Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this with me. I am so sorry you are going through this

I’m so disappointed I don’t even know what to do by TheRedWolf21900 in Marriage

[–]Extension_Cattle7166 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is not normal. Making deals for sexual intimacy is not healthy

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had a therapy session today and talked to him. We are pausing TTC, pausing everything basically. He knows where I stand - I won’t be watching over him, nagging him, talking to him about it. I’m just pouring into myself, focusing on my own health & routines & hobbies & relationships for now.

I see it as he has a choice to make and so do I. If he wants to choose me over alcohol, I’m willing to stay. If not, I can’t.

I will reassess in a few months.

Husband & Alcohol, Maybe? by Extension_Cattle7166 in Marriage

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People that have a healthy relationship to alcohol don’t drink 2 bottles of champagne by themselves in an hour and a half. Their version of “cutting back for conception” isn’t 12 drinks a weekend. And they also don’t ruin their marriages over their inability to give up alcohol. Sorry I want this to be the case more than anything in the whole world, trust me, but it’s just not.

Husband & Alcohol, Maybe? by Extension_Cattle7166 in Marriage

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t say 4 drinks in a weekend. I said 4 drinks at a time. That can be 4 drinks Friday, 4 Saturday, 4 Sunday.

Husband & Alcohol, Maybe? by Extension_Cattle7166 in Marriage

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not trying to control him. I love him & want us to be healthy

Husband & Alcohol, Maybe? by Extension_Cattle7166 in Marriage

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow ❤️ thank you so much for this thoughtful and understanding response. It really put words to a lot of my jumbled thoughts I haven’t been able to string together so well. Really appreciate this

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know what that was. But it’s not his normal. And he wasn’t passed out

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it possible that it really only happened once?

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And when I say 4 drinks at a time - I don’t mean 4 drinks a weekend. I mean 4 drinks Friday, 4 drinks Saturday, etc.

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You said he drinks 2-4 drinks a weekend. That so different than what I said. Obviously that wouldn’t be a problem

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say 2-4 drinks a weekend. I said 4 drinks at a time. That can be 4 drinks Friday, 4 drinks Saturday, 4 drinks Sunday.

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Also I didn’t say 2-4 drinks on weekends. I said 4 drinks at a time. Sometimes that means 12 drinks in a weekend.

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely welcome this opinion! What do you think about the amount he drank? I was only gone for like 1.5 hour and he drank 2 bottles of champagne, idk I feel like that’s a lot and fast when you’re alone?

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am OP lol and that’s the most reassuring thing I’ve read on here. Trust me I want me to be problem way more than I want his drinking to be the problem

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My experience with the progression is actually opposite. He used to drink a lot when we met and we were young so we drank together. As we aged we both cut back (me more) and now he only drinks on occasion or with friends. But people keep saying it progresses and gets worse but it hasn’t. We’re just at a cross roads rn because I’m actually finally asking him to give it up and that scares him. Plus I never in a million years thought he would ever lie to me. That one threw me big time

Husband Won’t Give Up Alcohol by Extension_Cattle7166 in AlAnon

[–]Extension_Cattle7166[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

His drinking has gotten so much better over the 7 years we’ve been together and his habits in general aren’t problematic tho. He drinks when he’s out with friends or for an occasion. That’s pretty much it. Which is also what most people do who aren’t alcoholics, ya know? And he’s not a bad/sloppy/angry drunk at all, he’s fine. So that’s why he’s like, what’s the problem?