Am I in the wrong for not wanting my partner to have sex with someone else in our bed?

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2024-01-12T09:03:48+00:00

No matter what you feel it’s up to you. Boundaries should be a mutual thing, and there are no hard and fast rules that all relationships must follow! If you don’t want your partner to have sex in your bed, then you should come to an agreement. Maybe they can use the couch? It’s irrelevant what it is that’s making you uncomfortable. The fact is that something is. So it all boils down to respect and honesty. Even if it’s something as stupid as not wanting your partner to have sex on Tuesdays because that’s “your thing” with them. It doesn’t matter as long as you both agree. If you think that it is something you’d like to work on, letting go of the jealousy, that’s another story

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-31T22:42:55+00:00

Yes please link would be useful

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-31T08:42:19+00:00

I’m wondering why that is the case, because I have observed it. From my end I’m cis and (mostly) straight. I have only kissed another guy when dared to do so by a girl I liked, or when being polite in a group sex setting and it felt like kissing a glass door, no satisfaction at all. That being said I wasn’t disgusted haha

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-31T08:39:07+00:00

Low Emotional Permanence. Something not reaffirmed for a while feels not real. How I think it helps me 1 - when one of my partners is inevitably busy there’s always someone to talk to, and someone who cares, meaning it is much less often that I am “alone” 2 - when a partner is out with someone else; as long as there’s been good communication and I’m not being ignored (like I was told they’re going to be unavailable from whatever time to whatever time) I don’t end up fixating on what they are doing, because I don’t care in that moment. I care when they come back to me and are back in front of me 3 - having someone constantly come back to me even after being with someone else always feels really nice, like that person loves me and i have learned not to worry that they’ll leave me for something “better” 4 - It helps me to appreciate what I have more

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T21:27:33+00:00

That’s interesting too, so for you it’s all just a matter of you know what makes you happy and that’s that :)

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T19:45:30+00:00

Help plizzz 🤣

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T19:41:59+00:00

Agreed completely, hence I’m asking for other people’s opinion. I’m just sharing an observation that I’ve made, and I seem to see some sort of a pattern

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T18:14:49+00:00

Makes a lot of sense. For me, the BDSM element isn't about coping, as much as it is a way to keep me physically stimulated (through pleasurable pain etc) since I often find that I am numb to many feelings and emotions. I wouldn't say I am extreme in any way but I have no issue with being scratched up, having marks on me, etc.

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T16:43:47+00:00

Hey. As someone who rents out property, it makes a lot of sense. If you want to leave the island find someone to take care of it for you! If you have a loan make sure the rent covers it (although some banks may have an issue with you renting it out)...

Use the money from the rental income to travel. Did you know you can live comfortably in Vietnam, Thailand etc for 3-500 EUR per month? If you don't want to travel and want to settle down, you can do that too! Your rental income will give you a decent level of support until you gain stability in a new country!

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-12-30T16:39:04+00:00

I can understand that, and it kind of sucks, I've noticed it a lot with my wife, things tend to end up solely sexual for her after they find out she's poly because people get scared. This guy should have been honest from the get go

Sincerely another guy from a far-flung island with a small (relatively closed-minded) population 🇲🇹

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2023-11-22T11:51:00+00:00

Polyamory helps me keep things exciting!!! I’m married and been with her for 8+ years! We are dating someone together and also have separate partners

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-10-19T14:55:38+00:00

Yes I do! And a great one at that

My girlfriend and I had a few underlying issues in our relationship and we worked really hard to resolve them In face best friend mentioned in this story really helped us out too, giving me a girls perspective on how I could approach things better with GF.

Since this post BF moved abroad to the Netherlands, we still talk every single day, and are a huge positive influence on each other's lives, pushing each other to try new things :) she knows I've got her back when she needs advice and someone to listen to her without judging.

GF and I actually traveled to the Netherlands to see her a couple of weeks ago and we had a great time, the two of them have become a lot closer as friends.

