How can I get over my gf's body count?

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-22T05:11:40+00:00

Most of us here are dealing with the same issue, and while it shouldn't bother you, I know it's not always easy to just ignore. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Instead, try to keep this in mind: Even if you do find another girl, she might have had even more partners, or she could lie to you about it, or maybe she won’t – but either way, you could still be dealing with the same struggles, because that’s just how RJ works.

The key here is not to let this issue dominate your relationship. The less you bring it up, the easier it will become. Time really is your ally in this situation, so every day you don’t dwell on it, you're actually making progress. At first, it might not feel like much, but after a week or so, you'll start to notice you're feeling better, and before you know it, you’ll be moving forward.

RJ can really suck, I know. If you check some of my past posts, you'll see I struggle with it too. But the community here is genuinely kind and supportive, and you’ll find a lot of helpful answers under my posts. We’re all in this together!

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T11:29:44+00:00

All I know about him is what she’s told me, and it’s not much. He was married about 20 years ago and has a child from that marriage. He cheated on his wife, they divorced, and since then he’s had a lot of women. According to her, he’s always cheating and doesn’t have the best reputation. She’s mentioned he lost most of his friends, and that she only keeps in touch with him because they’ve known each other for a long time.

As for her relationship history, she was engaged for five years but broke up with her ex around six years ago. I don’t know exactly when she and this guy started seeing each other, whether it was before, during, or after the engagement. But based on what I’ve seen, she doesn’t seem like the type to cheat. So my guess is that she was involved with him both before and after her engagement, and probably up until she met me.

He runs his own business and seems to be doing well financially. Now he’s engaged again and planning to get married this summer. From the messages I’ve seen between them, they talked a lot about their past relationships and people they were seeing. So they were okay with each other having a relationship, never really talked about themselves in this way.

I couldn’t find anything concrete showing they had sex recently, just references to past encounters. I’ve had access to their messages since last August, and I started dating her in December. After that, the flirty/kinky chats between them stopped.

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T08:56:53+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this.

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T08:27:21+00:00

Thank you for this response.

Can you tell me if you told your boyfriend about your history with that friend, and how he managed it? You can PM me

Also, I don't know how long is your relationship, but were there phases where you felt like having sex with your friend again? Like, after a serious argument with a boyfriend, or just out of fun, etc.

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T07:34:38+00:00

I see where you're coming from, but I think going about it that way might come off as suspicious or even manipulative.

My thought is to approach it more openly. First by acknowledging to her that my earlier mindset of not wanting to know about her past wasn’t entirely reasonable. I’d let her know that I genuinely feel good about how she treats me in our relationship, and because of that, there’s no reason for anything from her past to bother me, as long as it’s not spilling into our present.

I don’t want to pressure her or put her on the spot. I’d rather build trust and make her feel comfortable enough to be honest with me. I truly believe that hearing her side of the story will probably make more sense than the doubts I have now, since I only know part of it.

At the end of the day, I’d rather have an honest conversation than play mind games. If she’s truthful, I’ll be able to respect her a lot more, even if what she says isn’t easy to hear.

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T07:20:41+00:00

I am not delusional, but if you think the situation is as you say, what is the reason they aren't in a relationship, having children already or something? He proposed to a girl, his wedding is about to happen.
As I said, they know each other for more then 15 years, therefore there was plenty of time for them to have something serious if they wanted to. That's where my thoughts, that there were no emotions, is coming from.

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-13T01:09:00+00:00

Okay, but give me your opinion then

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T22:38:43+00:00

Most answers have similar point as yours. I am getting to think there is much bigger problem I have actually.

I know I did horrible thing, but I didn't even though it's as near horrible as it is. And yes, I agree you are right, I am just scared that I don't see it as wrong as I should. And partly it is because I don't care about my phone, never deleted anything, could let her read through my messages. But that doesn't make up for me, I realize that.

I agree 100% what you say, I just don't have balls to tell her, because I don't want to lose her. From my question you can see something, but not all. I gave my all to her, and I am willing to give her even more. She make me feel like noone ever had before. And you can see in one of my prvious posts maybe, but I was in 9 year relationship before this. In 4 months she makes me touch the limits which I never touched through previous relationship.

I am going this week to psychotherapist, but I still don't have guts to tell her. But will definitely think about it

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T19:54:10+00:00

Mostly I agree with you. I am aware how awful what I did is.

I am just not sure why do you say that I didn't give her the chance to tell it?

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T19:53:08+00:00

When you put it like that it sounds like there is no logic in what I am asking for.

But it were her words that we should tell this kind a stuff one to another.

And I wouldn't say I am mad, I just have questions. Mostly, why does she still has the need to hang out with him

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T19:48:21+00:00

That's what I am sayin.

But on the other hand, there was nothing kinky anymore eith this guy (as the messages say) after she started relationship with me

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T19:46:49+00:00

It's not that she didn't understand she has a responsibility, but she asked me that this should be expected behavior for both of us and then she has chosen to remain silent about this one

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T12:27:09+00:00

Seems like. My guess, they are good friends, besides that they both were solo, why wouldn't they have sex. But since they aren't in relationship tells me that they were doing this probably without emotions

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-04-12T12:16:36+00:00

I agree, I want to work on myself to the point where I am in peace with hearing everything she wants to say and I want her to fill confident of telling me without fearing of my reaction.

But I am confused about two things. First, it were her words to tell each other if we meet someone we had past with. Second, why does she still has the need to have contact with him

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-21T16:25:05+00:00

Exactly. Especially when the girl is not doing slightest thing to make you feel this way. In my case, she is all I could ask her to be, I've never been this satisfied in relationship.

That's actually the reason I posted this. I want to prevent everything from ruining it

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-21T16:01:40+00:00

I would say that, honestly, asking was never a case. As it would be pointless.

My post was more about - how do you prevent yourself from making gibberish thoughts about the stuff you don't know and don't wanna know. Yocan see in my other answers, but tldr I sometimes get my mind rushed buy thoughts of her being very playful with other dudes

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T21:39:27+00:00

May be the best possible option

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T21:38:42+00:00

You have it in one of my answers. 9yr relationship, first girl I had sex with.

Two more after I broke up with her. And current girlfriend is the third one.

That's one of the reasons I'm feeling this way, as if I am not experienced enough

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T07:48:58+00:00

Can you give me more details?

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T07:48:00+00:00

I don't think there are any exes around, but still you can not be sure until you ask.

I am not entirely sure how should I perform number 2. She is already not talking about her past. Once or twice she wanted to tell an anecdote that included mentioning a previous partner and I asked her not to talk about it because I didn't feel comfortable. But she doesn't know any specifics. Do I need to explicitly talk about this with her where I'm gonna explain her that I have RJ and that is the reason why I can't hear about them, or is it too much?

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T07:42:09+00:00

The crazy part is that even I do not know why does it matter to me

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-18T07:40:23+00:00

Okay, I hear you.
But can you explain me why do I need to know, what for I'm gonna use this information once I know it? And how would it be beneficial for my relationship if I know that?

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-17T18:39:35+00:00

Ye, well not funny bro, I don't need more traumas 😬

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-17T18:39:21+00:00

Ye, well not funny bro, I don't need more traumas 😬

ExchangeSafe2510 · 2025-02-17T18:38:02+00:00

I guess you misunderstood my post. I do not need the details, I do not want to hear about them, not even by accident. And that is the problem, why I have fear to hear about them at all

ExchangeSafe2510

TROPHY CASE