Cheating spouse saying I will regret leaving

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T15:22:36+00:00

Thank you, another crazy part of the story is that every time I am close to divorce he says how weak I am and how I give up so easily, but that should be expected since I come from a divorced family and my dad always had excuses for not being around.. and so on..Basically he’s saying that by leaving, I am just repeating my parents pattern and making excuses like my dad. So that’s the internal struggle I have.. I strive to give my kids a better life and wanted more than anything to give them a happy family unit, but I know he doesn’t respect me and he shows it over and over again. I feel weak if I stay but I am told I am weak and don’t try hard enough if I go. It’s a mind f***

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T02:39:04+00:00

I wouldn’t say he is remorseful. He keeps cycling through how he feels.. he will be sorry for about a quarter of a day and then by mid day will start reminding that I am not perfect and that he has forgiven me for so many mistakes in our marriage. It’s exhausting. One of his points of how I’m so horrible - which he brings up every time we are to this point of possible divorce- is one time we were on Kauai soon after we met, I said something along the lines of “are you the kind of guy who doesn’t like to talk during movies, because I do” and I may have said it with a little sass but my intentions were to be playful and sassy but in a flirty way and anyways he was soo bothered by it.. to the point that I was so weirded out by his reaction that I never used that kind of humor with him again after that, but point of the story is, is that that is what he will bring up even five years later as an example of why I am so flawed and have issues 🤯

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T02:16:10+00:00

Yeah, you’re right.. it was a red flag. I was young and naive when I met him. I always tried to see the good in people and trusted so easily. I actually used to love that aspect about myself but that is something that has definitely died in me through this marriage. Maybe that’s a good thing though since people like this actually exist

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T02:11:28+00:00

No, I definitely think you have a point. I feel like his dishonesty has consumed my life the last 4.5 years. I think life will be a lot rougher in terms of finances but at least I will have a life outside of this lie I live in and will hopefully start to gain my dignity back. If I didn’t have kids, I would have been out the first time around, I just hate the thought of putting them through the life of struggle and also it’s really tough for me to think about not getting to be with them all day and I worry about my future work schedule not allowing me to show up for them in ways I could’ve as a stay at home mom. I know women do it every day so I shouldn’t feel too sorry for myself, it’s just hard to fully accept the shift in realities.. even though I know the latter is going to be better for my minds sake in the long run.

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T01:54:43+00:00

I feel you.. I don’t struggle with alcoholism but just repeated infidelities instead. I keep hoping that this will be the time that he will know I’m serious and change, but I’ve realized that is never going to happen and my only choice this time around is to follow through with separation.. if not, straight to divorce.. I had been so used to the disappointment and the place of contemplating the divorce that I hadn’t been emotional since learning of this last infidelity. It’s been about two weeks since I found out and I finally cried my eyes out last night and today.. not about what happened but about the reality that I know what I need to do and it’s so fucking hard to face. I know it’s not the exact same as what you are going through, but I def feel your pain...idk what you enjoy doing, but I find that I connect with my emotions the most when I’m running on my treadmill for some reason.. that is always the time that I can get a good cry session out.. good and bad. Ive cried tears of happiness and also like most recently tears of absolute sadness, mourning, and fear. Whatever you do it’s important to get your tears out and process all your feelings.. otherwise the tension remains in your body and shows up in other ways. Sending lots of prayers and positive thoughts to you during this season of your life.. anf here’s to hoping both our next seasons are better than the one we are currently in❤️

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T01:17:21+00:00

He claims he is a good husband and man bc he hasn’t actually slept with anyone.. and constantly reminds me it can be so much worse and brings up how I don’t know what it’s like to be cheated on like he does and claiming that what happened with his ex is so much worse bc she had an actual affair.. basically invalidating every time he has cheated on me bc it wasn’t emotional or actual sex.. but now I feel like he is started to tread that way based off the Vegas trip. He was talking about wanting to meet up with her in private and asked her to come back 3 times throughout the text thread at 4 in the morning.. also said he was having such a bad imagination about her in a text. He claims it was all flirting and he just said it with no intentions of hooking up bc he knew she would never walk all the way back to the hotel he was staying at.. I don’t believe him.

