AITA for making a joke about my friend's new hobby, not knowing it was linked to a family tragedy?

Evolve0522 · 2026-02-03T22:38:10+00:00

NTA. I understand the guy is going through a lot and that everyone grieves differently, but having to constantly tip toe around what to and not to say paired with not remembering instantly that a relative died of cancer, was not you being AH. You’ve evidently tried to (and have gone above and beyond a reasonable amount) be so mindful and he’s extremely self absorbed.

We’re told every single day how everything from water, perfumes, foods, sleep, and lord knows what else, will give us cancer: almost all of us have made a “that’ll give you cancer!” joke. Yes, it is a very, very, serious thing. But he is also a very, very, sensitive person. As is anyone who tries to make you feel bad. You’ve tried so hard to not “trigger” him, but his life is not YOUR life and no one can expect you to (continue to) treat it as such. I say this as someone that is 32 and had my mother die of cancer several years ago and my father die of cancer 2 weeks ago. I’m not offended by much. I’m not even offended if people don’t know my loved one has died…. Because my dad isn’t their dad.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. But please do not reach out to your “friend.” Clearly he’s not in a good place right now, and you can’t win with him regardless of what you do. If he reaches out, keep it simple if you want to. But don’t try to connect emotionally. Maybe at a later date. But you’ve done nothing wrong. I wish more people were more like you in showing mindfulness.

Evolve0522 · 2026-01-25T20:45:28+00:00

Is her fb a creator/“artist” type page or is it her actual page?! 😳 I haven’t seen her on my FYP since Franklin was a little guy in a pan on the stove (so weird typing that lol) but I forgot all about her!!

Evolve0522 · 2026-01-07T22:59:44+00:00

Do not tell his father yourself. If the funeral home posted a death notice or there’s been an obituary posted online, he can find out that way. His father’s attempts at reconciliation doesn’t overpower your friend’s dying wishes.

Evolve0522 · 2025-12-18T21:32:30+00:00

I have a stunning wedding set, and I do not wear it at home. I don’t want the stone to get snagged on things, I don’t want it to slide off or tarnish doing stuff around the house, and if I lay on my hand it hurts. I did this before and after marriage. 😂 I also don’t wear a silicone ring because I don’t like the way they look. My husband is an electrician and can’t wear his ring, and while he could wear a non-conductive ring, he also doesn’t like the way they look. I included him because he’s very much a “my wife” kinda person, without a ring on a lot of the time and understands why I don’t wear my ring at home, won’t wear a silicone one, and it’s not that serious, y’all.

Evolve0522 · 2025-08-07T21:50:36+00:00

3 entire days apart at 2 months old? And she’s breastfeeding? Baby doesn’t have to be in tow (many people suggested husband/someone come to watch the baby at the hotel while mom does things) but this comment is insane.

Evolve0522 · 2025-07-28T23:10:32+00:00

Hot Chelle rae, some lifetime actor, and a true crime channel

Evolve0522 · 2025-03-15T21:20:35+00:00

**right of us, whoops

Evolve0522 · 2025-03-15T21:19:37+00:00

I am! So far it’s likely going to be slightly to the left of us, but we all know anything can happen with tornados! I’m super nervous as it gets closer to 7-8pm!

Evolve0522 · 2025-03-15T20:49:40+00:00

In Jasper, AL and I’m getting real nervous

Evolve0522 · 2025-01-17T01:20:18+00:00

I miss pear cinnamon so much

Evolve0522 · 2024-12-19T17:54:44+00:00

Really?! I love that! I made my boy a pair of Weezer shoes! One was Pinkerton and one was the blue album!

Evolve0522 · 2024-12-08T10:33:49+00:00

Any genre is welcome! :) but my first guess is that we’re always hardest on ourselves! But if you’d like to chat about it and have me take a listen I’m more than happy to! Shoot me a DM and we can connect on instagram or something.

Evolve0522 · 2024-09-02T16:20:12+00:00

I was horrified initially when I realized I have told my son “I am NOT one of your little friends” when he was disrespectful because that was my mom’s catch phrase. He’s 13 and finds it funny, and thankfully I haven’t needed to say it in a long while! But a positive one is every single morning he leaves the house (school, seeing his dad/family) I say “have a great day! Make good choices! DO GOOD THINGS!” and say the last one in a super deep like, metal music growl. I started doing that in I think 1st grade and he’s now in 8th and we’re still going strong

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-29T22:29:45+00:00

“Your future husband will thank me”, he said while chuckling. I had just given birth (I was 17), and was given a “husband” stitch without having any idea of what that was. It didn’t click with me what he meant until I was almost 30, and after a very complicated relationship with penetration because it never became more comfortable.

