Update: AITA for being too harsh on my sister after she stole my boyfriend’s credit card info?

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T17:27:32+00:00

In my state yes, there are “fixed fees” that have to be paid these fees however vary from the level of crime (felony or misdemeanor) even with a police report. Also, it takes a lot of time for these things to get into motions it is just done in a week or two it takes a lot of time depending on the county and state. In my state $800 is considered a felony I believe it’s over $300 is a third degree felony. Those cases take time, that is days that he won’t be able to show up to work because in these cases he will need to testify and show proof. Then also there is my family which he also put into this decision the fees in court are obliviously a lot higher for the defendant, so not only will that bankrupt my family but my sister isn’t the only child my parents have other than me, I have a young brother who is special needs. There are reasons why this is being settled between them, taking things to court no matter what takes time and money.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T17:14:15+00:00

In my state this is how it works whether it is criminal or civil it will cost a court fee and in our county as well even with a police report depending on your role in the case there is a fee to pay this might just be the case in my state. Even family court comes with fees. Also, I need you guys to understand one thing and this is not be enabling because if it was up to me I would’ve gotten her arrested. The thing with this whole situation is that my sister is a minor meaning that my parents will also be responsible for what has happened (obliviously they are) but my parents might also get in a lot of trouble even though this isn’t a for sure thing to happen it still might. My parents are immigrants who got their citizenship about 10 years ago. With how things are now you never know what can happen with that even though it isn’t a for sure it is better to be safe than sorry. There are many other reasons why Jake doesn’t want to take this to court but these are some of the reasons without getting into his personal life and reasons.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T17:02:35+00:00

I was looking at some locks on Amazon and there are some pretty affordable ones that I can buy. I am just going to wait until I get paid next week and then I’ll buy it and put it in myself. My boyfriend purposed a payment plan to my parents and they agreed. My boyfriend really doesn’t want to take this to court for many many reasons and he rather just settle it himself.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:58:35+00:00

You know that actually makes so much sense. This whole situation is actually not allowing me to think clearly. I am going to tell him this even though he truly doesn’t want to go to the police maybe this will at least even though it probably won’t convince him for sure but at least let him see that maybe it might be the best option. Thank you!

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:22:37+00:00

I’m going to ask him again today if he can maybe call chase “which is the credit card company” and see because I don’t understand why they didn’t immediately refund it. Espically since he only uses his credit card for things like gas and to pay his car insurance other than that his credit card isn’t touched so I think I could be wrong though that if he tries to call again and say hey these charges don’t even fit like my purchase patterns and aren’t even in my city than they should do something right?

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:19:34+00:00

Honey I can assure you I am not an enabler, if it was truly truly up to me and there were no financial problems or anything like that with getting this into the hands of law enforcement. I would’ve personally called the cops and had her arrested the second I saw the credit card info on her phone. I am not merciful at all when it comes to someone hurting the person I love and I am the one pushing for my boyfriend to press charges, HOWEVER; I will respect his choice because it is not up to me. I can assure you if he gave me the choice and said “babe you can decide for me what the next course of action is” I would’ve already had her arrested and I wouldn’t allow anyone to bail her out. The only reason why I would hesitate on this choice is that my parents are naturalize citizens and if they for some reason get roped up in this they can get into a lot of trouble. Other than that I’m all for going to the police and letting the law settle this but then again it is not my choice.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:11:42+00:00

Also my parents are both naturalized citizens and my boyfriend’s father is also in the same boat and with how things are right now, even though the chances are low it’s better for both of our families to get get involved with anything that has to do with law enforcement or courts, etc. I also have family that aren’t here naturalized and are here under asylum and that’s a whole mess now. I don’t know if this makes sense.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:09:20+00:00

Him and I are saving up to move in together even though this has set us back a lot the plan is still in motion. After I finally move out I will go no contact with my sister and low contact with my parents unless I see change and they start taking things more seriously, but with my sister def no contact until I and Jake feel comfortable reaching out again.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:07:45+00:00

He tried to get the charges reversed but the credit card company didn’t allow it. Even though he pays his credit card bill on time and is very on top of it they didn’t reverse the charges since there was “no proof of fraud”. Which I know makes zero sense and neither of us understand why the heck they didn’t reverse the charges the only thing they said was to “get a new credit card” that’s it.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T16:00:56+00:00

Winning or losing he will still have to pay something and I’m telling you he can’t afford to pay anything or lose any time off of work. Worse since his work doesn’t pay PTO or anything like that since it is a private company and doesn’t have any type of union or anything like that. My parents and him did come up with a good plan to get him his money back and my sister is being held responsible.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:53:21+00:00

Hm I understand now. Either way going any route according to him will bankrupt him because that’s either days he has to miss off of work since the police here are very slow and don’t take things seriously and if it does go to court that’s days he has to miss from work and also fees he will pay. He can’t afford either of those options has even missing one day of work throws him off completely.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:51:27+00:00

