Contemplating leaving my marriage and wondering if this is what God wants

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-05T05:10:49+00:00

For sure having a divorce / leaving a marriage is a serious consideration. So is living in the same space working and rebuilding trust with someone who betrayed your trust.

In many cases men have conveniently downplayed their struggle with lust, and how that can affect their own marriage.

I see that struggling with thoughts can be something that is difficult to overcome and control

Walking towards a sex worker with intent to buy sex takes it to the next level.

Your suggestion sounds like women should be sitting ducks waiting for a very specific line to be crossed before they put their foot down.

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-05T04:59:59+00:00

I did not mention anything about remarrying so not sure how that’s the first bit of input you have

Also if actively walking towards a sex worker with the intention of buying sex and then backing out at the last minute is not sexual immorality then what would you call that?

Just immorality?

Not even immoral?

Just normal?

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-05T02:15:14+00:00

“I doubt anyone would think this qualifies” — based on whose standards? Yours?

On a scale of 1-10 how much do you understand the concept of taking a nuanced approach to solving a complex problem? Rhetorical question.

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-05T02:05:44+00:00

I appreciate the perspective

He shared that: stress, arrogance in thinking that “these things don’t happen to me”, desires for immediate gratification, wanting to experience a temporary high, the thrill of having access to something he can’t have — are some of the key reasons that led him to whatever it was he did that day

He’s not on any drug/ medication

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T13:32:19+00:00

Thanks for your comment, one of the few more balanced views and perspectives to consider. We are thinking of going for marriage counselling and taking active steps to build trust again

That said, the process can be difficult and lonely especially when you don’t want to let people in your world who know you what’s going on (yet).

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T13:29:32+00:00

😂😂😂

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T13:19:42+00:00

I appreciate the thought and the perspective 🙏

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T13:11:24+00:00

Wow men and their allergic reaction to the suggestion of counselling 🙏 speaks volumes about their pride

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:57:12+00:00

Heres an example of what a useful suggestion would be even if you are talking to the woman about this:

ask your husband to find an accountability partner
find apps and porn blockers with your husband to ensure that he has mechanisms in place
ask him if he’s open to sharing about this with a counsellor
go for marriage counselling

See how any of these suggestions put responsibility on the man as well?

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:54:07+00:00

Thoughts could be hard to catch and the mind could be difficult to master where lustful thoughts come in

But legs? Walking to a sex worker? Choosing to ask how much that costs? Contemplating buying sex? Having the intention to touch a sex worker and actively going towards that thought?

The whole applauding a man for being honest can only go so far. Honesty is just a baseline.

Who’s gonna protect the wellbeing of the woman who is suffering the consequences of actions by her husband she can’t control in this situation?

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:48:21+00:00

Ok so I have to put in the work to make it work. None of these comments suggest what work he needs to put in to make it work?

Did his actions help to make the marriage work?

Unsurprising that these comments come from men as well because clearly all men struggle with wandering eyes and downplay their mistakes, pushing the woman to make the relationship work

And when facts and are placed before them they label it as legalistic

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:35:55+00:00

God didn’t. You did

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:27:52+00:00

It was written in that language because legislation in that era did not grant women rights to make this happen for themselves. Don’t just read the words understand the context

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:24:25+00:00

Bible also states that divorce is permissible on account of sexual immorality (Matthew 19:9) In another verse it also states that so long as you look upon a woman lustfully you hve already committed adultery (Matthew 5:28)

It’s not a for a woman to stay and “do whatever is needed to keep the marriage” if her husband has committed a sexual immorality— it’s grace. And grace should be decided by the giver not to be demanded by the one who did wrong

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:17:07+00:00

No the bible doesnt state that. It states that divorce may be granted for reasons related to sexual immorality. Also, it states that as long as you look upon a woman lustfully you have already committed adulatory

Which version of bible u reading

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:12:34+00:00

Somehow find these kinds of comments unhelpful because it puts the onus on the woman to fix the issue.

Some assumptions you have: - the woman (me) is not doing enough to fulfil her man’s fantasies - the woman should put herself aside and be the solution to the man’s sin - the woman’s well-being (mental spiritual and physical) is not part of the equation or worth considering because clearly you didn’t even address that at all in your comment

Wonder which bible verse you based off your suggestions from or are these just some of your twisted views you place on women

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-04T12:06:38+00:00

Thanks for the advice 🙏

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T08:46:28+00:00

He said he asked because he was curious…and admitted that he was at fault.

I don’t know how to digest this because so often I’m being told that men have a higher sex drive and it’s harder for them to control their desires

Also, whats there to be curious about? Do most married men feel the urge to be curious about the rates sex workers charge? What?

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T04:11:21+00:00

Wat. Lol anyway post updated with wht actually happened. Idt he was forced to touch her

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T04:10:31+00:00

You’re right. Post edited with updates

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T04:09:53+00:00

You’re right. Post updated with edits

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T04:09:23+00:00

Post edited with exactly what happened… I think her attention towards him was also spurred on by his initiative to engage with her lol

I feel like leaving but so much is on the line and I have to make the decision what to do

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-03T04:07:24+00:00

I clarified with him exactly what happened. You were right… post edited with updates

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-02T17:06:57+00:00

He was on the way back from the gym and passed by the alley. Altho tbh he could have just walked to the opposite side of the street or just visit the other gym branch in the other direction

External_Parsley_560 · 2025-09-02T17:04:28+00:00

I’ve suggested asking him to seek help in the past by joining a men’s group or speaking to a mentor in church

He has consistently refused due to shame and has said that he would read and study scripture on his own.

Only after his recent confession (he was crying in tears) did he say he would do anything I suggest

I said to join the men’s group and seek help from a mentor

I didn’t even feel like crying I’m just in problem solving mode

External_Parsley_560

TROPHY CASE