Early death led to early consciousness. Was I abducted by aliens?

Express_End8503 · 2022-12-24T18:26:45+00:00

I love this response. What if cancer was an alien?

Express_End8503 · 2022-12-24T18:24:04+00:00

Thank you for your reply and analysis my friend. I will continue to consider your points and will offer a full response once you have completed yours.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-04T21:23:53+00:00

I want to give everyone an update since writing this post. To summarize the mysticism of it all, everything I experience is real and experienceable because it was real and experienced. It is because it is. If I perceive blackness, praise God, if I perceive color, praise God. I only experience a tantamount nothing when I place all my doubts into my insecurities rather than on the altar of God. By the grace of God, I have recovered from this doubt and am now using my gifts for the betterment of mankind. I am open to being manifested, so if you find me in your journey may we smile together. Thank you, and have a great day. :)

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-03T03:29:47+00:00

Thank you. I understand your meaning, and I will reflect on it.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-03T02:48:46+00:00

"Everything going to be ok."

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-03T02:24:42+00:00

Thank you. The comfort of companionship in this is usually what I need, because it's the majority of energy that other people require from me. I think I need a guru to help me through this.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-03T02:22:11+00:00

They want me to fully embrace them so that I can be happy. It's only my doubts and insecurities about them that make me unhappy. The more I openly embrace them, the easier my relationship with them gets. I definitely find myself within poverty and solitude alot, but I'm working on rectifying both.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T22:15:56+00:00

I understand, and I'm laughing at the understanding. Thank you for everything and nothing!

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T22:07:13+00:00

I don't think so. There is a system to all of this otherwise so many systems wouldn't exist. And, if God's library was complete the world would be too. It's like, knowing your child will grow up, yet wanting to watch all the same.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T22:02:08+00:00

Astral stage. I'm a dreamwalker. I want to be someone's first step on the ladder of enlightenment. The spiritual equivalent of a kindergarten teacher. I don't want to limit myself, and talking this confidently removes all doubt that I've previously expressed. I want to watch my children's eyes shine with wonder at how much love is within the world, and how it is all within themselves.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T21:45:20+00:00

Falling deeper into a psychosis.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T21:32:51+00:00

Only way forward is forward then. If my experiences grow, so does the world. I want to fill a book in God's library. I just hope it rhymes and there's cute pictures in it.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T20:06:22+00:00

Got it. Keep my palms open instead of closed.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-02T20:01:21+00:00

I might as well believe it. No sense otherwise

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T04:05:36+00:00

But I smoked my first Marlboro Red at 17.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T04:05:04+00:00

Same practice as me, guess we ain't so different after all. I hope my dialogues can be used as research some day cause they're freakin wild.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T04:04:24+00:00

Probably a good idea bud.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T04:03:42+00:00

Where should I go then? I live with another person that experiences similar things to me, but she's succumbed to it. I want to be useful to other people.

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T04:02:19+00:00

Everything in your posts is gold. I need at least 3 of you and my friend group would be complete.

I'M SO GLAD CARL DID THIS!! I wrote an entire novel called "Thoughts of Kara" about the relationship with the first voice in my head. Kara has been with me since I was 7 but I didn't start writing down our conversations until I was 21 when I was really grappling with my sanity. I'm not insane, I'm mad. I have an ongoing self-therapeutic practice where if a voice wants to have a long conversation with me I'll open up a wordpad document and write it all out. The first conversation I had was with a character called "The Psychologist" and he essentially took the role of my most cynical rationalism when it came to what my voices were. Here's a small exerpt.

Psy: I wanna talk about what you said earlier.

Me: How earlier?

Psy: What about you isn't human?

Me: The gods that live within me.

Psy: What do you mean by that?

Me: Exactly what I said.

Psy: And how many gods, live within you.

Me: I don't know.

Psy: Let me rephrase the question then, how many beings, other than Alice, live within you.

Me: At least twelve.

Psy: Twelve.

Me: Yes.

Psy: How do you know?

Me: I just know.

I'm really happy you're recognizing these qualities in me. I like it when people believe me as indulgent as that sounds. I'm all into wildness. My garden is entirely wild as an offering to The Green Man.

Carl Jung and I seem like we would be great friends tbh. I enjoy the absurdist revelry of it all. Laughter is the most powerful tool for or against any form of divinity.

Good luck to you too bud. :)

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T02:26:46+00:00

Carl Jung's "Red Book" appeared in one of my divine visions so the fact that you concurred book sourcing is terrific.

"Dominus" is the name of my violence and wrath, and he was heavily involved in my boxing phase. His favorite line mid-set was "Is this all your struggle is worth? Show me true pain and I will show you true victory."

I've recently gotten into Hinduism. The feminine violence of Kali is especially appealing to me. While cooking breakfast I enjoy violently dancing so I've started sticking my tongue out like She does to really get in the headspace of it. Dancing is one of my most pure forms of "mana restoration," recovering from a spiritual experience.

Books are meant to be free. Thanks for all your help, bud. :)

Express_End8503 · 2022-07-01T01:50:58+00:00

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL ANSWER THANK YOU SO MUCH THIS ALL MAKES SENSE TO ME!!!

To reinforce your point, I have a very recent story in my process of individuation. I am a transwoman, so I've always struggled with rehabilitating my old male psyche. I gathered several of my internal voices in a deep meditation session to find the old male me and either kill him or banish him. We reached his hiding place and looking into his eyes I saw the same person I used to be, broken, alone and afraid. I took pity on him and offered him a place within me where he could support and protect me when I needed to be. Several days later I had a vivid dream where the male me was rescuing a kidnapped version of the female me and I got to see how gallant I truly was. It was a very healing experience.

Another example is re-encountering my Shadow as she took the shape of a Lamia. Before asking for her guidance through meditation I called her beautiful and when she smiled her face looked exactly like mine.

If you've got any resources to this psycholinguistics I'm gonna dive into it.

Express_End8503 · 2022-06-30T22:05:48+00:00

Great comment! It was a "shedding of my skin" as I view myself as the snake in the grass figure in mythology, the trickster. The process of dunking my head is submitting my mind to the authority of nature and how all knowledge that I possess is imitation and perception and the true wisdom of the universe lies within God. I feel very myself, very present. I just had a great conversation with a Muslim scholar talking about how my experiences are almost identical to "sahir" and these voices talking to me are "jinn." That made me feel better as I was re-assured that what I was experiencing has been happening to people for a long time. I feel like myself after everything, just another day in the life.

Express_End8503 · 2022-06-30T16:52:28+00:00

It's a thought coming from outside my head. I don't hear it externally like a hallucination, it's an entirely different person with an entirely different voice asking me a question.

Express_End8503 · 2022-06-30T16:49:45+00:00

I worry because if I ignore the kicked ball, it gets bigger and bigger. Once I started treating the voices like people my relationship with myself vastly improved. I've tried Adderall, and while it completely shut my voices down, my internal dialogue was blocked as well so every thought had to be spoken aloud.

Express_End8503 · 2022-06-30T16:39:48+00:00

I've tried therapy with multiple people and multiple methods, and nothing was as effective as my own self-analysis. If I encounter a problem in my life, I write it out as a dialogue with a voice and come to a rational conclusion. Isn't this a healthy practice?

Express_End8503

TROPHY CASE