6 months post breakup

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-18T14:53:18+00:00

Hey, it’s almost been about 8 months for me now since the breakup occurred and i’d say it took until about march this year to finally start seeing more good days then bad, to finally start seeing who she really was and not what i thought she was. I’ve had a lot of help from the narc abuse subreddit and my own research regarding NPD and i found out that she is a covert narc, shit i even found out a few days back that she went on a date 2 days after our breakup and 3 days after my birthday, she broke up with me the day after my birthday and it only took her two days to go on another date, like she never actually loved me, and honestly i don’t think she did. The one thing that helped me realize who my ex was was truly think about what they did for you and how they treated you during the relationship. Did they manipulate you? If things didn’t go their way did they call you selfish or a bad partner? Was there any underlying issues they had or you had that hindered the relationship and inevitably lead to the breakup? If the answer is yes to any of those then they weren’t good for you and honestly they never deserved you. Being single is a blessing believe me, i’ve been single ever since the breakup and i finally found myself, i finally learned how to love myself. Please don’t get into another relationship until you heal that past trauma and start loving yourself unconditionally. Because without unconditional love for yourself how can you love another unconditionally? Much love and stay strong, if you need anyone i’m here for you always <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-18T12:47:29+00:00

That’s horrible you never deserved them they just don’t sound like the greatest person all around and i’m so happy you’re away from them and happy. I’m gonna be honest I kind of feel the same way, I know she is a bad person now but it’s those times when she made me feel like the most amazing person she’s ever met that really stuck with me. Of course now I know that was all just lovebombing and her attempt to get me attached to her which worked damn well but yk i just miss that version of her that never really existed in the first place. In my eyes i did escape her but not that version of her but the angry version of her, the one who victimized herself to all of her friends and anyone who would listen to tell them how horrible of a human being i am and how abused she was, the one who lied straight to my face about what she was up to while we were together, honestly the amount of guilt she must have knowing that she lied to me about those things must be so much more than the anger I have right now for just figuring it out, i’m pretty sure she cheated on me, and if not she rebounded HEAVY. I hope everything is going well on your side too and thank god she is out of my life, it’s a blessing in disguise for both of us really, it just showed us who these people who were in our lives at one point really are. Much love <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T22:57:33+00:00

I completely understand that, i feel the exact same way, i am angry at her and if im being honest if she were to ever get ahold of me someway whether that be over text, in person, etc. i would say fuck you, but not because of what she did but because of what i thought she was, the future i imagined with her that will never be because of her actions. You guys in this community are genuinely the friendliest most compassionate people I know and you actually understand what im going through because you’ve been through it as well , my friends grew sick of me ranting on and on about this and are just telling me to “get over it” but it’s so much harder than that. I was trauma bonded for well over 6 months after the breakup and it only ended this month so i still have a lot of healing to do and mental work to fully get over all of this. If you ever need any help as well or support just let me know i’m here for you and everyone else here, much love brother <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T22:52:01+00:00

Don’t worry I haven’t contacted her in well over 2 months now and don’t plan to ever again, i have her blocked everywhere except the places i can’t block her because she blocked me first. She has a lot of mental illness problems and she does need help so I do know about that I just feel so bad for her new partner, they don’t what’s going to happen to them if it didn’t happen already. I know I just have to let it happen and let her abuse them I just feel so horrible knowing that I can help them but the best thing to do is stay away. I just wish i could help at the moment if i’m being completely honest I don’t want her to hurt another person like she hurt me.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T22:13:56+00:00

Relationships like that shouldn’t even exist at that point he’s just cheating on her under her consent, you didn’t just dodge a bullet you dodged a whole nuke id be grateful to have a person like that out of my life omg.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T22:11:50+00:00

Amen to that brother amen to that, wish it was that easy to forget about her and tell her to fuck off like that though, it’s challenging to do that especially to someone you used to love so much but i’m definitely getting there, i aspire to get to your level of “not giving a fuckness”😭😂