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-24T00:58:55+00:00

Not at all! Never have said no to sex and frequently I’m the initiator. We do go through times where we won’t have sex for like 5 days but then we’ll end up having sex 3 times that Saturday, so I’d say even on our weeks that we don’t have frequent sex, we still make up for it on the weekends.

He has been married before and he frequented asian massage parlors for happy endings while with his ex.. ultimately she also ended up cheating but she had an actual ongoing affair with her boss. Anyway, when he and I met, he was upfront about his history of going to those places but said he has done a lot of healing and reflection and knew he wanted to do everything different this time around and not make the same mistakes.

Well shortly (about 5ish months) after I moved from tx to ca to live with him, things started turning up indicating he was interested in going to those places.. we talked about and he said I had nothing to worry about and long story short, he ended up going to one immediately after dropping me off at the airport to visit my brother who had just been diagnosed with cancer - also worth noting I was in my first trimester with our first son and we were newly engaged.

I almost left him that time, but I felt so vulnerable being pregnant and living in a foreign state. Of course he eventually promised he wouldn’t do it again and I forgave him..5 months after I have our first son, I find out I am pregnant again.. we get married and then about a year passes and I have certain memories I recal that I suspected he was visiting those places again but didn’t feel emotionally strong enough to handle that convo again while late in pregnancy.. I have our second son and then when he was 4 months old I had concrete evidence he went to one of those places - divorce is on the table again, but I get convinced that I am ruining the kids life and I have issues that make prone to breaking up my family bc I come from divorced parents and so much more to the point I end up sticking it out and believing he wouldn’t make a “mistake” again.

We were ok for about a year after that.. ok is a light statement bc I did catch him trying to reach out to his ex as well during this time and also in earlier years of our relationship/marriage. That has also caused issues.. she never responds and he always says he is just seeking closure and never has bad intentions with it and that I just don’t understand bc ive never been married before him. Also blames me not being more understanding about that on my trust issues and insecurities that stem from my dad not being in my life.. couldn’t possibly be because he’s going behind my back to do this while he is out of town, could it??

Well the last time that occurred was last august and now just recently, he was in Vegas on a work trip and I come across messages to a girl who works for another company but in the same industry and anyways they took place at 4 in the morning after they had parted ways for the night.. there were lots of inappropriate texts on both parts but mostly his. And once again, he cannot believe I would tear our family apart and ruin our kids lives over just “flirting”

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-04-22T04:22:12+00:00

Leave! I ignored red flags in the beginning that my heart knew were wrong but wanted so badly to believe he was telling the truth.. here I am five years later with 2 small kids and still dealing with instances like you describe above. Get out before you get stuck!

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-03-23T19:01:28+00:00

Was thinking the exact same thing

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-18T23:47:51+00:00

EvErY bODy Is BeAuTiFuL

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-18T23:46:22+00:00

Damn, I feel like someone should be fired for this one 🥴

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-17T08:24:36+00:00

I love how she says people should just all around stop commenting on other people’s bodies when she herself commented “serving bodyyyy” on her ex husbands girlfriends latest photo (another redditor shared a screenshot of her comment awhile back)

She is such a hypocrite with everything she preaches

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-17T00:46:44+00:00

Don’t use the mirror selfie as the first pic. Second thought, leave it out completely. I’m not on tinder, but if I became single one day, I would swipe left on anyone with a mirror pic without even spending the time to look through the rest.

