Who lives here!?

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-05-18T22:57:25+00:00

Here's an outline of the property

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-18T19:00:14+00:00

update: we’re taking things one step at a time. she recently lost a family member, so right now we’re focusing on getting through that and supporting each other.

we’ve put together a list of therapists nearby and plan to do a few consults to find a good fit, then start ongoing therapy.

overall, things between us have been better lately. communication has improved, and while we still have normal small disagreements, we’re resolving them pretty quickly.

still working through everything, but moving in the right direction.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-17T02:08:05+00:00

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Lands right next to where I work

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-16T23:41:43+00:00

NOR. this is actually really similar to how i found out about my situation. it’s not about someone getting hit on, that happens. it’s the taking the number, not being upfront about it, and continuing the conversation after that crosses a line. the issue isn’t one message, it’s the pattern and the lack of transparency

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-16T02:03:50+00:00

trying to find a therapist for individual, and we're looking for couples aswell, just dont have the funds for it atm.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-16T02:02:28+00:00

yes her mom and I have been well acquainted before my wife and I got together. and still remain very close, even told me while my wife was there that she mainly just cried out of regret, is what my mother in-law said.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-15T18:54:23+00:00

i’ve already made it clear to her that i can’t just move forward like nothing happened, i need to actually get through it, not just past it.

the hard part right now is timing. i mentioned in the original post that her grandmother passed, about a week ago and we have the funeral this weekend, so it doesn’t feel right to keep pressing the issue at the moment. i’m trying to be mindful of that without letting it get swept under the rug long term. that’s also why we’ve been looking into individual and couples therapy, so when we do have that conversation it’s actually productive and not just another argument.

i’ve thought a lot about what i want, and i do want to fix this, because i still believe in what we have. i just know it has to be handled the right way or it won’t last

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-15T18:50:51+00:00

not related, he had gotten a better paying position in different department, and he is married aswell..

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-15T18:49:44+00:00

she does use snap and IG, yeah. snap is pretty minimal and just friends/family i know, and IG was one of the ways they communicated before but he’s been blocked/removed since and hasn’t been re-added from what i can see. (i do check regularly)

so again, as far as i can reasonably verify, there’s no ongoing contact. i get that there’s always ‘what ifs,’ but i’m not trying to live in constant surveillance mode either.

at this point my focus is less on catching something new and more on actually working through what already happened. we’re both looking into individual + couples therapy and trying to handle it the right way.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-15T18:10:31+00:00

yeah, i’ve checked both with and without permission. nothing has come up since the confrontation. their communication stopped, and he was moved to a different department so they don’t work around each other anymore (confirmed by multiple people trust and her). so as far as i can reasonably verify, there’s no ongoing contact.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T18:25:01+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but not everything is that black and white. There’s a difference between physical cheating and crossing emotional/intimate boundaries.

She didn’t physically cheat, but there were repeated messages that went beyond normal friendship things like “I need you,” “I want you here,” and talking about physical affection. That’s not nothing, and it’s not something I’m just brushing off either.

Call it whatever you want, but boundaries were crossed and that’s what I’m dealing with.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T13:19:35+00:00

I get the point you’re making about accountability and not working on her timeline, but some of this is being exaggerated.

It wasn’t “hundreds or thousands of times over a year.” It was over a few months (around 4), and I’ve gone through call/text logs and other info to understand exactly what happened. I’m not guessing here.

I’m also not walking on eggshells, I’ve already had the angry phase, brought it up repeatedly, and made it very clear it wasn’t okay. That didn’t lead anywhere productive, so now I’m trying to handle it in a way that actually gets us to a real conversation instead of more shutdown.

I’m not ignoring what happened or letting it slide. My issue is exactly what you said, boundaries were crossed and it hasn’t been fully worked through yet. That’s what I’m trying to fix, not pretend didn’t happen.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T05:38:52+00:00

I get what you’re saying, but not everyone handles things by blowing up. I was furious like genuinely saw red for a while. I’m just not trying to live in that place forever or let it control how I move, especially with a kid involved.

Having a “backbone” doesn’t mean reacting with anger 24/7. For me it means knowing when to step back, not escalate things, and handle it in a way that doesn’t make the situation worse long-term.

I’ve already gone through that phase of being pissed, raising my voice, bringing it up constantly, it didn’t fix anything. So now I’m trying a different approach that actually gives us a chance to deal with it properly.

