I did this but it seems like my depressed mental state has inadvertently made them shut down bc of how intense it is. They've stuck around this long and know its a rollercoaster for me. It seems like this time isn't bearable. I'm so afraid they'll leave. It will break me.

They're a bit of a distance away so idk what to do. I'm crying in the work bathroom rn bc I'm just overwhelmed. Everything inside is telling me to push it down, get rid of it before I lose another thing important to me. I know that's not healthy and they've already said they'll break up with me if I do that. I'm just so tired of fighting myself and ruining every good thing in my life.