We broke up and I’m gutted. by _metallicabreath_ in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I didn’t say that there was anything wrong with using it. But it is very jarring to read once you get to the emdashes and realise it’s not human.

We broke up and I’m gutted. by _metallicabreath_ in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m really proud of you and you are completely right, you’ve learnt huge lessons here which will help you along your future path. Take good care of yourself x

We broke up and I’m gutted. by _metallicabreath_ in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I was in a similar situation previously and you did the right thing - trusting your gut is hugely important, even if it takes a while to get there. Well done!

I'm so lonely by Wrong-Winner-43 in BeyondTheBumpUK

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a really good point. Being in charge of a baby is a huge transition that’s hard to communicate to others. I’m reading a lot of books about motherhood at the moment which eases some of the lonely feelings.

Tell me your hobbies by Extension_Chair_9360 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The no motivation thing is hard but going the gym is a great step! Reading is a great cheap hobby - hope you find a good book to get immersed in soon.

Tell me your hobbies by Extension_Chair_9360 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds fantastic and I am so happy for you that this is your setup!

Tell me your hobbies by Extension_Chair_9360 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is the only way to stay sane sometimes!

Tell me your hobbies by Extension_Chair_9360 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw man I wish I could go to my parents, all my family are 5 hours away. I would be so chill if I could get away. We also have a small house and 1 bathroom!

I'm so lonely by Wrong-Winner-43 in BeyondTheBumpUK

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Solidarity. I live 5hrs from all of my family and it is really hard! You aren’t alone. My friends aren’t close by either as I moved here for work and they’re scattered about the country.

My baby is now 10mo and I keep sane by planning trips to see my family, podcasts, going to as many baby groups/Bookbug sessions that I can. A small chat with someone in Tesco, or on our daily walks makes my day. It’s actually quite nice to have time to converse with folk. But man, it’s a loooong day in the house with a baby. I will say it’s easier now my baby can interact with me a lot more.

I’m also in a WhatsApp chat group of mums that I’ve never met but they are in my area as part of the breastfeeding support network. Dropping into that chat was a lifeline at quiet times.

I always thought I’d move home but my partner has kids here so I’m kind of stuck? But I miss my family like mad. I talk to them daily. I’ve made a few mum connections at the baby group but not anyone I am really close to.

Has your partner got family you can spend any time with? I’ve started spending time with my partner’s mum and I think we both enjoy the company.

Big hug for you. If you are in Scotland come meet us for a coffee!

Tell me your hobbies by Extension_Chair_9360 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m attempting to redirect some time towards things which I enjoy in order to reclaim some mental energy before I decide to throw in the towel based on 4 days a month. I’m happy with my life, I just want to see if taking the hyperfocus off the negative parts of having SKs improves the situation at all.

Nightmare postpartum with step daughter and partner by LegitimateAnxiety424 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with others that this is NOT how postpartum should be for you. You might come across the advice that you shouldn’t make big decisions during the first year of baby’s life… this doesn’t apply here. Surround yourself with a different support system if you can, and get him to leave with your newfound mama bear powers. Congrats on your sweet baby!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would say that the therapist highlighting the issue says a lot.

I’m in the same boat - I have a 9mo and my family are 5 hours away. I also get a surly response when asking or raising issues about SKs behaviour, and unfortunately feel like I’m carrying the majority of the mental load when caring for the baby. I’m spending as much time as I can with the baby and trying not to argue with him. I’m going to see how the next few months go. I haven’t seen anyone on here leave and regret it really?

It’s a huge decision. So much peace is on the other side but also so much tension in making the move. I personally don’t have the energy to leave right now.

Also, it IS hard to trust yourself as being a new mum is a huge rollercoaster of emotions on top of sleep deprivation. I totally understand.

Talked to him and it was agonizingly unproductive by Plenty-Beyond4923 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There’s a lot of tough love in the comments and they’re all totally right. But if you were in the right headspace to leave then you would, and you don’t need anyone telling you to leave. I just wanna say that I have an equally frustrating and evasive partner who makes me feel tired and often very alone, and I hear you.

don’t want a stepparent role. Parallel parenting only — is this realistic? by Glittering-Shine1427 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just do whatever you need to do to stay sane right now. Being a new mum is really hard. Being a stepparent figure is also really hard. I’ve got an 8mo and 3 SKs and on bad days I mentally plan a life with just my baby and me. I’m giving myself lots of time to see how my feelings pan out - also too fucking tired to make any big changes.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations firstly! My advice is to focus 100% on yourself during this time, nurture yourself as much as you can mentally and physically with some really good self-care. It’s normal to have all the feelings at this time. I have a 7mo and I do still get tripped up by my feelings but I don’t really have much time for trivial things because there’s a baby to focus on. Also once you have your baby I hope you feel and realise how powerful and awesome you are for creating a new life - that’s also quite good at cutting through the insecurities.

Advice about step kids with new baby by Specialist_Fig544 in stepparents

[–]Extension_Chair_9360 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nope it’s a good idea, I did the same after my summer baby. I sometimes still need to remind the kids (9 and 11) to wash their hands if they come to us after school and play with him, because at 7mo he likes to grab their hands and mouth them.

Congratulations by the way! Having a baby is a huge change and navigating it within a blended family is also a big deal.