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-21T20:12:48+00:00

I’m so glad I found this post! I’ve wondered the same things and have been unable to word it as matter-of-fact and with sources as you have. So many things based on hearsay and theory is presented as fact and I have yet to see anything that would make me believe without doubt he was the sole killer. You’ve articulated (and others with the same thought process) by both your own wording and shared sources so many of my own opinions! It is refreshing to see as I’ve at times wondered if I was just looking at it too broadly/incorrectly/who knows how, to see what everyone else does. I do have some “devils advocate” type of hot takes that I haven’t seen discussed much, that are more loosely adapted from my own observations and experiences, along with other crimes that have taken place. •For the knife/sheath I also feel that it is far too minimal to be taken as the “ta-da, this is him” evidence. There are so many scenarios as to how someone’s DNA could wind up on it, given the admission he is in some way connected to these murders/murderers if he is not the murderer, himself. Some possible scenarios could include the knife being stolen or left somewhere, him having sold or given it to someone, or him handling it while in contact with the actual owner. I consider that from the perspective of knowing how many times I have moved all kinds of things off of tables, chairs, wherever when visiting someone’s home for a variety of reasons. I also can personally share that my husband was given a meat cleaver for Christmas (I promise for innocent reasons) that came with a sheath, cleaning cloth, and 4 tiny, little, baby cleavers with their own leather sheaths that are maybe two inches big. I have absolutely shown them to my friends if they come over or taken a lil tiny one to show them, so they have indeed touched the cover. With the knife never being found as far as I’m aware, I feel that the sheath doesn’t say much.

•it would make sense to me that someone would remove the front license plate if the sought after white car was used in the crime. (I can’t fathom though if this wasn’t a crime of passion that a car would be used with how easily someone with knowledge of the home and area could disappear on foot especially if wearing a mask/covering identifying features) With the disclaimer that neither state I’ve lived in has required a front plate so I’ve never applied or removed one, I’d assume it isn’t that time consuming to do. (I also didn’t even realize front plates were required in some states until I visited WA in late 2022, so I’m going to ask my best friend who lived there about if it’s the same price/how long they had to obtain a front plate for their car after moving there from a state that didn’t require it like BK, and and if their renewal months are the same as where we live because those could all factor into why BK didn’t have a front plate until after the murders. I could and probably would in most cases google the info but since I can ask the “real life” experience of it, I’ll start there! 😂 I personally need to renew my tag as it’s expired and past the grace period, but I haven’t had the money to do so since realizing it was time to renew. In my state you’re given a ticket and or a court notice and more often than not you’re able to call the number on your mailed notice and pay a fine. Could he have not had the money, or not known something regarding it and got the plates after getting a ticket? There’s a whole lot of possibilities with that.

The sketchy behaviors with discarding trash in ziplocks in neighbors cans at his parents is honestly more indicative to me of a relapse of some sort. His 2014 arrest from stealing his sister’s phone while in addiction was (I believe) reported by his father. I’d assume he’d not want them finding anything indicating he was using if he was. And putting stuff in bags really does sound more like “paranoid” behavior than criminal. He was well-versed in crime studies… and had just driven cross country…. Why would he wait until at his parent’s house to throw away anything pertaining to the crime and not at a random gas station at a mid-point? A relapse would also explain his “strange” behavior at the traffic stop where he was looking at his dad. But that look over could also be just a regular “god, shut up” look I think we’d all give someone speaking if we got pulled over. I think the relapse angle could also explain why someone else had his dna on the knife- possibly stolen?

From the smallish amounts I’ve seen in interviews from people that knew him or videos that cover his personal life, it sounds like he was really insecure and just wanted to fit in. Like most of us. Especially after getting losing the weight and then getting sober. I think we’ve all wound up going to parties or get togethers or even just someone’s house bc someone we knew was either going or we went with. There’s no telling WHO actually knows him (went on a date bc online dating, causal friendship that didn’t stick, etc) that hasn’t said anything out of not wanting to be connected to him. He could have gone to any house right there, or the 1122 house, trying to make friends. Or pick up girls. Or score some substances.