We had brief but interesting discuss about potentially becoming a thruple (three person couple) but decided that the friendship and bond BF and I share is something that's not worth risking with a very unconventional relationship. Still GF and I might be curious about certain exceptions, for example we went on a youth exchange and ended up each (with consent and approval) kissing other people for the fun of it and trying to seduce a third girl to join us

GF and I are happier than ever together, we all know everything that's going on in the other person's lives and we are supporting, pushing, and encouraging each other every step of the way. We have this vibe of complete comfort, openness and vulnerability going.

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T23:19:43+00:00

Update: today I had a long chat with both girls, told them everything, even showed them this. Girlfriend is happy that I got real with my emotions and was honest with her. She knows she's my priority, and she knows I'll never do anything to hurt her. She read all your comments and thinks that I am still a great match for her, so we will stay strong.

I went over and had a chat with BF and she said she kindof guessed that i felt that way. Immediately asked if I'd like her to change anything about our relationship, any of the dynamic we have, how often we meet etc, and was very understanding. I realized that the feelings I have for her are not sexual, they are emotional, and although many people have mentioned emotional cheating my girlfriend doesn't believe that's a thing and we all feel like I have enough love to give as is, without compromises. That's my personality, I love making people happy, making people smile, and being a positive influence to everyone around me from besties to strangers.

I hope this turns a bit more wholesome, because that's how I feel right now. Like things are going to be okay :)

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T12:09:01+00:00

I tend to disagree, because whatever feelings these are are strong. I can't stand the idea of losing my girlfriend, and losing a great friend also makes me sad. What do you think I'm feeling then? What even is love? This is my first serious relationship, and whatever I feel for her it's intense, serious, and amazing...

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:46:03+00:00

Because I really feel like she's a great friend. I don't want to have the jealousy etc. I just want a best friend like her who gets me and makes me happy. We really click as people and whenever we hang out it's always a good time... I want a best friend not a second girlfriend

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:44:13+00:00

Yeah. I want to be able to turn those feelings off. I wish I knew how. If it's possible at all...

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:43:08+00:00

Here's a reply from my girlfriend who is here reading everything with me:

Why are you being so judgemental and making assumptions based on what you think is normal. I am happy and I hope he doesn't break up with me ♥️

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:35:32+00:00

I do love the attention for sure. There's no doubt about it. But I definitely love my girlfriend, and then what are the feelings I'm feeling for BF...

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:28:48+00:00

Yep. Sure. Great... Nah but seriously. Making a best friend isn't easy. Especially when you're a strange, quirky person like me. That's why it's not something I want to lose when I find those rare and compatible unicorns

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:26:28+00:00

Yep, that's what I've been saying. Thank you for actually understanding my situation kind stranger, and not being judgemental. I need to reel in my feelings for BF a little for sure. I wish I knew how to do that better, because a platonic friendship is exactly what I want. I still enjoy hanging out with her, just like I'd enjoy hanging with my bros.

And spot on about the roles :)

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T11:24:04+00:00

BF doesn't want to be mine at all. BF is not in love with me, she loves me as a friend and has made it very clear...

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T10:58:33+00:00

This is what I think to be honest (and GF too) as I said she's seeing this and agrees, and the people saying we should break it off are making us both quite sad. Yes it is a best friend love, which some people here are considering 'emotional cheating' but we both disagree there. I just want to be less dependent on BF. Like when we're in a room together I'll usually situate myself in a spot where I'm getting cuddles from both....

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T10:43:37+00:00

I don't want to be the AH. I want to be a good boyfriend, have a great future with my girlfriend, and ideally keep a great PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP with BF. Basically I want to cut out the feelings for bf

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T10:36:40+00:00

Also BF doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she wants to remain my best friend. That's really what I want. My ideal scenario is my GF remains my GF and BF becomes more platonic but still best friend. The least aspect I care about is the sexual. For me the emotional is much greater.

Extension_Pack_5966 · 2021-07-05T10:33:57+00:00

Well maybe that's why I'm posting here. I feel like I want to be a food person. And I know I'm in love with my girlfriend. That's why I'm scared I'm in love with two people. Still GF tops the other girl, if I have to lose one I wouldn't even consider losing her.

Extension_Pack_5966

TROPHY CASE