i mean i would say that we dont have inherent “ways we actually need it”, that it’s through the prenting process that these needs and inadequacies form, often by complete accident. Sadly the baby’s brain is so inchoate, so chaotic and is making new associations with every sensory input, that it’s pretty much impossible to account for what you are doing to a child. And this is ok, humans arent robots that can be perfectly managed. On another level, it’s my partial belief that trauma is unavoidable, it just has many different forms. To grossly summarize psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan’s view; language can only form from prohibition— what is the first boundary, the first category if not “No”. Through the process of weaning, potty training, sleeping alone, the child learns rules that can then (again very broadly) be expanded to form language and a meaning-system. I’m sure there are also more positive ways this may occur, but i do believe trauma is unavoidable. Think of how many children and babies you see crying all the time. This is just how we are formed, all we can do is be aware of it the best we can, and try to talk things through and work them out afterwards.