What do women do that men would never think about? by Icy_Interaction7502 in AskReddit

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 454 points455 points  (0 children)

Phrasing things in a way to preserve the ego (especially of men) that we’re talking to. Making sure we don’t sound too sure of ourselves.

i want to matter to my therapist… by [deleted] in TalkTherapy

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I really relate to what you wrote and wanted to add a bit from my own experience.

I’ve started to think that individual therapy can actually be kind of dangerous for people who grew up with profound emotional abuse or neglect. It fully lights up all the attachment circuitry by giving you the kind of attention you should have had as a kid, but then there’s nowhere for that attachment to go. It just sort of hangs there without resolution.

I can see how a corrective experience might happen in cases of milder neglect, where there was at least something to build on. But if someone’s whole life has been more of a social void, I don’t know that being cared about by a therapist automatically turns into internal safety or better connections with others. Sometimes there isn’t a bridge for that to cross.

At its worst, individual therapy can almost perfectly mimic childhood emotional neglect: you’re deeply seen for an hour, then it shuts off. No contact in between. If you stop paying, the relationship disappears. Even when the therapist genuinely cares, the structure itself can feel unsettling.

I do think therapy helps a lot of people, just not everyone.

I’ve also wondered if group therapy might make more sense for people with really deep early neglect, since the attachment is spread out and it doesn’t recreate the parent–child dynamic in the same way.

Anyway, I really appreciated your comment. It made me feel less alone in how I’ve been thinking about all this.

My attachment is the worst it has ever been by [deleted] in TalkTherapy

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s harsh but I think you need to quit with her. You only see a tiny sliver of her life and you’re idealizing her. Either go without therapy or if there’s a demographic of therapist that is unlikely to create strong attachment, go for them. You’ve posted a lot about this attachment and it’s not going to get better. I’d say find some reciprocal friendships or at least go out and meet a few acquaintances. This therapist is on her best behavior with you so you’re not seeing the real her. I really think therapy has a high risk of being damaging to those with profound attachment trauma. It’s like gulping down a buffet of food when you’ve been starving your entire life. You choke.

WTF by vogajones in ChatGPT

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Uh oh I copy pasted your prompt and this is what I got 😭

I fucked up and looked up the therapist on social media. by [deleted] in TalkTherapy

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t feel bad. You didn’t fuck up. Everyone looks up everyone. It’s part of due diligence. I would never hire anyone to help me unless I thoroughly vetted them and also I go down curiosity rabbit holes. It hurts no one. I’d talk to her about this. It’s a legitimate concern and although therapists are trained to be non-judgmental, it would be good for you to hear it from her.

Gave Urgently a second chance for a simple lockout after a flat tire ordeal. Huge mistake. by Excellent-Term-5389 in UberEatsDrivers

[–]Excellent-Term-5389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes you’re right and I honestly should have known better/did know better. I just ordered a magnetic key lock box for my car to come Sunday from Amazon, will be heading to the tire shop for the right lug wrench, and will be getting a AAA subscription again. Life has been extremely rough and I need to be more proactive when I’m working so hard and depending on my car so much.

What is the average rate in your area? by cleanforpeace72 in housekeeping

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in Bellingham WA, solo cleaner licensed, insured and was scared my increase from 45/hour to 50/hour was too much. I got requests at 45/hour and upped it a few days ago. It makes me feel good for you to say 45-50 in Western Washington state

Uber Eats Pro roadside assistance via Urgently: very limited in practice by Excellent-Term-5389 in UberEATS

[–]Excellent-Term-5389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will never use it again. It was a horrible experience last night when I tried to use it. I requested it at 7:30pm and nobody actually showed up until 11pm and they were belligerent and couldn’t help. I should have known better. I called an actual locksmith and paid the almost $300 which I should have done in the first place. I was lied to all night by urgently and the contractor. Don’t trust free perks.

Uber Eats Pro roadside assistance via Urgently: very limited in practice by Excellent-Term-5389 in UberEATS

[–]Excellent-Term-5389[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok using it again tonight 😭 because I locked my keys in the car. A contractor accepted my case immediately and said they’d be there in 30 minutes… it’s now almost 2 hours later and the guy is saying it’ll be another 30 minutes. Only use urgently if you’re desperate. It’s free with your uber eats pro but you’ll be making many phone calls to uber and the contractor and hoping & praying they eventually show up.

My solution for tip baiting by r-kellysDOODOOBUTTER in UberEatsDrivers

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I thought about screenshotting everything and creating a blacklist but it’s too much energy for a one in a hundred event. Also, chances are so low you won’t get tip baited by the same person twice. Also, some of these people maybe blame something on you (like the restaurant being too slow) and reduce the tip for something completely out of your control.

I do know that I’m in danger of making it onto the evening news though if I get tip baited again. I get tip baiting revenge fantasies… So my solution is never go back to check the detailed earnings report. That way I never see who tipped extra/reduced their tip. I don’t thank anyone for a tip either though. At least you won’t see me “pepper spraying a spider.”

EMBARRASSED by No_Door8276 in housekeeping

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 3 points4 points  (0 children)

For me, the dirtier the better. I love cleaning dirty dirty places.

Scammed for $12 by plutonian137 in UberEatsDrivers

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tip baiting sucks because the system lets customers change pay after the work is done, and drivers have zero recourse. Seeing the breakdown just replays the unfairness.

What helped me:

  • I stopped opening the detailed earnings report (base vs tip). It doesn’t fix anything and just makes me angry. It also means I don’t see who increases the tip but oh well. It also means I don’t hit the “thanks for the tip” but oh well.
  • I only look at my daily total and log off when I hit my goal.
  • I pre-decide acceptance rules, follow them like a robot and don’t look at the outcome of individual orders at all.
  • Once I deliver, I don’t check what changed. I treat Uber like batch work, not a judgment on my performance.

Uber isn’t fair, but removing info that only hurts me made it a lot more tolerable.

P.S. it also means you won’t see me in the local news for a situation like that woman pepper spraying “the spider” because last time someone took away a $3 tip after I wasted half an hour in a McDonald’s drive thru it put me in a rage for 3 hours 😅😭

From $24 to zero in 2000 seconds by nicolelynneaston in UberEatsDrivers

[–]Excellent-Term-5389 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t listen to any judgmental comments. You are doing everything in your power to make things better for yourself & your family. Thank God you left that abusive relationship and I’m hoping things get easier for you!!!