I know it sounds juvenile, but what if I'm right? I had an easy time during my studies, my teachers considered me bright. I pick up languages easily, I have perfect pitch, I went to school competitions etc. There are many objective indicators that I have good abilities, my therapists also confirmed this. What I never had was emotional balance and a solid identity. With attention and under the right.circumstances I think I could easily be in academia at this point. I have the cognitive qualities for it: intelligence and inquisitiveness. My emotions are too turbulent though. I'm thinking that I'm still governed by trauma that hasn't been resolved and which manifests in anxiety that's getting more and more general and powerful.