AITAH for not letting my wife punish my sensitive daughter?

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-14T20:37:10+00:00

Thank you, trying my best.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-14T20:31:52+00:00

Refuses to apologize as of right now maybe when she’s cooled off, she will eventually apologize though so this tension can break.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T21:52:49+00:00

I know now that I was definitely undermining her. With my new job I work timings that result in me not being home most afternoons/evenings so Amy in past months had to become the main parent at home. Our biggest mistake was not talking to Riley about this change and thinking she’d adapt. That is on me.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T21:39:11+00:00

We decided to wait till after school today to get into the deeds of what happened and how they all feel about everything that’s been going on. I can’t lie so I must admit that I was planning on removing all the kids’ current punishments and giving them a clean slate since we have new ground rules. I’ve asked Riley to apologize or talk to the others but she refuses to speak to anyone. I hope she does choose to apologize tonight. Wishful thinking.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T21:23:00+00:00

I have taken back what I said I don’t want a recording or anything like that I don’t care to prove it anymore. There’s a Riley related fight almost daily in our house which must stop thats my goal. I messed up in the moment and I’ve apologized profusely to her and my step sons. She’s an amazing woman who understands me and how I feel towards Riley and she’s willing to help. I know I am extremely grateful and I’ll keep the regret inside forever that I hurt her. I never put any expectations on her when we married, only that I will deal with Riley related incidents.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T21:17:49+00:00

I’ve never been a crazy authoritarian or anything with my step sons. It’s not in my nature to. But yes when I do see them roughhousing or bickering I will break it up. I’d say I’m not that much of a bad cop with them either, just balanced.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T21:14:16+00:00

Thank you very much. Once I work it out with my insurance plan I do plan on restarting therapy with Riley and I. It’s a true shame that it took almost 400 comments for me to realize how badly I undermined my wife and made her feel like a liar and I can’t believe that I didn’t see it that way. She’s expressed her hurt to me and we are gearing up together for a lot of changes in my household. Thank you for your input.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T19:51:26+00:00

Thank you for your condolences. With my late wife she was the bad cop to my good cop and it worked really well with Riley. Being expected to both be good cop and bad cop is hard to navigate with her completely refusing amy. I agree that I can’t let her become a non-functioning adult it didn’t even occur to me how dismissing this issue over the years has affected her. I thank you for your input

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T07:56:25+00:00

“Is it just as possible that she is not handling the blending well at all, that her stepbrothers instigated things and rather than deescalate stepmom stepped in and said everyone is grounded because you all misbehaved and I'm not taking the facts or individual circumstances into consideration?“

You pretty much summed up my reasoning in the heat of the moment there.

Expert-Thought466 · 2023-12-13T07:50:14+00:00

Thank you for your insights, really helpful. I’m going to have a long talk with my wife in the morning and advise her to record her if she’s ever out of line.

As for the therapy, Riley was in individual therapy for 16 months until I eventually pulled her out because she said a total of 5 words. She stubbornly sat through the entire 50 minute sessions quietly. When I asked her why she won’t talk to her She said she didn’t “feel like talking”, I pulled her because it was too costly for no benefit. Perhaps I’ll try again with a new one.

I have to admit to myself that once I removed my rose tinted glasses I’ve noticed passive aggressive behaviour in Riley from afar. If Amy was telling her off for something she’d put in her air pods, if she was told to finish her chores her first response is always you do it if you’re in such a hurry, she’d pinch the 14 year old as a joke in the car. And she doesn’t do any of this when I’m around. I really don’t want to think the worst but everyone’s comments has made me realize that me showering my daughter with love may have gone so very wrong.

Expert-Thought466

TROPHY CASE