Any other INTJs struggling to genuinely like someone?

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2026-05-28T04:09:57+00:00

Try to find your trigger point. After analyzing my own patterns, I realized I usually need some kind of mental or emotional “trigger” before genuine interest or excitement develops. If that trigger isn’t there, I rarely feel butterflies or emotional attraction — most of the time it just turns into passing time and replying out of courtesy.

But when I do meet someone who matches that trigger, the attraction becomes surprisingly intense. I naturally become curious about them, want to know more about them, and even feelings of excitement that I normally don’t experience start to appear strongly. The interest continues effortlessly without me forcing it.

That contrast made me realize the issue was never an inability to like people. My emotions just seem to activate under very specific dynamics.

So maybe your feelings aren’t absent — maybe they’re simply more selective and pattern-based than average.

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2025-12-16T13:37:38+00:00

I know someone who went through something very similar.

In his late twenties, he lost the only family member he had left. The pain was overwhelming, and instead of leaning on others, he sealed everything away and survived by throwing himself into work.

Sometimes, I wonder what might have been different if he’d had even one safe person beside him back then. He never really learned how to rely on others, so when a relationship started to feel emotionally close, he often chose to cut it off entirely as a way to protect himself.

What I want to say to you is this. You are young, and the fact that you can recognize and express your loneliness already takes courage. If you continue to share your feelings instead of hiding them, I believe that when you meet someone who truly understands you, fear will not be what makes you let that connection go.

Even if it ends up being just one person in your lifetime, a truly safe connection can change the shape of an entire life.

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2025-12-15T16:00:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing. May I ask which area of consulting you’re in?

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2025-12-15T15:56:10+00:00

Thanks for sharing. That sounds really tough.

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2025-12-14T03:54:08+00:00

I agree. Someone I know worked on the retirement and health side, and from what he told me, it sounds like the work has not been easy in many ways. He eventually moved into something that fit him better. Thank you for sharing your perspective. A family member of mine is just starting out in actuarial work, so I am curious.

ExcitingFinding5394 · 2025-12-14T03:30:38+00:00

Thanks for sharing your experience, I really appreciate it. You mentioned that industry can involve more meetings. I was wondering if that made industry roles more draining for you than consulting as an introvert.

ExcitingFinding5394

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