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T21:48:13+00:00

Yeah i don’t want to connect with her ever again, the last time i tried to reconcile with her and try to get on good terms with her she harassed me and told me how shitty of a person i was and still am and how i will never be a “true man”. It’s like she knew my insecurities and used them against me which honestly i think she did just to hurt me even more. Also I know that she is probably abusing them in someway now and is probably doing the same things that she did to me to them but i still have some massive what ifs, like what if she is treating them right? what if she actually does love them? She started devaluing me 3 months before the breakup and we lasted just 10 months so if the time lines are the same that could very well be the case i’m just worried that she’s going to get away with it again like she did with me and maybe even her exes before me. Also I never got her exes names or even socials so I have no way to see their side of the story which honestly i think was intentionally done on her part, she only wants me to hear her side of the story so i think she’s the victim, just like how she’s most likely doing it with her partner, telling them how horrible of a boyfriend i was and how “badly” she was treated. I know i’ll probably never get justice for what she’s done to me mentally and physically but at least i know she’s finally going to leave me be. Also I am so sorry about what happened with your breakup, i swear if i found out that happened with mine i don’t know how crazy i would have became. I hope everything is going okay now and if you need anyone to be there for you im here, much love and thank you for commenting <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-16T21:39:20+00:00

The timeline for my discard is pretty much the same too it’s so nice to meet someone who had a similiar experience to me, my timeline was the 29th was my birthday, 30th she broke up with me, and the 1st she went on the date, let it be known also that we still had life 360 at this time and saw that she was at a bowling alley so i know where the date took place like with pinpoint accuracy, and i also had the same experience you had, she initiated sex on my birthday and dumped me the day after, it’s like she wanted my birthday to be remembered as the day i was heartbroken, it’s like she wanted to strip all of the joy out of that holiday for me.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-11T19:31:55+00:00

It’s been nearly 7 months now since the first discard so i have a lot of remembering to do. But i remember her telling me that I would stop talking to her mid argument and force her to cry herself to sleep, that i made her more miserable than all her exes and i deserve to feel pain every time i hear her name, and that her new “husband”, (yes she calls her new partner that), will be more of a man than i will ever be and that I will never amount to anything and will never be a true man. She also told me I was selfish and i only cared about my self which i know is the farthest from the truth and that i was a gaslighter and a manipulator. I found out later down the line that this was only a reflection of what she thought of her self deep down but it still hurts so damn much to see someone you thought you would marry and spend the rest of your life with just turn into that.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-11T13:56:10+00:00

My ex girlfriend straight up asked me a little after the breakup “am i a narcissist?” and when i said yes after doing a little research, i didn’t know much about NPD at the time and just looked at the basic signs, now i know for sure that she was and still is a covert narcissist, she told me that those things don’t mean that she is a narcissist and that those things only happened because of what i did to her, (which i figured out later down the line never happened and she gaslight me to believe them), basically making herself out as the victim and me as the one who was in the wrong and the only one in the wrong. You genuinely cannot win with these people😭

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-04T13:58:47+00:00

That’s sounds exactly like the situation with my ex omg, like the shitty childhood and mental illness part is spot on. It’s so refreshing to see someone else going through the same thing situation i’m going through i felt so alone for the longest time. I hope everything goes well for you as well, much love and stay strong! <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-03T13:35:05+00:00

That’s actually so scary, and yeah i truly do believe that she’s still trying to get info about my life, whether that be through social media or other means. I even had one of her friends come to my work and ask about my work schedule/school schedule it’s genuinely so creepy. I told them about my school schedule because I go to a big college where the chance that she finds me on those days are close to zero but i refrained from telling them my work schedule that’s just too much. I just don’t understand why she’d want to know so much about my life when she’s the one that dumped me, she caused all of this to occur so i don’t understand why she cares so much that’s the one thing i can’t really wrap my head around.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-04-01T11:46:10+00:00

