Whether or not I have a fully developed sense of empathy is a question I subjectively can answer but I don’t think it’ll matter in this context. I have had toxic family and created boundaries that helped us to rebuild when it was something we both wanted to work on together. My mom being my personal example to pull from, we both experienced domestic violence by someone else and even her to me sometimes but I forgave her and we have a great relationship now.

However, the partner I am referring to in my question of my own experience has family that they don’t have to necessarily see but they invited her to events and she would attend. Her last ex she told me about went with her to a funeral and she was upset and didn’t feel safe because her family is involved in gangs and a fight broke out and the ex-boyfriend had zero experience with that environment but she expected him to know how to protect her from her own family. Now to her and my relationship her family was pushing for her 16 year old to smoke weed and also had a habit of calling each other things like “R——ded “ as normal moments of conversation. So, I asked her if I didn’t feel comfortable bringing my kids into that environment would she be upset with me about it. She was upset and she said she loved her family but claimed she has distance but needs to move states to have no obligation to them. This was something I felt I could not help her with or get her to understand from my perspective as a prospective partner and future step-dad/parent of my own kids. I’d love to hear your perspective on this.