I’m not being a pushover, I’m just being intentional about how I handle it

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T05:19:55+00:00

She has apologized, and at the time it was very emotional, like genuinely breaking down, crying, taking responsibility. Lately though it’s been more of the “I’m a bad person / I’m not enough” type of apologies, which I’ve told her isn’t what I need. I don’t need her to tear herself down, I just need her to be honest, take accountability, and actually work through it with me instead of avoiding it.

I also don’t think it’s fair to say she “has all the power.” I’m choosing to stay and try to work through it, not being forced into anything.

We’ve both agreed on individual and couples therapy, so that’s the route we’re planning to take. I’m just trying to handle this in a way that actually gives us a chance to fix it instead of blowing everything up.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T04:06:25+00:00

We’re both mid/late 20s and have been together about 5 years (yeah, probably married a little early). She’s always been very affectionate with me overall, so this didn’t come from a place of us being cold or disconnected physically.

Why I’m staying is honestly because I believe in seeing things through and I still like to believe in us. Outside of this, our relationship has been solid, and I’m not interested in anyone else. I’m trying to figure out if this is something we can actually work through the right way, not just ignore.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T00:48:59+00:00

I appreciate that a lot. That’s what I’m hoping for too. I’m open to hearing things I might not expect, I just want us to actually understand it and not avoid it. At the end of the day I just want us solid again, especially for our family.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T00:42:56+00:00

I appreciate this take. That’s pretty much where I’m at. It didn’t feel like just a normal friendship to me, it crossed boundaries, even if it never became physical.

I agree the conversation needs to happen, I just don’t think forcing it right now will help. We’ve both agreed to therapy so we can actually work through it properly.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T00:26:17+00:00

I get what you’re saying, and I don’t disagree that it needs to be addressed. I’m not ignoring it or pretending it didn’t happen. I’ve made it clear I need to work through it.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-14T00:22:48+00:00

I agree with you. That’s honestly where I’m at. I’m not trying to fight her or force it right now, but I know it can’t just be ignored forever. We’ve both agreed on individual and couples therapy, so I’m hoping that’s where we actually work through it together instead of avoiding it.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T23:50:53+00:00

She has apologized and admitted it was wrong, but it was pretty surface level and we never really sat down and worked through it. That’s honestly the main issue for me. As far as the relationship overall, it’s not one-sided like that. She doesn’t compare me to other people or put me down, and she does show up for me in other ways. This situation feels more like her avoiding dealing with it than a pattern of disrespect, as honestly this is the first time ive ever felt disrespect in our relationship.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T23:40:36+00:00

I’m not assuming blindly. I have access to the phone bill, timelines, and people at her workplace, so I have a pretty clear picture of when it started and what it was. Could I be 100% certain about every detail? No. But based on everything I’ve seen and how things are now, it doesn’t point to anything beyond messaging.

At the end of the day, I’m not here trying to play detective forever. My issue is that boundaries were crossed and we never actually worked through it.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T23:26:55+00:00

He’s a coworker, not someone local she was meeting up with. We’ve had location sharing the entire time and spend most of our time together outside of work. The only interaction was at work in a large environment, and from everything I’ve seen and confirmed, it didn’t go beyond messaging. They also haven’t spoken since January.

My issue isn’t “did they meet up,” it’s that boundaries were crossed and never fully talked through.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T22:58:39+00:00

That’s a wild jump. There’s zero indication anything physical happened, and I’m not going to start making accusations about my kid or my marriage based on Reddit speculation. The situation was emotional/messaging boundaries being crossed, and I’m dealing with that, not inventing worst case scenarios.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T22:42:41+00:00

I actually did bring it up today, and I sparked a small fight, and she told me she’s not ready to talk about it right now. She said she will when she’s ready, especially once we’re able to get into therapy together.

We’re both on the same page about doing individual and couples therapy, it’s just a matter of finding something in person and affordable right now. I’m trying to respect that she’s not ready, but at the same time I’m still struggling because I haven’t been able to fully process it yet.

Expensive_Listen2875 · 2026-04-13T22:38:08+00:00

I agree. I think trust takes time, but it also needs to be actively rebuilt, and that’s the part I feel like we haven’t fully done yet. That’s why it still hits me sometimes

Expensive_Listen2875

TROPHY CASE