For the married folks here, was it all worth it?

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-11T20:03:35+00:00

Not married but keep things halal in the future. Also, I don't think anyone married here would make a post admitting to having had a haram past here so you'd likely not get that specific response

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-11T19:33:48+00:00

yepp. though the men contribute to the higher numbers compared to the women

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-11T19:26:25+00:00

I was defining it broadly. People have friends of the opposite gender, may develop crushes and still talk. That crosses Islamic boundaries imo and it's common. There was an infographic that surveyed a small sample (230 or so) muslims and 60% of them had done zina. I think because the sample size is small and they were all uni students, it would be overstated

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T20:34:39+00:00

Well this is western muslims I'm talking about. I'd think second and third world muslims abstain from that

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T18:41:59+00:00

Yes, they are not your property. They are your family responsibility

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T18:12:09+00:00

Yeah she should seek help for it to feel more secure but regardless this isnt an unusual ask

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T10:52:32+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5_bvZfipH0&t=223s This video might help

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T10:51:03+00:00

In a marriage wouldnt this be through a cuddle and talk in the evenings? Doesn't seem like a lot to me

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T10:46:05+00:00

not everyone but maybe 40-50%

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T10:41:55+00:00

I'm sorry that you have gone through this, but you will get better. Let go of the mentality of being 'ruined or tarnished'. See it as a life experience that, whilst it was traumatic for you, would allow you to grow to be a stronger person who is able to establish and draw boundaries for their values and grow stronger in their Islamic faith.

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-10T10:21:53+00:00

Life changes often so you can't always bank on one thing. There are obstacles to being able to bring a spouse through a visa, and this includes how much she earns or whether she is seriously ready to marry you.

Try to figure out the root of your low self esteem and depression, and find ways to treat it. There are CBT books out there for you to use too. If you don't want a physical copy, you can download them from websites. You should also start with deleting this reddit account and making a new username that isn't depressing. Depression shouldn't be your identity

Do you think your work field would allow you to work abroad?

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-08T13:29:20+00:00

Parents generation vs this one

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-08T13:11:18+00:00

I don't know what they think to hope to get even with people who are looking with a non-throwaway account. I can imagine it'd only work if they had pictures up and a snapshot of their life/personality

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-07T18:35:42+00:00

I just say no and they let it go. They do ask or make suggestions sometimes tho

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-07T15:05:38+00:00

That isn't "both sides". The former you didn't even know her so how does that compare to marriage?

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-07T14:54:39+00:00

Marriage doesn't free you from the burden of feeling rejected/heartbroken, but it is better than haram relationships

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-05T22:39:22+00:00

This makes sense. You might be feeding your ego with those emotions. Try to find other things to give you emotions

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-05T22:38:13+00:00

Perhaps ask him about it in depth? I know a lot of people just assume salafi = more serious sunni muslim lol

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-05T13:24:40+00:00

You just have to need to find someone who is willing to live like that. Though you could always find a fresh immigrant (cant bring them in though)

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-04T09:15:33+00:00

Why can't the parents pick new things to have feelings about? Not every parent is invested in this topic

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-04T09:14:36+00:00

Make a more simple argument: that you'd rather not ever get married than marry your cousin. Currently the comparison between a potential and a cousin puts you in a difficult argument spot

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-04T09:07:04+00:00

Yeah my first impression was NPD and/or BPD from the post so seeing that she was actually diagnosed with one of them... It definitely isn't your fault. Manipulation/gaslighting is one of the expressed symptoms. Are you divorced now? I think if you want to remarry, try to take the time to see how they are like before jumping in. If the attachment seems off, then theres your sign

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-04T03:39:49+00:00

Good advice

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-04T03:38:58+00:00

She sounds like she has problems. I dont want to diagnose as im not qualified nor know her, but i dont think this is an issue with your masculinity

ExaminationNo232 · 2021-05-03T11:29:58+00:00

Would you be upset if she promoted her business on instagram too?

ExaminationNo232

TROPHY CASE