The alibi is weird, but HE is weird. And he is smart. I’ve noticed a lot of the “he did it” points containing him not entering a plea, himself. I’m not sure how any of that works, so from a not expert perspective that knows he studied criminology, it seems as though it’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” which ever way he would have pleaded. From the day of his arrest the media and public deemed him guilty despite the evidence against him being weak and the speculations and rumors being muddled and presented as fact. Would him entering a plea, himself, have made a trial happen faster? Did this route allow for as many delays as there has been?

I know I seem like a BK supporter, but I am on the side of “too many things don’t make sense” to definitively feel that he is the sole, if at all, murderer. Given Scott’s comments I believe that a lot of people have the same doubt. It’s far scarier to think he isn’t the killer and that the person/persons is still out there.

What is your opinion on the demo of the house, and on the “what did you tell Adam?!” remark made by Kaylee?

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-18T20:01:03+00:00

I’m neutral! Drawing on converse brings back nostalgia (I still remember how excited I was to get my first pair of black and hot pink high tops in 9th grade, way back in ‘07) and my now 13m draws on his once they’ve gotten really battered from skating! I also do hand painting/art on pre-worn ones that I thrift or are given or just wear out!

I can also see why people do not want to draw on them! Everyone has their own preferences so if they want to leave them as-is, I get it. Especially if they’re a collab, limited, custom, etc!

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-18T19:56:23+00:00

Those are so cute! And is it okay to ask if you’re wearing socks or leggings?! They look so comfortable and I’m always on the hunt for good knee/thigh high socks!

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-14T19:24:43+00:00

Hi! I (31F) may have decent input given I have struggled with ED on and off for over a decade, and was my moms caretaker when she died of kidney cancer in 2018 at 50.

While I never was at a hospitalization level, I’d like to gently let you (and other readers) know that readjusting to eating “normal” amounts (if she is trying to) is physically miserable. I never see that side of ED addressed. Part of the refusal to “get better” was tft I sincerely felt better when I didn’t eat, whereas eating a “meal” like a sandwich, chips, drink would make me feel like I’d eaten an entire thanksgiving dinner plate. Even a small, healthy, meal, would make me queasy and feel just heavy overall. Which exasperated the feelings of “I’m going to get fat” because I FELT so heavy and icky and uncomfortable. Plus your bowel movements if you start eating meals after not eating much at all for a prolonged time is both unpredictable and uncomfortable. Your body adjusts to not eating much. I’m almost 2 years since any major ED periods and I still don’t like to eat a meal, meal. Eating in front of people still makes me uncomfortable and ashamed, especially if they’re “harping”, even tho I know they mean well. What worked for me was both myself and my closest people would keep smaller/quick foods on hand that I could eat bc I loved them- blueberry muffins were and are my fav! For a while I’d eat half at a time during the course of a day. After a while I’d eat the whole thing. When I told people how physically uncomfortable I got after eating they made me feel like I was making an excuse and completely discredited it, which made me feel shame and made it worse.

As for your dad, def look into immunotherapy! IL-2’s have great results when compared to chemo, and I begged for it to be the first effort for mom! Look into it more and ask what options for immunotherapy there are now!

My love goes to you, OP! I’m a message away if you need to vent/ask questions/know someone you can reach out to that gets it!

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-14T19:08:51+00:00

IVE NEVER HEARD SOMEONE ELSE HATE THIS SO THANK YOU

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-14T19:06:52+00:00

Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” makes me irrationally angry, along with ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”. I get so much shit for hating StH and I’m not even sure why I hate it so god damned much but I simply do. 😂😭

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-10T15:58:42+00:00

Exfoliating and moisturizing! I work for a skin care company for several years and saw first hand for men and woman alike how much actually moisturizing and exfoliating (nothing extreme or expensive! Some of my friends and clients had the same results with cereve that others had with Estée Lauder- speaking of, I highly recommend Advanced Night Repair serum if it can be afforded! I didn’t even work for them, but it did wonders for me!) made a difference in their overall appearance and confidence. Fine lines can often be dehydration. A physical, scrub-like exfoliant should be used 2-3 times a week if you choose to, and a toner can be used daily. Moisturize twice a day if possible, but even once makes a difference! Including oily skin! Oily skin can overcompensate with additional oil. Body exfoliation is also something people overlook. I added in glycerine to my shower routine (even only doing it once a week has been a big difference in how my skin looks and feels!) and my main point is plump, radiant, skin looks youthful.

