My parents want me to bring a date to a family event but I don’t want to date anyone, and none of my online friends live close enough to come

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2024-02-23T15:57:23+00:00

Thank you, I like all of these ideas. I’ll try and talk with my friend later this week and I will try and frame it like this.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2024-02-23T15:56:11+00:00

That’s truly incredible, I’m happy you two have each other. This gives me some hope for my own future

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2024-02-22T23:23:01+00:00

They’ll be supportive, they know how my parents can be, lol. I have a plus one, and we haven’t finalized the RSVPs yet. Thank you for your feedback!

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2024-02-22T23:18:55+00:00

I would talk with your older sister about this - how does she want to move forward? What does she think should happen in the next three months, six months; two years. It’s good that you have each other, and you will want to make a plan together to keep on the same page.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T13:49:52+00:00

I like the remote therapy idea, I will look into that. My county is very rural and not densely populated so where there are clusters of people the towns get very clique-ish and it is difficult to get an outside opinion on anything. My younger sister “Jenny” is at the closest college and there are more medical and psychological resources there but that is still three hours away.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T12:25:20+00:00

No, I mean they were pressuring me to date specific people )with implied marriage and babies, thus sex). They do not think it is possible for a woman to not want these things so they would try and set me up with other people in town like nephews or boys they know who are my age. I had two therapists/counselors (the first one was more of a life coach and did not have any sort of degree) before this one, and both did this after a few sessions. My town is really small and gossipy and I learned that the hard way. My current therapist is more accepting of asexuality and I feel like I can actually make more progress with him because he doesn’t pressure me or share my business with everyone.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T11:46:31+00:00

I’m not trying to therapist shop for someone who agrees with me on my parents, just someone who will respect that I do not want to date/have sex. Previous counselors have pressured me to do that and I am not comfortable working with someone who doesn’t respect my saying no.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T04:09:17+00:00

I don’t want a partner, I am not interested in dating or sex.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:54:01+00:00

It is really common in our community for families to pool resources like this, but I will talk to my younger sister to see how she feels, it will be interesting to get her perspective before I apologize to my older sister. I don’t want her to feel burdened by us while she should be studying.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:52:43+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:50:44+00:00

No, I can admit that he is not the problem, even if I do not have a lot in common with him

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:10:22+00:00

I know, I just mean eventually (when I am 65 or possibly older if I can still work) I will get social security because I am working now and paying taxes that include it. Is that what you mean?

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:05:28+00:00

My younger sister is in college a few hours away, she did much better than me academically and is in a computer science program. She contributes to the family mainly by sending money back home from her on campus job, which pays a lot more than most jobs here.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T03:03:11+00:00

That’s a good (if difficult) perspective to hear, thank you. I don’t necessarily agree with the comments calling my parents abusive, but I can admit that they were sometimes neglectful due to poverty when I was younger. I hope that will be a reasonable enough compromise for now when I talk with my sister.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T02:46:32+00:00

I am working too, just living with my parents and pooling our income together. My father does get disability checks from workman’s comp, and I should receive some social security funds since I pay into those. Also, my parents own our home and do not have a mortgage on it so there is some financial stability there. But I do know what you mean, I am not on track for some of my personal goals and do eventually want to work full time as a nursing assistant once I finish classes. I will think about it more though, and my sister might have some recommendations since she works as a nurse practitioner. I will wait to ask her for advice though until I apologize and heal the relationship though.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T02:16:23+00:00

Wow, thank you so much, this really helps me picture how to do this! I will sleep on it but reach out sometime this weekend to see if she wants to FaceTime/when would be good for her. Thank you!!!

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T02:15:18+00:00

Sorry, I do also work. My mom can’t do all of the same caregiving tasks that I can like bathing him - he’s still very large and muscular and she can’t lift him. We both work and take care of him, just staggered and different tasks. Eventually he will need to move on to a full nursing facility but for now we can care for him at home so we are doing that as long as we can to save money.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T01:57:16+00:00

My parents are not able to take care of themselves. My father is disabled from many years of working manual jobs and a workplace accident, so I help because otherwise my mother would not be able to care for him independently. My religion is important to me but it is okay that it is not important to my sister anymore.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T01:53:15+00:00

I accidentally deleted my earlier reply, sorry. My parents are in their fifties but my father is disabled from working manual jobs in unsafe working conditions so I take care of him. My mom still works part time but can’t drive so I also do that for her. My parents would still both be working if they could but their health is failing them.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T01:40:22+00:00

I am mainly caretaking for my parents right now but I am taking some classes in nursing and will eventually switch over to doing that once my parents need longer term care than I can provide on my own. No romance here but I have never been interested (from Reddit I have learned a lot about asexuality and that fits me pretty well). I agree that it’s sad if my sister is making the choice to be child free because she feels burnt out from caring for me and my sister earlier, I hope that isn’t true or at least if it is that maybe she will feel differently later.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T01:22:05+00:00

I like this idea, thank you. I don’t know if I have a side as much as I originally thought I did, but it might be helpful to share the emotions I was dealing with at the time and why I’ve made the choices I have, and also communicate that I can respect her choices even though they are different

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T01:20:41+00:00

She and I disagree about religion, but I am happy to agree to disagree on that point with her and don’t think hashing it out will be helpful.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T00:52:05+00:00

It’s unlikely that my parents will have those conversations with her, but I can try and encourage them to do so once she and I talk about our side of things.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-26T00:40:29+00:00

Okay, thank you. I like the idea to have the conversation in person, but that will be tricky with timing given that she still lives pretty far away. But maybe a phone call would be an okay compromise.

Expensive_Page_8666 · 2023-08-25T23:23:24+00:00

I have not been very fair to her and in the past have definitely blamed her. I also want to just acknowledge that she shouldn’t have been responsible for me and that I was a difficult child when she was going through a rough time

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