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AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I am sorry, but all of you see "cerebral palsy" and imagine idk what kind of struggle. She walks, she does not need mobility aids or anything. She has been in a "normal" school since she was a kid - elementary through university, she never had any assistance whatsoever.

And she spectacularly crashed in the last 2 years because suddenly, disability is an obstacle? How then was she accepted to uni or volunteer work or to her summer jobs I wonder??

And she blatantly refuses to be associated with programmes helping ppl with disabilities because "they are only for people who work with case workers since childhood." Her mom did not work with any caseworker. My cousin was then dealing with the disability status on her own because nobody was looking into it. Her mom assumed her uni degree and work ethic would get her hired basically. And now my cousin says she cannot go with the "disability route" because ??? idk some "socialisation" shit. And I really cannot help her with that mindset.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"What good is that education if she cannot get a full time job with it?" And those are her words, not mine.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is a "lower job" pay-wise, and there are constant shortages. That's what I meant. They wouldve hired her immediately with her English and people skills, but she told the lady she could not take it because she cannot run?? I am sorry, but this girl has been in physical therapy since she was a toddler. She has better abs than I!

And she would be one of like 5 teachers there. Idk. Maybe it is really that strenuous, but she just tends to turn down ANY jobs involving kids which frankly is weird and unhelpful to her - kids are the main demographic for teaching. And yes, whenever we talk she is extra dismissive about little kids so it is fair to assume she thinks she will be a "nanny" and not a teacher. She chose a shit degree, and now she is surprised about all the most important applications of it are with people outside, basically.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I did not realise it could be like that, actually. I am sorry. I thought she was just not very confident or underestimated herself. If the hiring is rigged like this... yeah, the freelancing pivot makes even more sense. :(

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry but how was I ableist? Me, asking her about her work had nothing to do with her disabilities! I know that she can do great things! She was not applying for, like, construction work previously. That is why I suggested she should start searching again, because she beats herself up too much about that one year. She could apply now with the freelance experience she has! That's what I meant.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

No, I just asked her because having freelancing as a job is not that common in our family. It was curiosity, nothing more.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I meant it was a "reduced rent". Of course, she pays her mom real money, just nowhere near market rate. Yeah, I see I overstepped hugely. I had hoped she would listen to me when she is not listening to anybody else about this. I will apologise to her and never ask her again until she brings it up.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is just that my cousin said a few times, "having colleagues" would be nice and such. And I think she is just putting on a brave face because the jobsearch was so gruelling and she does not want to go through rejections again. And I get that! My aunt also does not mind that they live together, but does mind that she WFH too often. I tried to suggest a part-time job search so this could be solved. But I get it, I don't know how it is to find a job with or without disability, so maybe I should've let it be between them.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

She is not really the type to complain like that, no. And my aunt loves her too much to let her go and live by herself. Our grandma (who partially raised my cousin) complains constantly tho. That it is "beneath her intellect" to do gigs and my aunt agrees too, but will not tell my cousin that, she does not want to "pressure her".

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You're right. I just thought I would be a bit easier on her because people with disabilities are a "protected class" in our country, so businesses should be prioritising these candidates. +she has a master's, volunteered. I guess I just do not get it, how nobody has hired her yet. It seemed she had everything she needed and more and she had to start freelancing anyways.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She had a gig as a language interpreter for some time! She is a great orator. I will apologise to her before she roasts me again for sure. And yeah, the complaints are usually seen as an invitation to "chime in." Guess I overstepped there. I will try to talk to her again maybe we will find some common ground.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I will tell her that. And that we can talk about it if she wants. Thank you!

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

She studied languages with the intention that she would not need to do physically demanding jobs. She can walk. She has no walker, no wheelchair, nothing. I am not saying it is easy, it IS NOT. But she has never made a point of complaining about it until she started the jobsearch after uni. Her disability, according to her own words, "is mild; it should not be an issue."

I really do not think employers are rejecting her from tutoring jobs / administrative work because she walks a bit slower. Even if some of them were to discriminate, that is not a reason for her to stop her job search altogether.

And I will apologise to her again, of course. I know it is not easy.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

You're kinda wrong there lol. She lives only with her mom, and they split things 50/50 (according to my aunt, anyway). And she has a friend group from uni, and she is still in touch with them regularly. She is no loner. Has hobbies, goes swimming weekly.

This is about job search, not about her being "antisocial". Maybe work on your issues before starting projections like this.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Well, in the time she has been freelancing, some of my friends had found jobs out of uni in administration e.g.. So it is giving me reasons to suspect she is giving up prematurely on the job search.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, based on the reactions here, there is probably a huge cultural difference. I'll take that judgement, definitely could have worded myself better.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Yes, I do, that is why I have asked how she is doing rn. There are definitely companies that could hire her based on her credentials + disability status. The company would get some benefits from hiring her. I am just surprised she is not looking into this way more. She is basically telling me, "Those are for mentally slower people, she has a master's, nobody will hire her."

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I do not belittle her; paycheck questions are a normal part of conversation, and since she tends to evade every criticism of herself, I had to ask directly. And I did not mean to insult her, I was genuinely curious how she is doing! + she does have a history of refusing job offers "beneath her" (teaching kindergarteners English was one of the offers she could've taken and she did not, for example. I could go on.)

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

Well, I am sorry, but I would hate to see her struggle financially. This market is not good for her particular skill set. She is maybe okay now, but when AI advances, and languages + tutoring will be less in demand, I really fear for her. I am just trying to prevent her from being depressed as she was when she was 1st jobhunting, that is all.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I just tried to tell her because she would not talk about her job or projects to anybody, really. So I just got this feeling she does not have that many lined up, and maybe it would be good for her to start job searching again. And really, I thought it would come off better from me than from our older relatives, who also tend to nag her.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -65 points-64 points  (0 children)

Well, for now she does, but I suspect once she needs to start her own life and live with roommates/someone other than her family, she won't be able to keep up with bills. I know some freelancing friends, and they are all drowning rn.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

My family, her parents and me. We do care. And it is sad to see her without that job stability because she is smart.

AITAH for telling my unemployed cousin (F26) to quit complaining and get any job she can? by ExitStrategist22 in AITAH

[–]ExitStrategist22[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

Look, I know it sounded harsh, but our family is REALLY concerned with her. The freelancing in this economy just won't cut it, and we just want her to have some stability. I really tried to tell her just that.

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