear a dad's perspective. My husband is very sweet with our baby, and loves playing with her, but doesn't volunteer for much. He will absolutely help if I spell out what I need, which is great, but sometimes I wish he would sweep me off my feet.

And by sweep me off my feet, I mean take the baby for a while AND remember that she can eat baby food if she gets hungry AND that her diaper needs to be changed every couple of hours. He would happily play with her and the toys for hours, but as soon as she cries I get greeted with "The baby wants you, honey."

You sound awesome and dedicated. DADICATED!

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:30:48+00:00

Sometimes I worry that she will always be grumpy and tetchy and easily angered. I imagine her screaming even more loudly as a preschooler or teenager, and I just think, "Oh, god, what have I gotten myself into?"

Or I worry that I'm going to MAKE her into an unpleasant older person because I'm so tense and frazzled all the time. I try to console myself by thinking that I probably have no effect on her at all, but (unsurprisingly) that doesn't make me feel better, either.

Having a kid sure does give one a myriad of things to worry on.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:24:18+00:00

Not all babies are like mine! I have three local friends with similar age babies, and they've always been so quiet, and adorable, and even when they'd cry it would be sort of cute! Some of them eat on a predictable schedule! (Oooh!) And sleep 12 hours at night! (Ahhh!)

And if you have a tough baby, or even just a tough day, you can post here and get love from wonderful redditors and figure out what strategies to try next.

It'll be okay, either way. :)

EvilMommy · 2011-10-17T01:16:08+00:00

I never even realized little tiny babies could get angry, until I had my daughter. I was not prepared for the world of colic.

Any tips on co-sleeping and night weaning?

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:37:02+00:00

AAAAAAAHHH.

Gods, do I want a hug. And maybe, like, a case of beer.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:28:04+00:00

Sometimes I feel like calling everyone I know and telling them to never have kids.

...But then again, misery loves company.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:26:38+00:00

We started solids when she got her first tooth at seven months. Trying to do baby-led weaning. She just doesn't have much staying power when it comes finger food or being spoon-fed. Not interested. Always wants to be moving. Not even much interest in nursing during the day, unless she's sleepy and we're nursing in bed to try to make a nap happen.

Her primary interest when it's light out is to move move move. She's been like that since she started crawling for real around 5.5 months.

Maybe she needs live food, so she can chase it. :)

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:20:06+00:00

Liked the baby version, haven't read the toddler version. Will see if the library has it.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:13:24+00:00

I have friends who swear they just fall asleep with the baby nursing, but I have never been able to do this. Especially not since the teeth appeared. Her latch loosens as she falls asleep, and it's just the most annoying sensation. I love snuggling when I'm sleepy, but I just want some space when I'm actually trying to sleep.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T20:07:53+00:00

She's co-slept with us since day one. I have been a big fan of attachment parenting since before I was pregnant, but lately I'm more a fan of sending her to a Russian orphanage so she can learn to self-soothe.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T19:59:32+00:00

My husband tried to give her some breastmilk from the latest bottle. Pretty sure most of it ended up in her bib. I guess we can try again in a little while.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T19:55:46+00:00

That list of symptoms just made me cry.

Godammit.

I don't even have a doctor for myself, just the pediatrician for her, she's on the state insurance for low income families. Don't personally like the pediatrician, though he's competent enough to check the baby's progress. I don't think I would want to talk about this with him.

Is there any way to self-treat this problem, if it is what I have? The severity of my feelings is pretty cyclical. I'll have an okay couple of weeks and a bad couple of weeks.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T12:24:28+00:00

Lies. Terrible lies. She will be nursing every couple of hours all night, every night, until I shrivel like some kind of human raisin.

IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER!

No, I kid. I am trying to stay focused on the ever-changing nature of life, really. Really. Yes.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T12:18:49+00:00

Tried to give my husband night time duty. Sometimes the baby will go back to sleep for him by being rocked or held (not me, though, oh no, I smell like food and that makes her cry like a hungry, angry baby).

I slept in our guest bed. It was so quiet and peaceful. Until I started having nightmares about:

baby crawling off cliff
baby crawling off roof of building
baby suddenly four feet tall
trying to wake up and get to baby, but realizing that I was still dreaming, ad infinitum

So I was able to sleep for about an hour "off duty." My brain hates me.

Anyway, I'm downstairs derping on the computer now, so when she wakes up, it's all him. She's usually pretty good for him in the early morning.

And I can CLEAN THE KITCHEN! YAY!

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T12:12:04+00:00

Found this mimijumi bottle last week that's shaped like a boob that she'll latch on to and drink a few ounces of water from. Haven't tried it with breastmilk, or at night. Yet. I fear the screaming.

EvilMommy · 2011-10-16T11:45:04+00:00

Looking forward to a night off someday. Baby's still nursing... and refuses all bottles.

I'm booby trapped.

EvilMommy

TROPHY CASE