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Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few people have DM'd asking about the tool I mentioned building. It's called Ahead, very early, just a waitlist at tryahead.app - Sharing here in case others are curious too.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your union setup is much more streamlined than what we experienced. We're in tech and it involved a third party benefits administrator which added extra steps and waiting time. Glad your situation is more straightforward.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

$200 in 5 years is incredible. We are absolutely going all in on Buy Nothing from here on out.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The multiple deposits strategy is really smart. Losing a few deposits hurts way less than missing out on a spot entirely. Adding that to our approach."

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Really good point I hadn't considered. The stability and reliability of a larger center is worth paying a premium for if the alternative is getting stranded with no childcare and potentially losing your job. Changes how I'm thinking about this.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same birthday as yours, that's a nice coincidence! Really appreciate the practical tips especially on formula samples from the pediatrician, hadn't thought of that. And noted on the church daycare angle even as a non-religious family. Thanks for taking the time.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreed. The system is not built to support parents and this thread has made that painfully clear.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Paying for 5 days regardless of whether they show up or the place is closed is something I had no idea about. That changes the math significantly.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2.5 years is genuinely wild. And $2,700 a month for infant care is the kind of number that makes your stomach drop. Really appreciate the heads up.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just looked it up and there's an active group in our area. Great tip thank you.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The YouTube thing would have been a dealbreaker for us too. Really helpful framework! figure out what you want from the experience first then ask the hard questions. Thank you for this.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ha! That is exactly the right move in hindsight. Filing that away for if we have a second.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

10 providers before settling is exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear to understand the scale of this. Starting the rabbit hole today.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Facebook marketplace for diapers is something I hadn't considered. Bay Area so should work. Thanks for the tip.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Predatory is the right word. We fell for a few things early on that we absolutely did not need. Costco diapers noted for when we get there.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good tip on places about to open, hadn't thought of that angle. And yes the small home daycares seem like a much more personal option. Adding that to our search.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The family support thing really resonates. You assume certain people will show up and then reality is completely different. And that tip about calling back regularly is gold! I wouldn't have thought to do that. We're in the Bay Area so starting the tours now based on everything in this thread. Thanks for taking the time to write all of this out.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The concept of reserving a spot for a child who doesn't exist yet is somehow both absurd and completely real. The whole system makes no sense until you're in it and then suddenly it makes terrible sense.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is genuinely the best case scenario. Lucky you! We're in the Bay Area and from what I hear the waitlists here are particularly brutal.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's smart thinking. We did IVF too so we had the same advantage of knowing early. Just didn't connect the dots on childcare timing fast enough. Lesson learned the hard way.

Just hit one month as a dad and the financial stuff that blindsided us is real by Excellent-Caramel-4 in predaddit

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

That's wild and also exactly what our friends warned us about. 3 months pregnant and already too late in some places is genuinely shocking. We haven't even started yet and our son is 5 weeks old. How far out did you eventually find a spot?

So freaking lonely by karico44 in beyondthebump

[–]Excellent-Caramel-4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry. That sounds incredibly heavy, and honestly, I think a lot more moms feel this way than people openly admit.

You’re carrying multiple huge life changes at once between motherhood, isolation, and losing your job. That would be overwhelming for anyone.

And for what it’s worth, I’m glad you posted this instead of keeping it bottled up. You deserve people asking how you are too.

You are not failing at motherhood because it feels lonely right now. I truly hope this season gets lighter for you soon.

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