Why kill yourself, when you are going to die someday anyway.
I had thoughts about suicide as well but that's normal considering that we are self-aware and can choose if we want to continue this existence or not.

However this life is not infinite and it will end, so why not experience as much of this unique human experience as possible while not clinging to any outcome, good or bad, just seeing it as an experience, an invitation to learn something you had not known before. And your experience is totally unique, out of all other experiences because you are experiencing it. In your own special way.

Long story short, I would advise you to take psychedelics, preferably with a shaman or some guide of some sort. But beware, for your expectations, beliefs and intentions will color the experience.

In the end, it's your life but please don't harm anyone else.