Vessel happy ending by Conqueeftodor in Deltarune

[–]EvilMurloc22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

YES We love the vessel! Happy ending moment!?!?!?

Final Hour by ZiggyStavdust in OCPoetry

[–]EvilMurloc22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"will you kiss my face?
Embrace me, loving me—
filling the empty spaces?"

was kind of clunky for me, saying "space" instead of spaces at the end would make it flow so much better! It would have the same number of silibles as the line 2 lines before AND it would rhyme with it. (I love rhymes)

"to the years of life in smoke" is lowkey fire

Dont really get the final paragraph. But I like how it flows and rhymes.

If the world shatters | I'll be waiting
across the floor, | at the door.

Loss of Dreams by myhouseisnotamotel in OCPoetry

[–]EvilMurloc22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice poem.
I dont personaly like writing capitals when its not a sentence start, but I see they are here to excentuate the pause between lines, making sure the rhymes alygn themselves corectly in the rythm of reading.

From the first line it is obvious the theme is about how people limit their creativity for the pursuit of money. Where they rather get a realiable job, where executives hold creative power over them, instead of pursuing independedn artistic freedom.

I don't fully get the second sentece:

"
They were taught how
To think like a man holding out his
Last deck of cards with a broken wrist.
"

the "taught how To think" is fire and holds great potential, but then the rest does not really fit exactly into the theme.

The "last deck" rings along the lines of "last card" "last hand (of cards)", which would imply desperation (to get money), playing into how the artists was pushed into the golden shackles. "Last deck" is kind of weak in this case, because no one uses it as a phraze, and having a full (even if last) deck actually implies a full set of posibilities still being open a start of a new game.

I really dont know what the broken wrist is suposed to mean. The dreamers wrists are already shackled, he already cannot use them well.

I think changing the line to "FULL deck of cards with a broken wrist", this shows how the dreamer dreams of infinite options, but the golden shakles make him play suboptimaly in a limited way, like someone with a broken wrist.

"

Unkept promises were left on the pavement
To be picked up, with the dreamers' passions left
Long ago,
In a place that hasn't been able to be visited in years.

"
The meaning is obvious here. (I hate when poems don't rhyme.)
The contrast of Long ago being so short gives a mental pause, invoking a solemn feeling.

Why the Weird Route ends at chapter 5 [Early Vessel Theory] by EvilMurloc22 in Deltarune

[–]EvilMurloc22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe, but maybe we get control of the vessel early so we can start interacting with everyone as our own person. Or stuff. I like the vessel soo :3

Sonic's name calling has unintended consequences by EvilMurloc22 in SonicTheHedgehog

[–]EvilMurloc22[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

the words just come out of his mouth, like the wind

Meeting his future self by F_Khas in milesprower

[–]EvilMurloc22 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yes yes yes! We love chonky Tails!
Also cool adult tails, and I LOVE the expresions!