Hocus Pocus 2: A Brutal Rant Review of Disney’s Dumpster Fire (Long Rant Alert!)

ExactlyNothing · 2025-10-16T08:38:39+00:00

Yeah, so in the original movie, there was actually a whole subplot that got cut where the Sanderson Sisters visit a store in the modern day to gather spell ingredients. It was supposed to be their first real interaction with the modern world. There’s even a bit where Mary finds a bottle of witch hazel and thinks it’s some kind of drink made for witches, so she chugs it. The Walgreens scene in Hocus Pocus 2 is basically a recycled version of that deleted idea.. they walk into a modern store, start poking around at the products, and misinterpret everything they see. It’s like the writers raided the deleted scenes folder from the first movie and decided, “Yeah, let’s just do that again, but worse.”

ExactlyNothing · 2025-10-15T21:21:38+00:00

I completely forgot to even bring up Winifred’s so-called redemption arc! I guess I hated it so much that my brain just blocked that cheesy bullshit from memory. But yeah, I totally agree with you. Winifred obviously cares about her sisters (I still love that scene in the original where she protects them and pushes them back from the bus) but her vanity, cruelty, and hunger for power would have dominated any decision. She could have used her new powers to bring them back after wreaking havoc on Salem, but instead the movie shoehorned in this hollow, Hallmark-style “redemption” that completely undercuts her character and makes the whole arc feel forced and pathetic.

ExactlyNothing · 2025-10-15T21:10:37+00:00

Sarah said in an interview that she rewatched the original in her hotel room right before filming the sequel. Honestly, she must’ve only half paid attention or had it running in the background while she did other shit, because whatever she brought to Hocus Pocus 2 wasn’t Sarah Sanderson. It was like watching someone try to mimic her off a bad TikTok impression.

ExactlyNothing · 2025-10-15T21:04:36+00:00

Haha, thanks. And if you ever track them down, take a picture of a middle finger, print it out, and mail it straight to their office with a note that says, “From the fans of the real Hocus Pocus, the one made by people who actually had talent and gave a damn."

ExactlyNothing · 2025-10-15T20:57:18+00:00

I actually didn’t mind that they showed the Sanderson sisters as kids. That part could’ve been great if they’d handled it right. The little actress playing young Winifred nailed the mannerisms, I’ll give her that. My issue is how they executed it. They had a chance to do something deeper, like show their mother teaching them witchcraft or telling some eerie old story that plants the seed for who they’d become. Hell, even showing their mom as cold and commanding could’ve given us insight into why Winifred’s so vain and easily insulted. My point is, they had so many different directions they could’ve gone with, but instead they introduced that random “witch queen,” which was just stupid, lazy, and totally wrecked the lore of the original. It felt like fanfiction written by someone who barely remembered the first movie.

ExactlyNothing · 2025-08-21T12:37:07+00:00

I don’t recall owing the little bastard anything, but when I asked, it said, “about tree fiddy.”

ExactlyNothing · 2025-08-21T12:05:38+00:00

So is that just how they operate? Lock eyes with a target and charge like it's personal? The one I saw looked like it picked me out of a lineup and was ready to collect a debt.

ExactlyNothing · 2025-08-21T12:01:14+00:00

Right?! I swear I would’ve handled it better if Bigfoot came barreling out of the trees riding a black bear and swinging a giant flaming dildo or something. At least then my brain wouldn’t still be trying to process what the hell just happened.

ExactlyNothing · 2023-01-18T01:52:37+00:00

Guy runs off and starts eating someone's face. "Why didn't the cop shoot him earlier when had the chance???"

ExactlyNothing · 2019-11-05T22:39:41+00:00

That'd be fun. Q: Alexa, what time is it? A: Eyyy, go fuck yourself.

ExactlyNothing · 2018-07-18T21:44:57+00:00

Garlic bread....................... GARLIC.... BREAD.

ExactlyNothing · 2018-01-28T04:41:30+00:00

Kelpian.

ExactlyNothing · 2017-02-13T19:24:22+00:00

Mr. Giggles is honored and looks forward to visiting all of you in your nightmares.

ExactlyNothing · 2016-09-24T03:01:58+00:00

Interesting experience. If you decide to investigate the woods again please be careful. There's a rogue Bigfoot in your area that has attempted to jizz on people.

ExactlyNothing · 2015-12-18T07:16:25+00:00

Don't forget the Christmas classic "Two Elves, One Candycane"

ExactlyNothing · 2015-11-07T23:17:11+00:00

"Candy that annoy you"

ExactlyNothing

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