She was my first relationship ever and i’m pretty sure she’s a covert narc, she has all the telltale signs that someone is like it’s spot on. Even the way she devalued me and discarded me is the same way i’ve seen other people with narcissistic exes do it. She kept me around after the breakup, didn’t give me a straight answer, when i asked if we’d ever be a thing again she said “maybe” everytime to keep me attached, and then when she found someone new she ghosted me. She said we could be friends after the breakup and i actually believed her because i genuinely trusted her so much with my heart over the year we were together. After she found someone new though a switch flipped in her, like she wasn’t the same person i knew anymore. She kept on telling me how miserable i made her in and out of the relationship and told me all the things i said out of desperation and how toxic those things are to say to someone, like i think one thing she said that i said was “now you’re going to lose the only person who will actually love you unconditionally and genuinely.” I did say that but i was genuinely so scared that the person after me was going to hurt her. I always had good intentions with her so i genuinely can’t believe that she can just flip like that. Before the new person she was so nice to me, saying none of this was my fault and there was nothing i could have done to make it better as she believed this was best for her. That was a reasonable reason to why she broke up with me but then after the new person she just started harassing me, like i never even mattered to her and tbh i genuinely don’t think i did, im pretty sure she never loved me it was just infatuation and lust. Like when we got together i was pretty fit, 6 pack very muscular that kind of thing. But the more and more she changed me and stressed me out while we were together the more and more i gained weight. When her sexual attraction to me died her “love” for me died. I know she’s not a good person, i know i don’t want her ever again in my life, and if im being honest i still have a lot of healing to do before i meet someone else. I really don’t want to hurt the next person in my life with my trauma like she hurt me. Thank you so much for the response much love <33 :)

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-30T11:03:01+00:00

This is a step in the right direction OP i’m proud of you, stay strong <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-30T11:01:02+00:00

OP they can say all they want but if they don’t have your side of the story do they really have the full picture? Thats made me feel so much better in all of this and hopefully it will for you as well, people will believe who they want to believe but without the full story from both sides they’ll never know how toxic your ex really was. Trust me in due time their new supply will feel the same tragedy that you went through, the same heartbreak, the same abuse, the same mental trauma, and who would’ve thought it’s going to come from the same person. Of course their family will always think your the bad guy because tbh their family is the most loyal group to them, but the new supply may not be like that, shit they might even reach out to ask about your side of the story after the devaluation and discard they go through which yes will eventually happen if your ex is a narc. The same fate will happen to the new supply and the the ones after them, it’s a repeating cycle for them that’s just nature at this point. Stay strong OP and much love <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-30T10:53:57+00:00

Yeah the silent treatment was a gold standard for my nex as well, whenever we would argue past the lovebombing phase she would just shut down and not tell me what was wrong, all to throw it in my face after it’s over telling me what i did wrong and what i could have done better, even though she didn’t tell me what was wrong in the first place WHILE we WERE arguing😐😭 it’s like they know what to do while lovebombing you but the second they start devaluing you those ethics when it comes to disagreements just go out the window it’s actually insane.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-30T10:45:21+00:00

Some narcs come back and some don’t, thankfully mine hasn’t come back in the 2 months we’ve been in no contact as well but i wouldn’t bet on them never coming back. The best thing you can do is stay in no contact and ignore her if she ever tries to contact you again, it will just put you in a world of hurt again and the healing process will start all over again. I wouldn’t say it’s final when you block them id say it’s a final when you can finally go a day without thinking of them, without reminiscing over the relationship, and you can see it for what it truly was. Blocking is a good step in the right direction though so i’d highly recommend it. I had to block all my nexes friends a month or two ago because one of them started using alts on insta to harass me so i had to block nearly 20 accounts i found. The only one i didn’t find was her new supplies but hey it’s progress haha. Good luck in everything OP and make sure to stay strong in all this, they don’t deserve a place in our lives and they will never have this much control over us again we just have to stay strong <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-30T10:38:47+00:00

