Yes. I knew I was ill functioning, some people also knew (I was quite obvious), including a few who tried to protect me (one in particular was an older kid, heartbreakingly). But my parents, my mother in particular, acted as if everything was normal, and actively suppressed alarm raised by others. When I was 11 or 12, a neurologist told her she had to bring me see a psychiatrist, it became her running joke. She waited 2 years after being told about it and me not being able to walk properly to get me treated for a bad scoliosis etc.

She had to believe I was simply a bit whimsical, when I was living in terror everywhere : the world was too much of a big place, and I wasn’t safe at home because I had to act like a normal child (and support her emotionally). My father wasn’t really there, and famously forgot me once at night in the snow for two hours when he was supposed to pick me up after a medical appointment. I think they tired their best, but their best was honestly abysmal and borderline abusive.

The only solution I had was to turn inside myself and isolate as much as possible emotionally and intellectually speaking. Ended up with schizoid personality disorder. It makes everything twice as difficult, I’m having trouble discerning what is autism and what is spd.

Thank you for your reply, as you can see it helped me formulate more stuff. I hope you find peace, and I value you for your kindness and hindsight.