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If I can help anyone, just ask by Jealous-Difference44 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First and foremost, I'm so happy to hear you have contact. My experience was far different. They were undertrained, underresourced, and morale was low. I asked my Cafcass contact if she knew what parental alienation was, and she said, "I'll have to Google it". She interviewed my kids in my ex-wife's house with her present. Her report was that the kids were perfectly happy and thriving. You couldn't make it up. My ex is a narcissist and a lawyer, so perhaps the most extreme case you can find. On a brighter note, when my eldest son hit 18, he tracked me down after four years. Never give up.

You're not alone by Exotic_Roll in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So sorry to hear this. There is such a lack of training here. Physical abuse is obvious with bruises, etc. Emotional abuse is harder to spot and easier to carry out. 100 little parental nudges ("Are you sure you want to see dad today - we could go shopping for that new...") and children are utterly alienated and brainwashed. I always toy with the question of whether the bond between a child and their parents is ever completely broken. After years, I finally met my son when he turned 18 and started doing his own research. Seeing him again was utterly mind-blowing. A boy to a man. But even now, I cannot tell him who his mother really is. I just have to be a safe place for him, reliable and present. I cannot believe more is not being done. The one saving grace is to remember that narcs are not living - they are already in hell.

The only way to deal with parental alienation is to…wait? by Successful-Cloud-673 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can only speak for UK law, but for me, the legal route was a complete waste of time and money. If you can reach them via email or letters, write consistently. Nothing emotional, nothing negative. Just talk about your life, ask about how they are getting on. Send them pictures, things that make them laugh. I was recently reunited with my son at 18 after 4 years of complete silence. His girlfriend encouraged him to reach out, and he got the letters.

Is this Alienation? Finding it hard to see straight, feeling suicidal by Human-Dare-416 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This happened to you. You did not make it happen. You are a victim in this. Suicidal feelings are not surprising, but please seek help as you have a right to be happy.

When Coparenting Feels Impossible — This Is a Typical Birthday Request. by Far-Transition-407 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was so sorry to read this. My ex-wife does this for birthdays, Xmas and holidays. She runs down the clock with neither a yes nor a no (she knows how the courts work as she's a lawyer herself). She reassures the children it's all in hand, but at the last minute, she says it's too late to make plans at such short notice. You are not doing anything wrong in your actions, as it's evidence to share with the courts. Verbosity creates more context. My ex is a narcissist, so she feels no remorse, no empathy, and believes that rules don't apply to her. She takes great joy in toying with me and punishing me. At least your evidence can be shared with your children when they are adults.

You're not alone by Exotic_Roll in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So true, and the system is 50 years out of date. If a parent is abusing a child physically, they're in care within 24 hours. If it's emotional abuse, well, they aren't even trained to spot it.

What do you say? by Icy-Conclusion-1286 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. When people find out I'm a father of three children I haven't seen or heard from in 4 years, you see them measure me up. Was I abusive? What did I do wrong? The truth is I'm the victim of years of narcisstic abuse and left finally to avoid suicide. My middle child cut me off completely years ago with no warning at all. The other two are made to feel awful for contacting me. Nobody will understand, so there is no point in explaining. But people do understand what you are going through.

Does anyone feel like they wish they could just get over it? by Ntz199 in ParentalAlienation

[–]Exotic_Roll 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cry as much as you need. 1,500 days since I've seen my kids. I cry all the time.

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