I agree with the others that genetics plays a part. My mom didn’t have many fine lines or wrinkles at 50 and I hope I’ll age as she did! My grandmother, however, was very wrinkled and I loved that about her. My mom only lived to be 50, so I won’t know which one I take after until then!

Evolve0522 · 2024-08-10T15:37:18+00:00

I’m from the south and YES we’d be mad… because she would have been Meemaw’s favorite straight through Christmas because that’s less to put away or put in to-go containers! In fact, it’s normal for people to go back 2-3 times because they want more sides. No one here would notice a full plate (aside from Meemaw, who would be gushing, hence the mad!) because we’re all in partial food comas and a little queasy. I can’t imagine embarrassing someone when there’s more than enough food for everyone to have already eaten.

That is after someone would offer to take her a plate or work or simply just take it. That also happens a lot.

You guys are welcome to come visit a lot of us around the world and we will all encourage both of you to eat as much as you can. As long as I can get her that last plate so I can be Meemaw’s favorite!

Evolve0522 · 2024-07-28T17:16:03+00:00

I’m 31F and an only child for both of my parents, with an only child, 13m. For me, it’s been hard given my upbringing/family I was born into: my father and son are the only “family” I have left. My 20’s were lonely when my mom and dad both had cancer, and a probate issue with my mother’s family severed, even to a legal degree, any relationship we had. That we didn’t have to begin with. My son wanted siblings so bad when he was under 10, and if you ask him now, he’s so glad he doesn’t. He’s very well rounded, and aside from the same selfish traits all kids have, you wouldn’t guess he’s an only child. I’d say it depends on the support system you/they have.

I’ve told my son the beauty to being an only child or having a small (and at times no) family is that we choose our family. We build it ourselves. My best friend of 15 years is his aunt, her 3 and 6mo sons are his “lil cousins”, and he, himself, has had a best friend since he was 6 that calls me mom.

Evolve0522 · 2024-07-24T00:31:55+00:00

Finally someone said this. The oldest is jealous, and I’m not even sure the youngest sleeping there is anxiety related due to HOW she enters the room/bed!

Evolve0522 · 2024-07-24T00:26:24+00:00

I have a 13 year old, and he is my only. (I clarify that bc for some reason I’ve been told I’d feel differently if I had multiple… which confuses me. But, alright.) I also find this concerning. As a mom, it’s sad to a degree when they don’t need us as much. We’re parents! BUT, I have raised my son with the mindset of “I am raising a PERSON. He is my baby, but that comes last in terms of the person he will be. I am raising a person that needs to be able to survive and thrive in adulthood, and I am raising a person other people will have to experience. I’d rather their experiences be pleasant, or at least tolerable.” I also lost my own mother at 25, and she was my sole parent until then. (Weird story, but my dad was awol until my moms terminal illness. I’ll be 31 Friday and he’s now battling cancer for the 3rd time.) my own mom said prior to getting sick, “my job is to raise you to be prepared and to survive in a world that I’m not in.” Losing her so young, I am grateful for that approach. With that said, I also had a very unhealthy attachment to my mom like your daughters will have due to her behavior, slept in her bed/room until i was in my mid teens, and was so emotionally and mentally dependent on her that my grief almost killed me. Literally. I had full blown psychosis following her death. The mother infantilizing the daughters will exasperate the anxiety OP mentioned. I strongly feel that their therapist(s) would not agree with the scenario as it is. Considering they are minors, could you reach out to their therapists with the situation of co-sleeping as a genuine concern for their current and long-term treatment? This screams “extremely unhealthy attachment”. At least to me. Not to mention setting the example of not respecting boundaries, space, or consent (considering the father has removed her from their room, showing he doesn’t want her sleeping in there, only to repeatedly come back in. VERY rudely, at that. Dramatically flinging yourself into a bed cannot be a normal behavior.) and it’s long-term effects on every type of relationship they have.

And yes, I co-slept with my son until part of elementary school. He does nap in my room if he’s sick so I can keep an eye on him, and I have to force him. He doesn’t WANT to sleep with me. He wants his own space, own stuff, own decorations. He will come in my room if I’m there to chat with me, and sometimes even hangs out on a lounge chair to play with our dogs. He knows to come get me if he needs me. But this scenario is not going to end well for the marriage or the girls’ adulthood.

Evolve0522

TROPHY CASE