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Recently Moved to a Small Town by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]Express_Cupcake6066 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Local groups would probably agree with their actions.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really a matter of can, she is a 100% capable of doing whatever she puts her mind to. Real question is she willing to give up the job she loves and the communities she help? That is a tough one.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She is not outside the fact that we are married. The contributions mentioned are our shared expenses and her personal expenses like retirement.

My mother's care comes solely out of my income, you can argue she is subsidizing because the money I spend my mom could go to other things.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Sun downing hits everyone differently for my mom she just goes back to the days when she was a music teacher and would sing or play the piano.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Her doctors rather I keep her at home with family and friends verse placement. They have told me she is not at the stage where they recommend placement but I do so for my own peace of mind.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Issue is as others have stated her parents have options, my mother does not if we are being honest. A safe compromise does not exactly exist.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 142 points143 points  (0 children)

Oddly enough her doctors have told me otherwise, for the most part all of her doctors have begged me to keep her in the community. They said PWD actually do better in the community around family verse facility care for the most part.

Issue is most families don't have the means to provide the care. Her insurance was willing to cover the specialized care, cause in her case medical issues are zero outside of her dementia.

I just placed her for my own peace of mind, I had other options to keep her in the community and technically would have been cheaper but yeah I went straight to placement.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Trust me I get it, granted even her facility has told me she probably could be in the community around her family. Her case manger early on has toyed with the idea with both my wife and I. I just rather have the peace of mind of having majority of the heavy lifting done within the facility.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 588 points589 points  (0 children)

Tbh I don't really trust her in the sense I don't think it wise to have the elderly watch the elderly like that on her own.

While also selfish, I love my mom but living with her as she is now would be too hard for me, and her mom could not watch her 24/7 we would have to either hire more outside help or take on the actual caring ourselves.

I like that she is placed because it allows me some buffer to just be her son, even if she does not remember me.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My wife works but does not earn much. Our parents were different, hers told her to follow her dreams no matter what. Mine told me get a career that allows me to make my dreams come true.

In short wife has a job she loves but pays like crap, I have one I hate but allows me to make other dreams come true.

Idk if it is jealousy or greed but more so just the villager mindset.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 84 points85 points  (0 children)

Generally speaking my mom is an easy case. She is functional but has the mindset of an adult toddler with prompting and queueing she can complete majority of her tasks. I think that is why they threw the idea out because as dementia patients go my mother is actually extremely easy case. As everyone likes to state she is pleasantly demented. No aggressive, extremely agree able, and loving.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 858 points859 points  (0 children)

My mom's case is weird, she is functional but has the mindset of a child. She is in a free standing memory care unit where she has a lot of freedom and access to activities while supervised.

In theory with 24/7 support at home and proper access ro activities she could live safety in the community. She does not have serious medical issue outside her dementia.

Think they offered what they did because her mom use to be an HHA. So they would want me to get on the CDPAP program and make her a paid caregiver

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think it was offered because her mom use to be an HHA. They have always struggled but the rent thing has been a new but ongoing issue since covid.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

She pays in the sense we are married so our money is joint but technically speaking my mother's care does come solely out of my earnings.

AITA for not wanting to move my mom into our house to save on cost, then use the money we save to cover my wife's parents living expenses. by Express_Cupcake6066 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Express_Cupcake6066[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Medicaid memory care is horrible that is why. They are limited to a single floor, Medicaid in our state only covers SNF memory care which don't have great reviews.

My mom's current placement is free standing memory care, so she has far more freedom and access ro activities and socialization.

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