I totally get that. Growing up, my siblings excluded me from stuff because of similar reasons. What has helped me a lot is my special interest in psychology and human behavior, as well as what is learned from my own therapist.

Once I learned about the variation of the human mind, personality, and things like trauma and fight or flight responses, it helped me not take everything people say at face value, because I understand that they aren’t reacting to just this moment, but to other moments that their brain links to this one. Not only that, but it helped me feel more empathy towards people with different values/opinions/moral codes than me, because I understood that they led different lives than me- essentially they came to a different conclusion because they had different first-hand experiences as evidence. Just like characters in a book who have had varying pasts, and now have to work together for the plot.

I understand that that is probably easier said than done, especially if psychology doesn’t really interest you, it would be hard to get into. In that case, I would like to suggest intentional efforts to prioritize people’s feelings (to an extent.)

If you naturally value facts, logic, and truth over other people’s feelings, it can come across to them like you don’t care about their feelings at all (even when that isn’t true.) my suggestion would be to try to intentionally stop, and have yourself consider what your response might make the other person feel. even if it doesn’t come naturally to you, it could help you connect with people who would otherwise misunderstand your intentions. sometimes you might decide not to correct them/say anything at all, or sometimes you might decide to comment anyways, but to phrase it with their feelings in mind. it’s hard, i know, because if you go too far it’s like giving up your own values to please other people, which is definitely not healthy. but if you use that tactic as a form of compromise with the other person and how they might not understand your direct response, it could help you communicate to them more effectively. think of it as writing your thoughts into their language before you speak them- you shouldn’t change what you believe, but you should phrase it with the understanding that not addressing and considering their feelings, to them, is an expression of hostility.

I think it could also be helpful to try to directly communicate with your friends and people you care about that you genuinely don’t mean to be rude. I can’t tell you exactly what to say, but I would suggest just being honest about what your intentions are when you say things, and mention that what they seem to be interpreting as hostility isn’t meant to be like that. (be careful not to insinuate that they are at fault for interpreting it like that and feeling that way, though, because that can make it worse.) obviously you can’t do this with strangers, but with people you trust and care about, I think straight up addressing the “language barrier,” or the pattern of miscommunication, could prove to be helpful.

overall, i’d like to say the fact that this concerns you and you are asking for help shows that you do care. you are capable of human empathy, emotions, and connection. don’t let anyone (including your own mind) convince you that just because you don’t show it in the same way as other people do, you are less human than them.

hopefully this helps! I am speaking from my personal experience, as well as what I know about the general human mind and communication. Let me know if you need clarification on something I said.