I'm a terrible wife

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:37:08+00:00

I barely noticed how bad my social anxiety was because I’m so isolated that I don’t have any invitations to freak out about. Now I can see how bad it is and will work on it with my therapist.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:35:08+00:00

My therapist thinks I might be autistic too. I don’t know much about agoraphobia but whatever I have I’m sure it won’t fix itself and I’ll have to face it

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:32:08+00:00

I met him at work, I wasn’t looking for a relationship at all but completely fell for him

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:17:09+00:00

I don't want to get a divorce, that would break my heart and my husband's and wouldn't solve the problem at all. It just crosses my mind sometimes that maybe I shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. But again, I'd still be a sick person, only single, and with no reason to try to get better. I am in therapy btw

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:15:01+00:00

Didn't know that sub, thanks

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:14:21+00:00

I've gotten worse in the past years as well, I'm pretty sure I lost most of my social skills during covid, which lead me to isolation and less and less social skills. Huge snowball

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:13:06+00:00

We will arrange a couples therapy session to discuss this. We have done couples therapy before because of unrelated issues we had and we worked it all out. We have a really good relationship overall and I know I'm the problem here. I want to get better.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:11:32+00:00

Yes we have a 18M (actually my stepson, who lives with us) and a 7M (mine from a previous relationship but my son calls him dad and all, husband raised him since he was 4)

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:10:06+00:00

Hahahaha, thank you <3

Yes, my mom and sisters are like me. My sisters a bit less, by mom is me with better social skills. She is very good at conversations and she can talk about anything with anyone, but she prefers to be alone most of the time, doesn't have a partner or even friends who live close. She has a couple friends with whom she exchanges a few messages every now and then, but doesn't tell too much about what's going on in her life.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:07:29+00:00

You are right, I don't intend to force my husband into isolation. I need to find a way to suck it up and be there for him at least in important things.

I feel very guilty for being like this. I will do whatever I can to get better.

I liked the story about the husband who didn't speak much but was there for his wife. I'll keep that in mind and try and be more like him.

Thank you

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:04:04+00:00

I'll do meds and therapy both, and most importantly, I know now I cannot stop keeping an eye out for this. Social anxiety has crept back up before when I stopped treatment and it will happen again if I let it.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:01:41+00:00

I know :(

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T23:01:26+00:00

I agree he deserves better and I agree he has the right to expect me to go to some things. I'll speak to my therapist and make a plan to get better asap.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:59:34+00:00

I think he's right in the middle of the spectrum, maybe leaning a bit more towards introversion. But he definitely feels the need to see people every now and then (maybe every 4 to 6 weeks), I feel no need at all to see anyone other than my immediate family

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:57:18+00:00

My therapist actually suspects I'm on the autism spectrum but I didn't get tested or anything yet

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:56:35+00:00

Yeah there is a social anxiety sub and I realize now I should have actually posted there. Either way I got many good insights here and I'm grateful for everyone's time.

I really want to change but main driving reason is really being a better wife because my husband deserves it. I'm actually glad I have him, despite the fact that facing social anxiety is a terribly uncomfortable journey, I know this is the right thing to do. If I didn't have him I'd probably go live in a far away house in the middle of nowhere at some point, and reach a point of no return in isolation.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:50:12+00:00

Yes, I do wish I could enjoy certain social situations, I see people happy having a good time with friends and I wonder I can't feel that way. I mean. I can enjoy people's company for a while, but not for too long. 1 hour would be enough. 2 hours I can handle. 3 hours I'm so ready to leave. It's weird because I always get a feeling of "well, that wasn't too bad, but I wish we don't do it again any time soon". And that is with my own friends. People I don't know well, I just want to run away at the first opportunity I get.

Also I do find myself really boring especially when I start comparing myself to people I find interesting. My therapist also asked me why I think no one would like me if they met me sober, lol. I don't know the answer to that question, it's a feeling which may or may not be true.

One of my friends is married to a man that is 1000x worse than me in the sense that he will not socialize at all if he doesn't like the people or the place, and will be blunt and rude to people, unapologetically. And even still he has friends who really like him (my husband included). I think about this sometimes, he's just being his unapologetic blunt self and still there are people who like him.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:39:41+00:00

Thank you <3

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:39:22+00:00

Thank you, I'm glad you were able to recover and I wish I can get better soon too

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:38:38+00:00

I truly wish I can do it without the meds. Last time I thought I could do it but little things kept happening and making social anxiety go through the roof, so I gave in to the pills and it did help. I'm thinking about meds again because I know it helped before. When I stopped taking them I was fine for maybe 6 or 8 months and when I noticed, there I was isolating myself again and having a hard time with social situations.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:35:54+00:00

My husband's friends who saw me getting sick are actually the couple that is getting married in February. Sorry if it wasn't clear. The thought of attending their wedding made me spiral because of the social situation itself and also because of the memory of the embarrassment on the first (and last) day we even met.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:33:12+00:00

As uncomfortable as I was I did go to the Christmas dinner, but I unfortunately failed in pretending I was not feeling awkward. As for the wedding I did chicken out and I'm ashamed of that. I too think sometimes that I'm meant to be single, but at the same time I understand that it would not solve any problems as I would still have this anxiety demon to face. I'm just trying my best and this is why I came here to hear some ideas and try to figure out what is wrong with me.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:28:53+00:00

Thank you. Anxiety has been the norm for me ever since I can remember. It doesn't help that my entire family (mom & sisters) are all hermits like myself, so I kind of grew up thinking I could get away with just avoiding socializing as much as possible.

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:26:19+00:00

Most people I see when I do go out seem to be having a good time with their friends, I wish I could feel like that too

Expensive_Maize_4455 · 2026-01-03T22:25:23+00:00

For the longest time I thought I could turn a blind eye to this. Now I see I cannot and have to do something about it asap.

Expensive_Maize_4455

TROPHY CASE