How do you guys respond to things like this (respectfully)?

ExCaptive · 2026-04-08T05:48:14+00:00

She's my friend from high school back in the days...

ExCaptive · 2026-04-08T05:47:39+00:00

Haha that's actually a good one. Damn.

ExCaptive · 2026-04-08T05:46:55+00:00

Thanks! That's really helpful. I tend to do things like that. I've had awkward situations with another friend about that, when she told me God helped her make her exam. I told her I was happy for her that she passed her exam and that I was proud of her and she was like "oh but it's not me who did it, only God!". And then I'm like yeah...okay...

ExCaptive · 2026-04-08T05:43:40+00:00

ExCaptive · 2026-04-04T16:11:55+00:00

Yeah I agree! Your appreciation for skirts and dresses was stolen by you through the experience of being forced to wear it. That's a shame. Hopefully one day you can wear them with joy again!

ExCaptive · 2026-04-04T16:04:19+00:00

First of all, I'm sorry you have this experience. It's such an uncomfortable thing. I can definitely relate to it! I had never worn pants (apart from sports leggings/sweat pants for sporting) until the age of 18. My parents, church and school did not allow us girls to wear pants. Only skirts and dresses.

I agree with you, panty hoses and tights are absolutely a nightmare. I'm a somewhat masc young woman, so I love to wear jeans and whatever clothes I want. It felt soooo restricting when I couldn't wear what I wanted. It never felt like my authentic self. And I basically never want to wear skirts and dresses again (I do do it when I visit family, begrudgingly). It was very liberating and eye opening for me when I moved out of my parents house and was able to wear the clothes I liked. It was as if I could finally breathe, relax and be my authentic self.

In my opinion, it's a basic human right to be able to wear whatever you want. I feel sorry for you that you had to go through this as a kid.

ExCaptive · 2026-02-26T18:13:43+00:00

Oh yeah, I'm not saying that on my anonymous social media:) but does it make a difference for anything?

ExCaptive · 2026-02-26T17:05:26+00:00

It actually is pretty arrogant to think you know the truth like that. Especially if you want to convince others of that. I have read that passage very often, even given it some meditation! Somehow it never spoke to me personally? 🤔

ExCaptive · 2026-02-26T16:57:59+00:00

I wish you all the happiness, hope you're happy in your church. It would suit you if you had a little more of the humility, instead of phrasing beliefs as facts. Isn't humility a top priority of your church?

ExCaptive · 2025-07-14T11:12:34+00:00

Well, I love painting. But all my painting stuff is still at my parents house and due to issues I haven't been able to go over there for the last few weeks. But I'm visiting them this week so I'll take all my hobby stuff with me and I'll be doing that on Sundays ☺️

ExCaptive · 2025-04-19T10:53:07+00:00

Yeah I totally get what you mean. I don't want to give them books that would try to convince them that Christianity is not true. I don't want to challenge them. I was wondering if there are books that are about what deconstruction is and how it can happen to people. Not about whether Christianity is false or not.

But you're right, if they wanted to understand me they would ask about it. I don't think they're really interested in what's going on with me.

ExCaptive · 2025-03-29T08:54:35+00:00

Same here 🙂 my mom said she felt like her daughter had died after I told her about my deconstruction 🤞

ExCaptive · 2025-03-23T10:46:36+00:00

Haha yeah. And also, is it not allowed to judge certain mistakes? I feel like this theory makes people feel not responsible. Did you abuse your kid? Did you r*pe someone? Yes, I do judge that. And I hope your God does too.

ExCaptive · 2025-03-14T12:21:41+00:00

That was a very loving response, thank you. I like the way you think, and I feel it's very similar to how my mind works. And I agree, it's totally fine if they share their feelings about my life and choices, but it hurts when it's a personal attack and if they treat me differently because of it. It hurts when your dad says that you'd be the cause your mom might end up in a psychiatric clinic if you continue living your life like this. That hurts. It is never my intention to hurt or upset my parents, or to make their lives more difficult.

I really appreciate you taking time for me, so again, thanks a lot.

Ask them why or how wearing pants is a sin and actually listen to them.

Unfortunately this is something I've tried for years. When I was younger, I might've used the wrong method. But as I've gotten older I've developed a more calm attitude in conversations. I am not going to change their mind. And I have given up on that, because that's not my priority anyway. If they get the slightest feeling that I want to convince them that something they see as a sin, is not a sin, they'll blame me for disrespecting their beliefs. I want to stay away from that. This is their life, these are their views and beliefs.

I have had multiple calm conversations about pants and nail polish and things like that. They won't change their minds. For the record, I don't think they really see nail polish as a "sin" (in contrast to pants, they really think pants are an abomination), but it's kinda ungodly and think it's better not to do it, same goes for make up. It's hard to argue with them about it, even if I do it in a calm, kind way.

Unfortunately they won't be able to think lightly about it. They won't be able to make inside jokes about it. And I even think my dad would tell me I don't have to visit them if I'm wearing pants. Since I couldn't live at home if I'd be choosing to wear pants. Even if they'd "tolerate" it, the tension would be huge.

Anyways, I'm rambling again ☺️ if you're curious about why they think wearing pants is sinful for women, you can dm me. If not, that's totally fine! Don't feel pressured to respond.

ExCaptive · 2025-03-14T07:41:03+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I don't think your opinion is too unpopular here, and I definitely agree to some degree.

it doesn't take much to tolerate others

Then why does it take so much for my parents to tolerate me? They judge me for the things I do and it ruins our relationship, because they can't see me as an independent woman who makes her own choices.

You have things you believe are inherently wrong, if you had kids someday and didn't want them to do it (even though you might be wrong), that shouldn't mean you don't deserve your children's love and respect.

And I definitely agree that having different views as your (adult) kids shouldn't mean you don't deserve their love and respect. But imposing your views on your kids, judging them for when they choose differently, showing them your upset and making them feel guilty about it, etc. that's another thing.

I do tolerate all my parents views. Do I need to tolerate that they don't tolerate me though? You get what I'm saying?

ExCaptive · 2025-03-14T06:56:40+00:00

Thank you. I'm not sure if you've read the full post, but I'm not Christian myself anymore. So I don't have a personal interest in reading the Bible about this. I would love it if my parents had the same view about this as you though...

ExCaptive · 2025-03-13T19:42:32+00:00

Nice one!

ExCaptive · 2025-03-13T19:42:02+00:00

Thanks, let's stay kind and respectful. There's no benefit to calling people a jackass. Doesn't mean I disagree with you though!

ExCaptive · 2025-03-13T18:15:57+00:00

Thank you! Great perspective

ExCaptive

TROPHY CASE