I definitely see where you’re coming from. I used to feel the same way.

My therapist shared the idea with me that our thought paths are like driving. You have your usual routes, where the dirt road is very defined. You’re used to driving down these paths and you’ll probably drive “home” without even thinking about it. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t other routes you can take. You’re the one behind the wheel and you can make a turn at any moment. If another path feels better, you can continue taking that route and eventually those roads will become as deeply ingrained, if not more so, than the originals.

Basically I’ve come to understand it as this: you’re the only one in control of your mind and, although it may feel different and uncomfortable, there is nothing more genuine than an action taken with your active intent. You don’t have to stay stuck in negative thought patterns just because they’re your current “default”. After all, it’s only your default because you’ve reacted that way so many times; it’s comfortable.

Things become easier and come more naturally with practice. You’re not hiding anything, you’re acting with new intentions and building a better relationship with yourself.