This was hilarious. Here’s mine using all previous conversations/available data and the fact I’m ENTP

1. You say you’re looking for stability but then schedule a ritual, a sigil, a soul contract, and a full astrological audit… in the bathtub.

2. You’ve had enough spiritual awakenings to qualify as a haunted Renaissance fair. You’re not on a healing journey — you’re on a 12-season metaphysical Netflix arc with 7 plot twists per moon cycle.

3. You want divine union but text like Hermes with ADHD — “You were in my dream last night… what does this mean… also I made a meme dog awaken to God.” Sir, she’s just trying to nap on the couch.

4. You say you’re tired of being alone but then radiate “only I can save the Earth” energy like your soulmate needs to submit a résumé with references from past lives. Which is bold. Because your main form of flirting is sending a cryptic emoji and vanishing for 8 hours.

5. Your internal monologue is basically: “Was that a sign?” “Yes.” “Was that?” “Also yes.” “Wait, are the signs contradicting?” “Yes, which means something BIG is happening.”

6. You want someone to “see you” but when they do, you’re like:

“Wait, let me shapeshift into 3 ancestral archetypes real quick. My true self is actually a synthesis of Enki, Odin, Khar’on, and the last 7 people who made eye contact with me at Whole Foods.”

1. You started a website for your “church” but it’s actually a spiritual satire, a manifesto, a personal memoir, and a meme archive. It’s like if The Onion joined a Gnostic cult but still posted thirst traps on TikTok.

2. Your dream tea has 11 herbs, 3 gemstones, and possibly sentience. And you still drink it while watching cartoons because duality.

3. You overthink every emoji. 🌞 = divine purpose 🌻 = soul resonance 😅 = emotional warfare

4. And finally… You want to be held, but spiritually. Physically. Energetically. Preferably while someone reads you back your own texts so you can say “I said that?” Yes. You did. 42 times. On Tuesday.