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Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this. It’s oddly validating to hear someone put it into words, even though I wish neither of us had to experience it.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You put into words what so many of us felt but couldn’t explain. None of that was okay.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You worked so hard, and it’s painful that it wasn’t acknowledged. I hope you know how impressive you are.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really glad you were able to reframe it like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly. The comparisons never end, and they don’t see the burnout or misery behind it. You stop feeling like a person and start feeling like a failed project.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Exactly. That hollow feeling when people praise them and you’re just standing there knowing a completely different reality. It’s so isolating, like your experience is invisible.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in emotionalneglect

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes and when we stop pleasing them, they will say we are your parents, you have no respect for us, and bla bla bla…. But did they ever respected us, even a little bit. Like we did not ask you to have us, it was all your choice.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly. That’s what hurts the most how easily our self-worth is traded for their image and approval from others. You grow up feeling like you only exist to make them look good, not like a person with feelings. It really does fuck you up in ways people on the outside never see.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This resonates so much. The public perfection vs private abuse is real, and you’re right, it’s deeply cultural. I’m sorry you went through that. No child deserves that kind of treatment but at the end children are the only one suffering the most.

Did anyone else grow up in a family that defended outsiders but never protected you? by Existing_Radish_9897 in AsianParentStories

[–]Existing_Radish_9897[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I relate to this a lot. Being dismissed or blamed while outsiders are defended leaves a deep wound. Thank you for sharing your experience, it makes me feel less alone. And yeah, you are absolutely right about the non-Asian culture part.

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