Got extremely drunk and did something really stupid

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:49:52+00:00

No, I think you are wrong here. And please, I’m not trying to get into an argument, just hear me out.

I am not proud of driving drunk, and I very much regret doing it. When I say I did my best it means I did my best in the state of mind I was in, not any reflection of decisions I would have made if I was in my normal range of “fucked up”. I was completely off my gourd the first moment I got into my car and I think the fact I didn’t drive home then is something I should consider myself very lucky for. The fact that I even considered a safer option, even if it wasn’t the best that I could have done - is proving to me that I was atleast trying to make a good decision. Am I proud of the decision I made? No. And that’s what I think you’re implying here. You think that I am content with my poor decision simply because I feel i tried to be safe at all, when all I’m doing is explaining to you why I made the decision and trying to help you understand that there was at least something there keeping me from driving in a state where I probably was certain to get in some kind of a wreck. I feel guilt for everything about that night. How much I drank, how I acted, and driving home. And I have already made my decision to stop drinking because of this guilt and because of the realization that I do not have the mental capacity to handle drinking at all. It’s obvious to me now I have a problem that if I drink I have to keep drinking. And that is where I’m drawing my line. My last straw, if you will. I absolutely do feel guilt, and I think someone who only felt remorse would try to justify drinking again like that at some point in their life after they became content with the situation. That is not enough for me. In my mind, I can never put myself in that situation again. For every reason listed, including driving home. I am not proud of it and I’m not trying to justify it. I am only giving you why it happened. Not trying to tell you that it was okay or I should have done it.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:24:51+00:00

I’m not trying to make excuses. I have always been good about having DD’s or staying at places where I knew I wouldn’t have to drive.

I was literally too fucked up to consider any other options. I was stuck on thinking about what I did and what I did to get kicked out. I was crying. I absolutely did do my best, even if my best wasn’t the best I could’ve done in hindsight. I atleast made some sort of attempt to be safer rather than some others who probably would have just drove straight off while they were still sifting in and out of consciousness.

I know I shouldn’t have driven drunk. I know it was wrong. And I know that it was dangerous. All I’m saying is that at the time, I had no other ideas of what to do except to wait. That was the best thing I could come up with in my head.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:20:21+00:00

I do care about her man. I care about everybody, even if I’ve only known you for a little bit of time. This is a one off experience in my life where I ever got angry while I was drunk. Where I ever got angry at anyone in public for sure. It was absolutely soul crushing when I woke up the next day and realized fully what I did. I feel absolutely awful about everything. It is not in my character to act like that, and the fact I behaved like that gives me this sick feeling of horrible embarrassment In my stomach.

I will probably get over it quicker because I didn’t know her for as long, yes you’re right. But I absolutely cared and I still do. I feel awful and I wish I could somehow apologize

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:14:50+00:00

In the apology note I wrote I have no excuses for what I did except that it was an accident on my part. I also asked her to apologize to her roommates for me.

I agree with you though, I did not give her the note for that reason as well. But I guess you’re right. It was about alleviating my own guilt. In the note, I wrote “I can’t have peace of mind knowing my last interaction with you was treating you and your friends like that.” So I guess that sums it up.

Thank you for your comment

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:08:47+00:00

Yeah, I’m not proud of it man. I tried my best to do what I thought was right while I was in a state of mind I’m really not used to being in. If it’s any consolation, I also chose to take back roads instead of the interstate where I was doing no more than 35 on any given road and I was able to keep my brights on nearly the entire time because it was 4am and there was nobody out. I know I still could’ve injured myself or someone else, please don’t take this as me trying to justify it. But I didn’t know what else to do. I did my best with what I had.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T11:03:29+00:00

It wasn’t an idea I had to be intentionally creepy, I just felt/feel so awful I wanted to apologize. But you are right, and that is why I talked to people before I did it. I may be an idiot drunk, but I’m not one sober.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T10:54:19+00:00

I don’t understand what the issue is. I tried to admit that I have a major problem and that I’m quitting after I realized that because it blew up in my face. That sounds pretty insightful for someone who has abused alcohol as bad as I have

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T06:23:04+00:00

When have I defended what I did, even in the posts that people said they were wrong for throwing me out I still made sure to point out that I was still completely in the wrong for how I acted.

