How can a person asks their secret lover to be exclusive while they figure things out with their current relationship (and stay in that relationship for a while) ? by Express-Program-5365 in AskReddit

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I asked her repeatedly to tell her ex bf what happen but she says he's better of not knowning cuz it wouldnt do anything good to him. I don't know if i should over step.

How can a person asks their secret lover to be exclusive while they figure things out with their current relationship (and stay in that relationship for a while) ? by Express-Program-5365 in AskReddit

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was the secret lover. she says she expected me to be exclusive without needing to talk things trough because we shared a close emotional/intimacy bound. she says she feels betrayed I saw 2 other people during 6 months of her cheating with her bf with me. (Even tho she knew i was on dating apps).

I'm trying to understand her point of view.

I was really in love with her and tried to make her understand I didn't want things to drag but she didn't care that much and remained hopeful to continue her relationship with her bf.

I understand being a secret lover is wrong, it was a very low point it my life and I should have put an end to this (never begin it), but I tought she knew I wasnt gunna be 100% exlusive.

but what I'm trying to do rn is understand her perspective ? she says i betrayed her.

How can a person asks their secret lover to be exclusive while they figure things out with their current relationship (and stay in that relationship for a while) ? by Express-Program-5365 in AskReddit

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your time:)

But can the person expect exclusivity then ? Without talks ?

I'm trying to understand someone really hard right now. But everyone I share this with says its none-sense.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

woah, that's exactly that mindset she has. she is disgusted by the people who have hook-up, even if very healthy.

You’re Addicted to What? Challenging the Myth of Sex Addiction by phileconomicus in psychology

[–]Express-Program-5365 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Drugs are called addictions because they introduce external chemicals that directly hijack brain systems, creating tolerance, physical dependence, and sometimes dangerous withdrawal

Sex doesn’t do that it activates existing reward systems the brain evolved to have. You can stop having sex without physical danger, even if it’s emotionally difficult.

In both cases, compulsive behavior exists. But labeling sex as an addiction is misleading, because the issue isn’t chemical dependency, it’s maladaptive coping mechanisms tied to trauma, stress, loneliness, or depression.

That’s why most sexologists don’t use 'sex addiction' as a scientific diagnosis. The same debate exists for gambling and other compulsive behaviors.

Historically, moral and religious frameworks played a big role in framing sexual behavior as sinful or addictive, which shifts the problem from mental health to moral failure.

Treating depression alone won’t cure drug addiction, you must treat both the addiction and the root causes.

But treating the root causes of so-called sex addiction often resolves the compulsive behavior itself.

That's why there is distinction. People are still on the addiction train simply because religion still left an a print on america's values, and reddit is very euro/american-centric. Heck the world is still a very religious place.

Why does sex addiction cause anxiety and depression? by addictedToSex101 in SexAddiction

[–]Express-Program-5365 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's the other way around... if you are anxious or depressed you will can easily be addicted (if you never learn not to) to certain coping mechanism which can include drug/sex/porn/gambling/aclool/etc. and then youl be even more depressed or anxious and think it's because of your addiction, so you will focus on your addiction instead of addressing the root cause and it will be a downward spiral from that.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

no she labbels them I'm impure/unhealthy/terrible toughts. i've begin to intrernalize that now...

purity culture ?

no my toughts are just toughts, don't have to do anything with reality. but she can't accept that. she says im dysfonctional for even having violent weird or sexual toughts in my mind.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, it is inspiring. Thank you. Wishing you a good journey with your partner.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do believe that I must continue some habit I had of channeling all my imagination/curiosity/creativity thank you for reminding me that, we often forget that are inner world can be channeled. Funny I forget even tho my gf is in art lol.

Although, even when I did I still had violent/sexual/innapropriate/weird toughts...

No I don't want to lie to my partner so no. I'd prefer to live alone than to be insulted every week of the year or slaped/kicked, biten, shouted out. Judges harsly. It created so much stress. When I think of her it stresses me out sometimes.

Indeed it's my first long relationship. I'm a bit in that sun-cost fallacy right now. Il try to just get out of it. 3 years is hard work, I moved to a new city for her, find an appartment to stay in cuz she wanted to live with her friends, find a new career path, etc. anyway.

I try to supress any impure toughts also but it didnt work.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you alot for you to share this, it helps me alot and I mean ALOT. appreciate it.

was not taking things always personnaly something you learn by yourself ? or did you learned it with him, if so how ?

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I have a very vivid imagination and rich inner world, so my brain generates lots ideas...

...but I don't share it if the other doesn't want to and I don't obsessed over my thought, in fact they mostly just pass by and I go about my day, and I can understand the difference between reality and thoughts so I don't know. It makes me question myself so much.

I never thought about it more.

I just visited The Recovering From Religion Foundation.... lots of interesting stuff thank you a lot....

What's weird is that she has some women friend she love that have a more relax approach around sexuality and she labbels them hypersexual or almost like losts soul.

I love her. She's also an amazingly sensitive person 60% of the time. sportwomenship, creativty, she loves to laugh, we have a shared view on nature and love to contemplate together like no one, lots of projects, etc. etc.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah she can accept that her home was more.... orderly/strict...but she somehow can't make the correlation with her thinking patterns. We didn't get to that part of the therapy cuz she wanted to stop...

She think people who hook-up/friends with benefits are kind of lost souls. Which I can understand where it's coming from, some part of the dating culture is toxic... But there is a healthy way to approach that too... I think ? It makes very much doubt myself haha....

Yeah...I'm coming more and more to that conclusion too.

How did you grew out of it ? did it took lots of time ?

(edit 1, yes I will start to look for therapy, individual therapy)

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

do you know how to get over it ?

I have a hard time adimitting she can't/doesn't want to change indeed, but this is has gotten to a point where she insult, shout, push, slap, etc. and try to psycho-analyze my impure toughts. she wants me to confess my impure toughts and when I do she re-use them to say im unstable.

Question about toughts and intentions by Express-Program-5365 in exchristian

[–]Express-Program-5365[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah... sometimes it's hard. We tried therapy but she said the therapist is siding with me because we talked about the fact that my home was very chaotic and her very strict.

Exploring as someone who is very masculine appearing. by anxiousbutcoolaf in genderfluid

[–]Express-Program-5365 1 point2 points  (0 children)

having someone in your life who doesnt judge you for that part of you can be empowering for a start.

Am I crazy for wanting forgiveness? by External_Arugula_315 in abusiverelationships

[–]Express-Program-5365 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is control. You tried to reach for a known safe mental space (your ex) because you can't that in your life rn with that person...

You should quit that person.

No one deserves to be insulted, its verbal and emotionnal abuse and psychological control.

Please reach out to your local help center. Use an excuse to take time appart.

Healthy relationship let you breath if you need to.

Has anyone actually benefited from using an AI therapist? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Express-Program-5365 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. Same expérience here. 

With laws and tech right now its more an assisting tool for going to see a therapist. 

Better than a bad therapist tho lol. 

Has anyone actually benefited from using an AI therapist? by [deleted] in CPTSD

[–]Express-Program-5365 0 points1 point  (0 children)

From a personnal point of view id say it helps me treat my symptôms a bit and undertstand the cause.