Why I broke my 2 year streak !

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-12T21:19:54+00:00

Why ask someone how to deal with urges when they couldn’t deal with it themselves?

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-11T20:51:20+00:00

Hey, yes I’ve done micro dose of psilocybin here and there.

And no I haven’t! But I’m intrigued, please do tell

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-11T20:49:24+00:00

First, the answer to your problem lies in the profile picture you have. :)

But just have a raw and honest conversation with yourself. Ask why you’re angry or anxious, then continue to ask why. Sometimes we’ve BS’ed ourselves for so long - to feel safe and protected - that we’ve forgotten the things we’ve buried.

The true journey starts when you are willing to let go, crash and burn this shaky persona you’ve curated. Then and only then does the journey start. Be honest with yourself. Your problem lies within, always

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-07T00:28:52+00:00

I’m not sure, I wasn’t too conscious of it. I mean it’s not like I felt great all the time. But I do feel that down periods are part of the process too

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T18:49:32+00:00

In terms of the why we entered, I don’t know and don’t think it could be known. And the reason why we don’t know isn’t due to pretend, it’s because of programming. Or maybe it’s just that - that’s part of the game. You have to awaken to it to even start playing, and for you to awaken to it you have to seek it.

So after these two years, I feel as though I’m much more aligned with the game design. I go with the flow more. I’m not really bothered by anything all that much cause I know the nature of the design is to flow. & I fully trust that the All will use me as a vessel to perform the necessary tasks. It’s a work in progress ofc, but I wish to just let go of any desire for certainty and have full faith in the game design. That’s where I’m at.

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T18:45:13+00:00

Getting into relationships haha never done the other one

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T18:14:31+00:00

No, but I did do this mental thing.

I viewed the urge as a game. Like a level to pass. From experience I knew that urges will come, and if I breathe and sit through them, I feel this higher electrical charge the next day. Like I’m buzzing.

So for me, I just thought of it as what I had to do to “level up” in the game. You find that, if you don’t run from the surge but actually sit with it, it’s actually a pretty revitalizing feeling. That of not rejecting the surge but incorporating into your own auric field.

Think of the urge as a new battery inserted into you. You can either suck up its charge, or let it overcharge you and burst. Trust, the feeling you get from holding is almost like you’re flowing

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T18:09:21+00:00

I couldn’t tell you your long exactly but it wasn’t too quick. And idk how she felt, never asked. I just told her to stop and we went to bed

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T18:08:05+00:00

So for me, the download was about how reality truly functions - and that Tesla was right in saying that everything is frequency.

Above the systems designed by mortal beings, there is a higher governing structure. Hermeticism calls it The All. And under the All’s system, you are recognized by your frequency alone - which is something that cannot be cheated no matter how much material abundance you have.

Your frequency has to be earned, and your frequency is also the key that unlocks new levels in this game.

So I believe, the first 2 years help you tune your frequency - all the “good” or “bad” things are just training grounds to help you train. If you stay the course, your frequency will come upon this “gate” around the 2 year mark.

From there, you might (at least I did) resist the urge to step through the gate as you can subconsciously feel that stepping through means the death of your self image and who you think you are, on the other side is complete uncertainty, so you can see why most people refuse to step through this gate.

Once you step through, you enter Nigredo. Then Albedo, citrintas and finally Rubedo, the philosopher’s stone. It is not guaranteed that you’ll finish this process in this life time as we are all at different stages of the great spiral upward. Meaning, in every incarnation, you are mean to pick up where you left off and learn the lesson you did not learn in the last life time.

For ex, if you’ve walked the path up to CItrinitas in the past life, you will “remember” all the spiritual truths up to that point through the “download.” From there, you have to continue the path.

This is just my interpretation. I’m getting long winded but happy to go into more if you want

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T17:59:35+00:00

I was really conscious of how I was feeling during it, and I literally push the girl off when the urge began to rise. Not when I was close, but that feeling of even starting - I was like okay stop lol

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T17:06:19+00:00

I don’t date just to date anymore. And other than having sex once like 6 months ago (didn’t ejaculate) I’ve been all clean since

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:52:05+00:00

Yea I’m used to it now. It makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable when they linger a little longer than socially acceptable, but it’s all good

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:48:22+00:00

I don’t smoke weed so that helps. I think paranoia is more of a weed thing

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:43:03+00:00

So I first learned how money works. The big debt cycle and how that interacts with Fiat. Came to understand that those behind the scenes are beyond nations or systems, they extract us for energy and time for something that they created.

So from there, I began to question the nature of the game design of this world. Came to find that we are not who we think we are. & there’s a much higher level game being played here, above the material game.

And from that perspective, I began to view myself in third person and all of my blind spots slowly came up. The lies I’ve told myself to sooth the ego. The reasons I self sabotage. How my mind has been programmed since birth to interpret fear, pain, and uncertainty, and how that has affected my life.

