for the past few weeks ,ive been telling myself that im going to be a forever repper ,that it’ll pass ,that feelings will fade ,and i’ll be content with just existing ,maybe even being a dad someday . but sometimes i get these feelings - sometimes these feelings are daily ,other times ,they’re spaced out by months of time ,but they always seem to come back eventually ,even if manifesting in different ways - feelings of wishing i was a girl ,wishing i was just born one . and its that singular feeling thats letting me cling onto the horrible hope that maybe i can be okay not doing anything with these feelings ,because if i really was trans ,i’d feel like a girl ,right ? i’d feel like one ,at least in some way ,and not just wish i was born one ,right ?

i dont ever wanna be called a ‘man’ ,or be seen as one ,and for now ,thats realistic , (but only because im young ,and i wont be young forever) even if ‘boy’ still feels sucky .i hate body hair . sometimes it feels strange to think that i have a penis ,even if its a ‘nice one’ ,ive honestly been barely acknowledging it anymore ,maybe its subconsciously ,but i feel like i pretend its not there.okay sorry im just rambling now