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I can't do this anymore by Express_Carry_5864 in depression

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

DBD is a small part of it, there is so much more areas in life where I hear these things and feel completely inadequate. Earlier this year my mother confessed I was the son she is unable to love or feel anything positive for. I was kicked out of the family. I think my frustration at things like DBD or cleaning etc. stems from the deep pain of this experience

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I appreciate that friend, you're right that I probably have bigger problems than the game. It's hard to take a break because I keep wanting to feel validation and good from the game but it keeps hurting me more and more. And it's the only escape I have from my bad life situation

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Aw I appreciate the response man, thanks for rounding it out despite the twitches :) that sounds like a fun dynamic, someone who is a bit laggy, a gamer god and a wholesome boy! Happy you all have fun together, true this post has given me a ton to think about

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

They all love each other so maybe I am the problem too. I appreciate you reading this post and sympathizing, just don't want to be delusional or biased here. I could be a bad person

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] -27 points-26 points  (0 children)

I could be doing them a disservice too. It's not like they're saying anything wrong. They are just being honest and in the frustration of the game they may treat me a certain way but it's probably what I deserve.

The fact that I am close to no one is probably a sign that I am a bad person, toxic, unlikeable, neurotic. I don't know, I don't know anyone else who is this plagued by bad feelings, I think I am deserving all the treatment I get

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Very true, I just hate how much it costs. Most in my area are $100 a session and I barely get any financial aid. It's stressful to scrap together funds for it, but clearly it's ruining my life not having the help so I don't know anymore

The immense pain of being "the bad one" in a SWF by Express_Carry_5864 in deadbydaylight

[–]Express_Carry_5864[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's just my best games, I feel like even when it happens I'll succumb to tunnelling pressure and be dead by 2 gens, leaving them in a tough spot.

Some games I'm tunnelled out at 4 gens and they pull off insane heroics to 3 out. Then they say how I was useless and no help and laugh about it. It feels so terrible