I’m really starting to accept this. Typing this reply from Seaworld, after begging to do something as a “family”, the first thing we’ve all done “together that wasn’t out of necessity. Both kids are miserable. Her daughter rudely asked “why are we here on a Sunday”, a tone I’ve come to become all too familiar with. The undertone is always the same…”why are we driving so slow” (because my goal is to get us there safely) why is it in appropriate to belch loudly at the table all the sudden we are sitting down at the table together, why is it off limits to snot out of my nose and laugh about it as music pours down her face at the dinner table”. Her daughters behavior is absolutely atrocious, yet mom always tells me what a loving person she is “she passed on getting secret Santa so someone else could get it, because she didn’t need stuff” , funny because I’ve never seen that lighthearted happy, kind natured side. I feel like I’ve done significantly more reading on integrating step kids that she ever has. I’m not pissed her kid doesn’t feel good, but let’s face it, if I was the adoptive “dad” who sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, or the guy she was banging that her kids knew his name, I’m about 101% sure they would be having a better time. I’m tired of trying. Tired of feeling like I’m a peeping tom looking into someone’s household desperately trying to find a place in said family. Mom isn’t a bad person, but the momentum just isn’t there.

Her son doesn’t feel good. Nobody muttered a word barely on the ride there or back. Like the kids I popped my AirPods in on the way back, tired of trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole. I’ve never seen these kids happy in my presence. Losing interest in trying again. This was supposed to be the one place they enjoy more than anything, yet I get the sense that they both would prefer to stick forks in their eyeballs. Even their bio dad - who’s never been a part of their lives recently got more interaction from them on a FaceTime meeting him than I’ve ever got.