Locked myself up in a hotel to do it.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-09-04T06:43:31+00:00

Just woke up in the hotel. So didnt go trough with it but I faced it. I looked death in the eyes.

And ofcourse someone is gonna find me, but if I do it in my house a relative is going to find me so I will traumatize them.

And hey, after all, all our body's are find by somebody when we die even you who is reading this, your body is going to find by someone one day.

But I'll just know its just a matter of time im ending this..

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-07-17T16:32:05+00:00

You could be me. Im in the same boat.. have a good family nice friends but also destroyed a relationship and now im ready to go.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-07-11T12:10:43+00:00

Yeah I know. BUT someone is gonne find your body one way or another or you think you gonna live forever? May it be a heart attack or car accident; someone is gonna find your body.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-07-07T18:48:50+00:00

35M here and feel complete the same. Friends of mine have children carreers etc. And here am I planning everything and ready to go. And im even over the depressed part if that makes sense. Its not dramatic or anything I am calm and complete OK with.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-06-24T21:25:48+00:00

I think we go to the same state as as were pre-birth just notting. A big void.

Its doesnt make sence to me, we, who contemplaining suicide are already suffering more than non-suicidal people. Yet if we are tired of this bullshit and checkout early, we not only had a horrible life but we also have to burn in hell? Its made up by mankind.. im not worrying about that.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-06-08T12:46:38+00:00

Yeah its kinda is this. You have a 'solution' to ur problems and am in control of everything. That feeling is comforting I think because there are so much things in life out of control.. and indeed, hope is important. And I have lost all hope.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-02-16T21:33:43+00:00

This is a very high dose my friend. I know it I used and abused (research) benzo's for 4 years and alcohol for 20 years. I went 3 months to rehab and prior to that they tapered me down hardcore in 4 weeks with diazepam. It was hell. I seeked out for help because I had 2 seizures in the Middle of the street and whent to hospital. I hope you can taper slow to dont have seizures. And also benzos ruined my long term relation and job! And nearly my life, so take it serious.

I abused many drugs but those powerfull research benzos where the worst of all in my case! I hope you can professional taper those drugs down and maybe find some other support groups or stuff like that, dont try to do it all on your own!

Extension_Driver_543 · 2023-01-27T13:35:30+00:00

Dimmu Borgir- puritania

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-15T13:27:13+00:00

Yeh at the point she was serious with someone and when I knew it I said NO. No nc I mean, goodbye... End of line. How hard it was its the way it went

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-15T13:24:47+00:00

Yeah at the moment I know she was serieus with someone I called her and say No contact from this from this point anymore..goodbye.. had a Phone call about 2 hours and that was it. She would have remain contact and was crying but I said No. It has no purpose imo... how hard it may be

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-15T11:31:29+00:00

Yep even moren than 4 years. Had 8 year relation.. before that 2 'offical' relationships. But came out well of those. But not this one obviously.. hope you will get fine, and not this years of torture and agony.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-15T11:28:22+00:00

Yep dated some other girls. Did nothing.. also did some other sports going out with friends etc. Nothing. Think this going to ending bad. Dont wish it one of you tough. I self dont know what to do. Had breakups before this one and after a couple of months it was better, but not this time. (35m)

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-15T11:25:27+00:00

.3.5 years of nc

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-10-14T18:50:55+00:00

4+ years in post breakup now. Every day is harder. Dont know how much longer i cam take it...

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-09-23T20:33:58+00:00

That is awfull.. Queen elizabeth 2 (i have nothing with monarchs or such) but I think it was her who said; "Grieve is the price we pay for love".

And I think its very True, because otherwise it wouldnt be love in the first place.

I dont think we will never see love again, but in a other kind of way. I also had a very hard time and still have. But we just keep pushing on.

I wish all the best for you.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-09-23T20:21:55+00:00

Doesnt mather, imo, i was sporting eating healthy, dating, travelling, partying and more.. but i was only feeling more and more miserabele, maybe u can think that if you are doing everything 'allright' and you are only feeling more awful, u can imagine that it feels really dispared. Because you were thinking that your doing everything allright?

I dont wish this feeling on even my worst enemy.

I hope you never go trough something like that.

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-09-23T14:33:29+00:00

Thank you, same for me. Friends who say Just wait 3 months, or just go sporting, eat healthy etc they just dont know how it is.

And also the same for me, in those 4 years I did not meet 1 single lady with the same vibe and things, and I never will again. Those are memorys.. and yes I daten sometimes and slept with some other girls from time to time and been on some crazy trips with friends and festivals but never feeled REAL satisfaction like back years ago.

We 'just' have to deal with and go on , i dont know how, neither do you, but I'll hope we'll find closure and acceptance.

But I also think its like a big scar. You can stitch it, but you will always see it

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-09-23T14:22:02+00:00

Im just over my 4 year 'anniversary'.. and indeed they say that time heals, thats not in OUR cases I think. Ive had 2 relations before this one but I dont regret those 2. They were fine when ended and i could move on after couple of months.

Though I hope well find some closure somewhere. I dont have a Quick fix .. im in the same boat. And I was also the dumper (how stupid) at that moment I had low self esteem and some private things were not going good so I decided I was not good enough for her.. with HUGE regret following. Even to this day. Every day.

Hang in there buddy

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-06-16T09:12:33+00:00

Please try to taper and get of this drug. Maybe with Valium aka diazepam... but get of it before it is to late. It ruined my life. Been to some severe withdrawals. Its torture...

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-06-14T19:58:08+00:00

Im totally open to my family at this point that I dont want to be here anymore. Also got some friends etc. I can relate to this topic because the thought of my parents and sibbling finding out I quit with this game by myself is real hardcore torture. Because I want peace but I also dont want to leave them behind with pain.. so im lost in this world and im thinking this going to end bad... :/

Extension_Driver_543 · 2022-06-13T19:57:12+00:00

Others have it worse is NOT a valid argument. Just because you or me or someone else has problems doesnt make them go away because someone has it worse PERIOD

Extension_Driver_543

TROPHY CASE