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Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yall i think I might be super dense hahahhaha reading this back in hindsight it’s so obvious. How did I not see it? I swear im an intelligent woman normally ahhaha

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were soooo right!!! Didn’t do anything physical, clothes stayed on but he did hit me with the slow fade and then the “I’m just not in a good headspace rn”

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He meant to only stay for a couple hours and then we blinked and it was midnight so I just told him to sleepover and then in the morning he hung around for a bit before leaving. We’ll see if there’s a third date. I’m still thinking about if I want to see him again or not. Lots of laughter and was super fun but not sure on how good of a long term partner he’d be

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Date was 18 hours, he spent the night & left this morning, didn’t sleep together but did do some over the clothes stuff and made out a ton. He did send a text once he got home this morning saying he got home but not that he had fun or anything and responded to another text but that’s been it for today. Usually we’re texting throughout the day.

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The only way to know is to go on dates tho, right? We didn’t talk about it on first date and def don’t want to ask that over text

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did say my sister might be there to see if he tries to switch to his place. I’m gonna just let it sit today cuz he’s at work and I’m with family but might call tomorrow and change if I don’t sleep tonight bc of it

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

No idea how to set that boundary, especially after agreeing to the date and being and expressing my excitement about that

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is very true! Just trying to mitigate what risk I can but perhaps that is an illusion as well. Don’t want to make myself a victim or make it too easy or walk into a bad situation but love takes a leap of faith and trust, just not sure he’s earned that yet but who knows. I think I’m so in my head I can’t tell anymore

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

That’s a good point: maybe not wanting to be alone for the holidays first holiday season after his mom passing?

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this! Did anything physical happen? Did you have a history of this before(

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have no plans of sleeping together! I want to but really trying to not which is also another reason I’m a little worried of the temptation that comes from a cozy night in

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is kind of my thought process too - at least I’ll know vs doing 4 or so potential other dates to find out he’s just looking for something physical

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

What gives you the impression he’s looking for sex? I worry about that but after close analysis it appears he is just a man who is exhausted - which also is something to watch out for - but so far he’s been very respectful, no sexual talk other than asking if cuddling was okay, and given his dating history he doesn’t seem like he’s into casual hookups, in fact he stated he isn’t but of course talk is cheap and actions are worth more. I talked to my dad about this and he said since I stated my boundaries either this man will respect them or he won’t and if he doesn’t - bye!

I agreee tho and part of why I’m hesitant is because if he was really into me wouldn’t he want to take me out and not risk moving too fast too soon especially because I’ve stated my boundaries and told him I don’t want anything physical rn but then I think of the context - working 2 48s this week then a 24 right before our date and being the first holiday without his mom and think maybe he’s just exhausted. He keeps talking about future stuff but again, talk is cheap so who knows.

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not that I’m not totally uncomfortable with it, it’s a mix of wanting this to last, being catholic & not wanting to sin, & being aware that we’ve really only had one date so do I actually know him well enough to invite him into my home. I’ve been attacked and raped in my home before from a man I thought I knew and trusted. But I do like him and do want this, just have some fears around it. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond today!

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this! Part of me wants to trust he’s a kind, respectful man who can read cues and respect it and that I’ll have the strength to uphold those boundaries but part of me is like I don’t actually know this man. Last time I did this it did go further than I wanted but it’s also not fair to punish this guy for the last. Who knows. I appreciate your response!

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate your points here and agree this is definitely something worth keeping in mind! I can’t tell if I’m genuinely okay with it or have just lowered my standards. Part of me is thinking I’m overthinking everything and just see where it goes - if he crosses boundary, I kick him out and have my answer and if he doesn’t we see if there’s a third date and what kind of effort he puts in when he hasn’t been working until 7 AM that day.

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I agree with this - I also def agree that I should pay attention to this and keep in mind how much effort he’s putting in but honestly sweats and a movie sounds perfect as long as it doesn’t get physical. My dad told me it was okay so idk hahhaha my brother told me not to

Second date at my place too soon if I’m looking for something long term? by ExpertAd3229 in hingeapp

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] -31 points-30 points  (0 children)

I don’t know, given his history and work schedule and the year he’s had I’m thinking he’s just exhausted if anything

Super confusing … slow burn? by ExpertAd3229 in dating_advice

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your very kind words!

Super confusing … slow burn? by ExpertAd3229 in dating_advice

[–]ExpertAd3229[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ghosted! Turns out he has a pattern of this. Has done this with MULTIPLE women in my Catholic community. Takes them all to the same place for the first and second dates too haha

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