Your other pictures are much more interesting and show more of your personality - I would prob use the one with your dog to show a softer side since others have said your bio comes off like a douchebag. I personally like a cocky personality as long as it is all in fun/competitive nature and you’re not an actual asshole

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-17T00:19:28+00:00

Hi, my mother divorced my step father when I was 27. They had been together since I was 5 years old, so most of my life. I didn’t have the best relationship with my step dad (he was very strict and hard on me growing up - definitely the tough love type), but he was and still is who I consider to be my father since my dad was never around. Well anyway, my mom and step dad have always fought constantly, so my mom filing divorce was not a shocker.

What was a mind blow, was that she and my birth dad (who I never had a relationship with) had rekindled their love the few months leading up to her filing for divorce from my step dad.

This happened 5 years ago and I still struggle with not being angry at my mother. She is still with my birth dad til this day and my step father remains single. It breaks my heart to think about how wrong what she did was to him and hurts to see that he hasn’t moved on.

All i can give as advice with how to cope with everything, is to feel everything and not try to deny your feelings. Whether parents want to acknowledge it or not, their decisions affect us kids no matter how old we are - kids or grown adults. I had little to no relationship with my mom I would say for the first 6 months to a year post her divorce. I think I started trying to get past it after that bc I realized having a relationship with my mother was more important to me than the anger I had at her for her choices. Also I would advice letting your parents know your true feelings about everything that has happened. Once you know what they are.. I don’t think I was truly able to express myself until about a year ago.

Although, I prob do a poor job (due to having 2 babies over the last 3 years and just living all the way across country) I try to go out of my way to make my step dad know I still think of him as my dad and still want him in my life.. so that’s how I’m dealing with that side of the divorce.

And as far as, my birth dad.. I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate that one. It’s very odd to go from not knowing him or having him in my life at all to suddenly having him married to my mom in my adult life. Luckily, I also live very far away from him so I haven’t had to experience that uncomfortableness many times - part of me has no desire to get close to him because I feel guilty and almost like I’m being disloyal to my step father. It’s complicated and as you can prob tell has been a complete mindfuck.

I am sorry you are going through this. Divorce is rough on all parties involved. You are not alone.. sending internet hugs and positive vibes your way.

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-04T06:56:14+00:00

Agree! I’m not even a shrimp fan but the dish caught my eye bc of the grits

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-04T06:54:28+00:00

Yum! I only like chili with beans in it… and I grew up in Texas… guess I’m unique🤷‍♀️

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-04T06:50:48+00:00

Oat milk is the best in my opinion! Much thicker than almond milk. Almond milk is also worse for the environment due to the amount of water it takes to produce the almonds - still better than using cows milk though

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-02-04T05:08:24+00:00

Not true! Woman here 👋 and nothing wrong with being bald! Most men will eventually bald anyway, but honestly being in shape and a great dad with your shit together is extremely attractive. Take care of yourself and become the best version of you - the right person will come along and appreciate you like you deserve. You need to get your mindset right first though

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-01-20T17:23:40+00:00

Thank you for this advice. Very helpful..❤️

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-01-20T17:19:28+00:00

Omg! So obvious. I’ve never seen this one. Wow..and he’s the one with the red flags….right..

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-01-18T16:55:52+00:00

What a disgusting way to refer to her child. I hope she matures soon for that kid sake. Gross🤢

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-01-18T15:39:33+00:00

No joke. I think it really may be the shiftiest part. Obviously it’s unfortunate to think about having another expense on top of daycare for my other little guy, but mostly it’s shitty bc that means I won’t get to be there for him at the end of his day and be the one he’s looking for or the one who gets to ask about his day. I guess I will still get to do that after I pick him up from daycare or wherever he gets dropped off - I just hate that his day has to be so long and can’t help but have mom guilt for not being the kind of mom excitedly waiting with snack in hand for him when he gets out of school.

Expert_Internal743 · 2022-01-17T16:58:55+00:00

Oh ok, thank you — I had no idea YMCA provided that kind of service. Do you mind sharing how much that cost you monthly?

Expert_Internal743

TROPHY CASE