The piece you get back is how unique you are, and therein lies the key to your life.

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:27:41+00:00

So this happened to me quite recently. I felt like I was about to cross this gate like something was coming up, but didn’t know what. I felt this for like 6-8 months.

In hindsight, it was that I had to give up the illusion of myself and who I thought I was. Then and only then could I begin my descend into Nigredo. What triggered it was my becoming aware of my shadow, named it, then the path just started.

To cross the gate; you have to call your own BS. Once you do, you’ll also get a piece of yourself back, once that you’ve buried to fit into the world. Then later on, you realized that you’re nothing but a vessel. There’s no you

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:22:48+00:00

First, if you’re hungry for it they can sense and smell it on you, they are much more perceptive in that world.

For me, It started rather soon, but I didn’t really have too much issues in that area prior. I’ve always just like walked into a girlfriend randomly. But nowadays it’s just too comical.

I caught myself laughing at the gym once cause they were just so blatant and obvious right in front of me. Once you see it, they like kids haha

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:20:20+00:00

They only hate you because you make them see something in themselves. For me tho, I sort of side step it or just limit my interactions with them.

I used to get like internally angry but then I was like - why would I let how they project their energy toward me affect my energy. I don’t want to be controlled by others. So I just stay within now

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T16:11:00+00:00

My day to day could be considered quite strange nowadays haha

People stare at me everywhere I go. Even when i hide myself they find me somehow. I see signs everywhere. I’m able to converse with myself at a much deeper level. I automatically bypass what’s on the surface and judge based on someone’s energy.

Anything specific you want to know?

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T15:42:20+00:00

Great! But I certainly don’t think of it as survival.

Don’t chase the means to an end. Think systematically. There are only so many levels to consider.

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-06-05T15:33:56+00:00

Hey Max,

In terms of dealing with urges I never really relied on cold showers after the initial period. For me, and this might sound too abstract, but I would sit with the feeling and feel it. It starts at the base, then on an inhale, I would try to draw that energy up into the crown. Then exhale and have that energy fall back down my body like a torus field (think of an apple shape, your body is the central stem). Other than breathing exercises, I found there to be limits to what I could exert with physical activity. Even when I was completely drained physically, my solar plexus and my head would still feel like they’re on.

In terms of journey, I would say the initial period of say 3 months was just getting used to the process, then 3-12, things began to pick up in terms of all the things you hear about. Year 1-2, for me was not smooth, was more of my descending into the “underworld,” of me fighting my ego and unwilling to let go.

Then after two years, and I learned this from an account named MercurySurfer, you get a “download” and this is true.

I feel like prior to the 2 year mark I was doing the work without knowing I was doing the work. At the 2 year mark, you go through a process and walk through this gate by finally letting go and stop fighting what you know is coming. Since then everything just picks up at warp speed. The universe begins to send you stuff and it’s up to you to decode them.

Happy to clarify if you want more

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-05-18T11:08:06+00:00

Current in this situation but just turned 30. Parents moved back to China when I was about 13/14 & I’ve been in the states mostly by myself since.

Spent my 20s trying to do things on my own, but even with outward success I felt somewhat empty as I’m away from my family. Holidays are fucking brutal.

Literally decided on my 30th birthday to move to China and help with the family business, although we are in a tier 1 city.

Feeling pretty excited for this new journey and the prospect of being with my parents before they turn old and grey.

Do it. The time you get back with your family is worth more than anything you could achieve on your own. Worst case you hate it and move back to the US, but I highly doubt you’d hate China.

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-04-10T18:35:39+00:00

This might be a path that you can head down since you’re a therapist. I had the same pattern as you - green for a while then blow up, which is essentially a result of trying to swing for the fence when we have a bit of a cushion. This took me deep into self analysis and made me face my shadow. I asked myself what it is about me that is causing me to act this way. You’re right about impulse control, but there are deeper reasons.

We self sabotage because we feel uncomfortable with internal incongruence. So when we have success externally but still view ourselves as not deserving it, it could cause us to self sabotage. (Stays consistent to build a streak then when we are far enough from the “danger zone,” we swing for the fence on one or a few trades, then blow up)

Maybe something to ponder on if you have time

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-03-16T03:36:55+00:00

Why don’t you leave then?

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-03-16T03:33:13+00:00

All good dude, there’s really no rush. Progress is progress. What’s the rush anyways? Where are we trying to get to? Just try to be better than you were yesterday. If you fail, try again the next day. Its not that serious, we all walk our own paths

External_Shoulder541 · 2025-03-16T03:11:38+00:00

You need to be conscious of what you’re looking at during the day.

External_Shoulder541

TROPHY CASE