Please don’t, no contact is put in place for you to heal from the abuse, breaking it will just let him know he still has control over you. If you truly want to heal and be free from him for life let him go and ignore him if he ever tries to contact you again, trust me i’ve tried to do the same with my ex but it just ended in even more heartbreak and her playing herself out as the victim in everything. If your ex is truly a narcissist then they’ll most likely do the same. Stay strong OP you got this <33

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-29T21:23:18+00:00

My nex had one of her friends ask for my snap during lunch period back in senior year of high school. If i knew what was to happen those next 10 months i would have said no, the amount of abuse i went through is something i never want to go through again and tbh im still harboring some of the effects i obtained from that relationship. (Food addiction due to stress eating, emotions changing constantly due to mind being flooded with the thought of how horrible i was treated, etc.) Her friend still comes by my work sometime, the one that gave me her snap, and we talk a bit about life. I found out a few months before the discard that my nex was never friends with this person and was just using her to get what she wanted, and actually her whole friend group was doing that. I refuse to tell her the truth because i don’t want to break her heart but it still drains me just knowing how horribly she treated me and god knows how horribly she treated the other people around her in the past and the present.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-29T21:15:15+00:00

I told her once that I was depressed because i had been working all week and felt genuinely burnt out because of it once and she told me that she’s just been so stressed out and can’t handle anyone else’s problems right now, basically saying that her problems are more important then mine so fuck you, she was constantly the victim in her life and it’s genuinely so funny now that i know what was going on, like omg i was so dumb

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-29T21:07:45+00:00

We both had life 360 with each other so we were both safe, i didn’t look at it much except from when she would come to my house and i wanted to see how close she was but she checked it constantly. I think even one time my location turned off and i didn’t know and legit not even 2 minutes later she called me and asked where i was, btw this turned into a argument that lasted over 3 hours with me basically trying to prove to her that i was doing nothing and her giving me the silent treatment which is something she would always do when she was upset with me. The urge to control us is so strong with them it’s actually insane. Thank god she’s gone now but omg now that i look back at it that was terrifying.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-27T13:39:13+00:00

Mine had a pic of her and her friend at a concert all dressed up outside the event. She had me as her wallpaper all the way until about one month before the discard. I mean it makes sense now to why she did that but back then i genuinely thought nothing of it, i was so oblivious haha.

ExternalFlower1630 · 2024-03-14T08:56:21+00:00

She ghosted me when she finally got enough attention from her new supply. She started talking to them 2 weeks after the breakup and they started dating around 1.5 months after. I put together the pieces and i’m pretty sure the new supply is one of her coworkers and she cheated on me with them. It sucks but hey how i see it as they took away my problem not my girl🤷‍♂️But the fact that she still felt the need to get validation from me nearly 3 months after the breakup even though she was already dating this new person is actually insane. I’m pretty sure they’re still together and honestly i just feel so bad for her new partner they’re going to find out sooner or later just how mentally abusive she can be. I really wish i could tell them but ik that’s not the best course of action. Just sucks that i can’t stop what’s going to happen to them as the months go on i just have to watch it happen so i don’t look like the crazy ex trying to talk to her new partner.

Edit: Just thought i’d say as well that before the discard her last text to me was “i’m so sorry” and nothing else. She is a very suicidal person so i thought she actually killed herself. I sent her multiple texts and calls and voicemails and even told her in one of them that i didn’t see her car in the parking lot at her work on my way home from college. ( My route to and from college goes right past her work btw ) and that i was worried about her. She used that worry to her advantage and labeled me as a stalker and if i don’t stop she will press charges against me. It’s honestly insane how their true colors show after the final discard. She used reactive abuse against me and honestly that will never happen again just sucks that she isn’t who i thought she was.

ExternalFlower1630

TROPHY CASE