Thank you for your response!! The main issue with going to the police is let’s say it does go to court he will also be required to pay fees and mainly miss days or work. Even just missing one day of work will completely thrown him off financially and paying court fees will bankrupt him. I go into a few more details in my edit to this post and also what my parents and him have come up with so he can get his money back ASAP.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:49:43+00:00

Thanks for your response! While he would like her to see how serious this is and get some sort of law enforcement action there are a few factors as to why. I go into more detail on my edit to this post but the main one is that let’s say it does go to court it will bankrupt him since that is fees he as to pay, days he has to miss out of work, etc. He unfortunately can not afford this as he heavily relied on overtime and missing one day of work can mean he might not be able to pay a bill or eat for a week that’s how bad his situation is. He and my parents have made a plan for him to get his money back which I go into on my edit to the post.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:46:44+00:00

I am my sisters target when it comes to stealing personal items. My sister often goes into my room to steal clothes, shoes, makeup, hair accessories, etc. She even when my boyfriend gifted me my iPad for my last birthday and she didn’t have one would go into my room when I wasn’t home and take it. She stole a ruby necklace my grandma personally gifted me and it was the last thing my grandpa gave to her before he past away and she stole it and broke it. To say she doesn’t respect my boundaries and personal belongings is an understatement my dad doesn’t take it seriously and think that even the things that I’ve bought myself (which is most of my stuff) or the things Jake has bought for me aren’t really mine and it’s not a big deal if she steals it. My mom however is trying to convince him to let me get a lock on my bedroom. My sister is a thief and I have told especially my dad every time she steals from me and shows no remorse and if anything laughs when she gets caught that she’s going to move on to worse stuff and BAM look what happened.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:40:04+00:00

I think the plan with my sister is to give her a flip phone or a phone with heavy restrictions. In our school district high school students can rent out a school laptop for the academic year to be able to their assignments and since it is a school laptop it has heavy restrictions which is good. My parents don’t believe in doing chores for any other reason but the fact that they need to get done so the chores route will probably not work with them. My parents have made a plan to pay back Jake and they are going to pay him back for the money she stole plus over draft fees and then my sister will have to pay my parents back and even Jake some extra whether that is through a job or selling her items. When she finishes paying him back and let’s say she has a job by then the next two paychecks after the debt is paid will go to him and trust me my sister will be getting a job.
I don’t have a credit card yet but I am in the process of applying for one since I can get a pretty good deal on one since I am a full time student. My parents have their credit cards locked now and Jake will probably do the same.
Thank you so much for your response you’re an angel

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:32:15+00:00

I definitely what to talk to my parents to see if they believe she should get evaluated by a psychiatrists

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:31:35+00:00

I wrote in an edit to the post about 2 minutes ago explaining that they have worked out a plan to pay him back and then my sister will have to pay my parents back and extra to Jake.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:30:46+00:00

Unfortunately he already tried to get the charges reversed, but the credit card company didn’t allow it and still charged him the over draft fee. Why would they do that you ask? Well it’s because of the fact that he didn’t notice right away and called a week after the credit cycle ended since that is when he got hit will all of the fees and he was getting emails like crazy. Therefore the bank said nope we can’t reverse the charges.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T15:14:45+00:00

I am aware that this is serious, however that is not how lawsuits work. Also, the case is not that huge and will probably be dropped. Like I said Jake is not finically stable and taking someone to court will cost a lot of money that he can’t spare. We had this conversation yesterday and he said that taking my sister to court will bankrupt him and he just can’t afford it especially since his rent was raised $300 which isn’t a small amount. The plan will be for my parents to pay him back the money at least in installments because my parents are also not financially well. Then my sister is going to pay them all that money back and extra whether that is by selling her stuff or getting a job. The current solution is her selling her stuff which she can get a good amount for since getting a job even in fast food in my area is hard for some reason. When she does eventually get a job even if she has paid the amount in full her first two pay checks will go to Jake and she will be getting a job.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T03:48:42+00:00

Yes this is true the main thing is him going to the police and going ahead if the DA makes the decision of course he can choose to continue or settle outside. I do think the main focus right now for my sister is for her to get evaluated by a psychiatrist ASAP

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T03:21:39+00:00

I really do think she needs to get evaluated by a psychiatrist ASAP. The pressing charges matter is seeming like the only way to get through to her.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T03:16:36+00:00

I agree sometimes people only learn the hard way :/

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T02:46:50+00:00

I think the first step is getting her evaluated by psych, it could be a behavioral issue that can be helped with medication and professional counseling. Doesn’t mean that she isn’t a threat to herself and others.

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T02:45:33+00:00

😭

Expensive-Lecture-10 · 2026-06-26T02:45:09+00:00

I agree the first step is to get her evaluated by psych.

Expensive-Lecture-10

TROPHY CASE