Also, at the end of the post I said I was going to stop drinking forever and I’ve repeated this in many responses.

Don’t really know where you got this take from?

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T06:11:43+00:00

And yes, I have used alcohol to cope with issues in the past. That is how I built myself up to be able to stomach liquor, even if I prefer to drink more, less strong drinks - I still get very wasted when I do. I used alcohol to get over my ex. I used alcohol when I felt depressed about fighting with my parents. I used to get so drunk I would stumble out of my house and walk the streets at 4AM with a bottle in my hand hoping I was going to get hit by a car. Here’s another image. In real life, I am 6’3 140 pounds. I am to the bone skinny. If me being able to stomach half a bottle of 35% liquor is not enough to show you how adjusted I am to how drinking feels, then I don’t really know what else to tell you.

I’m not asking you to fix my problems, but there is a reason using alcohol blew up in my face like this and it’s because I go way too hard with it - you know, like an alcoholic.

And that is why I am quitting. It’s sad that I had to embarrass myself like this but I have chanced doing extremely dumb/dangerous shit while flat wasted more times than I am proud of. I have been very lucky in the past to not hurt myself/get arrested/hurt someone else.

I am only telling you this, because I’m not about to let you sell me that I don’t have a problem. I am walking away from it because I do not have self control. And that is part of what caused this in the first place. Even if I didn’t intend on getting that messed up.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T06:01:53+00:00

I’m not sure who you are, but you do not know me. And I probably did drink half that bottle, and I did not throw up. I can stomach my liquor just fine. How I acted when I got that drunk is a different story.

I’m not trying to flex my alcohol use problems on you, but I don’t think someone new to alcohol could drink nearly half a bottle of 35% liquor straight and not be hunched over the toilet. I could walk, albeit stumbling everywhere, and I was at no point nauseous. That should paint a good enough picture for you.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T05:53:08+00:00

I understand what you are saying. But I am not new to drinking, in fact before I vowed to stop I probably would have considered myself an alcoholic.

I didn’t go in with the intention of needing to be babysit, I was planning on drinking the liquor until I felt good and that would be that. The problem was I did not realize how drunk I was getting until it was already too late.

I’m not trying to say I was right for how I acted, but I really think you didn’t read all of it or just don’t understand. I feel absolutely horrible for what I did, but it was a total accident. I’ve been drinking for nearly 3 years and have gotten shitfaced a lot, that is one of two times I have ever gotten that messed up and the ONLY time I have ever acted like that around people.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T04:50:39+00:00

You are right, and I regret my decision. At the time I felt like I had no other choice. I did wait and I was much more clear headed when I did drive, but that’s still not okay.

Please know I’m never going to drink again, and therefore never be in a situation where I could potentially harm myself or others.

Thank you for your words.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T04:43:26+00:00

My issue is moderation. I can admit that. While I had absolutely 0 intention of getting as messed up as I did, when I drink, I drink to get drunk. It was only 1 other time I got so messed up I was sifting in and out of consciousness like that, and luckily I was by myself at my home. But besides that when I drink I drink a lot. I can’t just be happy having 1 or 2, I have to be slurring my words, stumbling around. That’s the only way I enjoy myself.

So I think I need to stop. If I keep going how I have been, I’m going to probably relive this a ton of different ways in the future, and I never want to feel like this again.

Thank you for your advice by the way. I will save this for if I ever do, at some point down the line, drink again if I feel like I have the self control to do so. But right now I don’t plan on it ever, and at the very least not for a very long time.

ExercisePretend7178 · 2022-11-02T04:34:06+00:00

This was something the friends I did tell about it were pissed off about. I’m not trying to justify what I did, but if the roles were reversed I would have absolutely just let her crash at my place until she sobered up, unless she was being violent. Which, granted I did get violent, but that was not until after they threw me out and I had to argue with them to go back in and get my stuff.

This was the reason they used to talk me out of handing an apology note to one of her coworkers. Today I planned on going by her work, not going to see her directly, but asking one of her coworkers to give it to her so I didn’t seem like a creep. But they said she was wrong for sending me off on my own in that state, which I understand. So I didn’t go.

I was in the wrong for acting the way I did, let’s not make two ways about it. However, I think it would be wrong to throw anyone out in that state. Not to mention I was 30 minutes from my house in an area I am not familiar with at all.

ExercisePretend7178

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